Ysabel rubbed her palms together. “I had to sit through hours of memorizing their complicated family trees for etiquette class. Now they have to sit through this! It will be so much fun!”
My sister’s motives might be less than pure, but I still thought it a good idea.
As she chattered on, I realized this was the first time we’d been alone together since our reunion. A pit formed in my stomach. I was afraid to ask her this question, but I’d never have peace until I did. Ysabel was smiling. I didn’t want to ruin that. But if I didn’t ask now, then I’d keep on finding excuses, until later became never.
I had to know.
“Yzzy?”
“Hmm?” She looked up.
I swallowed. “How did Calum die?”
Chapter Eighteen
My sister’s face froze. It was painful to watch every line harden. “Why are you asking me this now?”
I wet my lips. “Because this is the first time we’ve been alone together since you came to the city. Because being in the place where he died makes me think about him constantly. Because I’ve always needed to know the truth.”
Ysabel’s voice became distant. “I told you what happened.”
“You told me that Cardinal Jiang murdered him, but not how or why. That’s not enough. Please, Yzzy, he was my brother, too! I deserve to know!”
Ysabel did not speak. Her eyes were wide. It took me a moment to realize that she was very slightly shaking. Sweat crept down her neck. Her mouth opened and her throat bobbed, but no sound came out. She was having a panic attack.
I leapt to my feet and ran around the desk. Dropping to my knees before her, I grabbed her hands. “Breathe. Can you breathe with me? Inhale. Exhale.”
Ysabel met my gaze. Tears leaked from her eyes. After a few stuttering breaths, she started to match my pace.
“Inhale. Exhale.” I breathed deeply to demonstrate. “Good, good.” I squeezed her hand. “You’re doing great.”
Ysabel drew in a shaky breath. She released my hand to wipe her eyes. The flush faded from her face.
Where was my handkerchief? Had I left it in my room? I found onein the desk drawer and offered it to her. “I’m sorry, Yzzy. I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to tell me anything.”
“No. You have the right to ask. He was your brother, too.” Ysabel stared at the crumpled handkerchief in her fist. “I owe you an explanation.”
It bothered me how she said that, like a defendant before a judge. “Not if it’s going to make you suffer.”
Gazing off into the distance, she spoke as if she hadn’t heard. “Calum joined Cardinal Jiang’s guard to spy on him. He kept it secret—only Uncle Urew knew. He did it for me, in order to find a way to stop Jiang from sacrificing me.”
“Wait, Jiang tried to do what now?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
Ysabel looked up. “Oh, right, you didn’t know. I didn’t tell anyone. I only told Calum because I was angry at him. I should never have told him. He’d be alive if I hadn’t.”
“Hey, don’t say that. Look into my eyes. Breathe.” I took her hand again. A part of me felt hurt my sister had never trusted me with this information before, but I shoved that part deep down, because this moment wasn’t about me. (And honestly, she’d probably been right to think I would be useless. But now wasn’t the moment to dwell on that.)
Ysabel’s hand hung loose in my grip. She barely seemed aware of me. “Cardinal Jiang planned to sacrifice me in a magical ritual to obtain immortality. I’d sworn a life-oath not to escape him.”
“Why would you—?” I stopped, realizing I sounded too accusatory.
Ysabel answered me anyway. “He threatened our people. He would have killed me anyway. I just didn’t want him to kill more people while he was at it.” She half sobbed. “Jiang caught Calum and took him hostage to have extra leverage to use against me. If I’d given in to him, if I hadn’t fought him, then Calum would still be alive.”
“No!” I grabbed her face and forced her to look into my eyes. “You can’t know that. Jiang probably would have killed Calum anyway.”
“I could have arranged his safety by forcing Jiang to swear a life-oath—no, he could break life-oaths—but if I’d rescued Calumfaster …” She was hyperventilating again, stuck on a past she couldn’t change.
I didn’t know what to say to her to make her believe me. “It’s not like that, Yzzy. Calum would never want you to blame yourself.”
