I rolled my eyes. “Orange isn’t your color, babe. I’ll be home within the hour.”
He nodded and kissed me once more before stepping away. I backed out of the parking space and headed in the direction of the correctional facility. Truth be told, I was a little nervous about going to visit Kennedy. I’d asked Erica to get me on her visitation list, and she’d pulled some strings.
There was a lot I had to say to the woman who birthed me—a lot of answers I needed. Even if it hurt, I prayed she would do one decent thing in her life and be honest with me.
My life had been an emotional rollercoaster. While there were more highs than lows recently, the lows were pretty damn bad. I wasn’t even on social media, yet I’d been the topic of conversation among the West family. They hated my guts for “ruining” their family like the family wasn’t filled with people who aided in Rodney’s deviant behavior. They covered up his shit for so long, it was no wonder he was so confident he would get away with it all.
Mrs. West was in the psych ward at a mental hospital. After the tape evidence came out, she lost it and tried to kill herself. My guess was she was trying to save face. She was playing crazy so she didn’t have to own up to the part she’d played in her son’s outcome. Her family claimed my release drove her insane. Bullshit. If she wanted to play crazy, she could sit in the psych ward until she died for all I cared.
The two family members that served on my jury were served with hefty fines. Unfortunately, the responding officer that fatal night didn’t receive any punishment and neither did the lawyer. That outcome was somewhat expected, but it was still disappointing. Erica wanted to dig deeper into them, but I just wanted to let it go. I needed peace…. I deserved that much.
I pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car, voiding myself of anything that would be considered a weapon or contraband. As I looked up at the building with barbed-wire fences surrounding it, I couldn’t believe I was back here. Ten years of my past resided within these walls. I told myself I’d never come back.
No matter how bad I missed my bunkies.
No matter how well I’d done inside.
Nothing would have ever made me come back. Now here I was.
I sat at the no-contact visitation center waiting on Kennedy to be brought in. My leg shook nervously. Erica had arranged this particular visit because there probably would have been two of us behind bars if this meeting had taken place face-to-face. Kennedy hated me, I hated her, and if I got my hands on her, there was no telling what I would have done.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I waited. Reciting my affirmations and saying a prayer helped to calm my nerves a little. When I opened them, Kennedy was sitting in front of me with a stoic look. We stared at each other for the longest time until I picked up the phone. It was about fifteen painstaking seconds before she picked up hers, too.
“What are you doing here, and what do you want?” she asked.
“I need answers, Kennedy.”
“I ain’t got none for you.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. After all you’ve done—after all you’ve let be done to me—you owe me answers.”
“I don’t owe you shit. I gave you life—”
“You made my life a living fucking hell,” I snapped. “From the moment I came into this world, you have hated me. What did I ever do to you? Why didn’t you just get an abortion if you didn’t want me? You could have given me up or did anything besides keep me to treat me like shit.”
“You think I wanted to keep you? I didn’t. You are the bane of my existence, just like your damn daddy. He got me pregnant and disappeared. My parentsmademe have you. They forced me to give birth to a child I didn’t want because they didn’t believe in abortion or adoption. Your sisters chose you over me from the time they were born. I used to have to listen to them scream and cry at the top of their lungs. No matter what I did to soothe them, they just wouldn’t shut up. The moment you spoke to them, all that hollering stopped. I was their mother. I gave birth to them, and they acted like they couldn’t stand the sight of me when it came to you!
“My own sister chose you over me. She’s always wanted you and your sisters because she can’t have a kid of her own. Rodney chose you over me. I did everything to make that motherfucker happy, and he chose you…a fucking child. You ruined my life the day you were conceived. I hated you. I hated you, and I wanted you to suffer for making my life miserable.”
I shook my head as tears streamed down my face. “You hated me enough to let your boyfriend rape me for three years?”
“I didn’t…I didn’t know at first.”
“Did you know when I tried to tell you?”
She was quiet.
“Did you know?” I demanded.
“No.”
“Then, when did you know, Kennedy?”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m serving time for it.”
“It doesn’t matter? You failed the lie detector test. You knew about the tapes, Kennedy. You could have saved me from being in this place for ten years, and you didn’t. I would have settled for you turning them over and pretending like you didn’t know versus you lying to put me away. At least I would have had my freedom! For once in your life, tell the fucking truth!”
She stared at me with a blank expression. “I’ll take that to my grave. You got what you wanted, didn’t you?”
