“No fi’len would ever do such a thing, ever, not even to our worst enemy. Mat—Females are treasured in our society…I could never do that to you, ever. The thought makes me f’teeing sick I—” I ramble, my head hurting that she thinks I could ever do such a thing.
“Then why are you keeping me, why can’t I leave? Why am I a secret?” Her eyes narrow, the frustration visible on her face.
Because I can’t let you go, because my body burns for you every second—I want to scream. But I can’t, I can’t face her rejection.
If Marta was only a fi’len, if she could feel the bond too, it would be easier.
But she can’t, and she never will, and I won’t let her go.
“Because it’s not safe for humans off Earth, you’re under my jurisdiction here and—”
“It’s just the same shit, different planet. I was trapped on Earth, I’m trapped here. I don’t even have Bruno to make it tolerable. Am I doomed to be trapped forever? Will I never have my own freedom?” Marta isn’t speaking to me anymore. Her hands fly as she speaks, looking down at her lap.
Trapped on Earth?I’m confused, but I gesture to the chair near her bed.
“May I sit?”
Marta shrugs. “Like I could stop you?”
I don’t want to fight with her, so I leave that statement floating between us.
“What do you mean, you were trapped on Earth?” I sit near her, and every cell in my body urges me to touch her. Instead, I clasp my hands tightly on the tops of my thighs.
“I mean trapped, that’s what I mean.” She doesn’t want to elaborate. Marta sniffs, wiping her hand under her nose.
“I don’t understand, Marta…did someone keep you and—were you forced to…” I want to vomit at the thought of anyone putting their hands on her—but something inside me needs to know.
“No, god, not that—My father is, well he’s, he’s important.”
“Important, how so? How would that trap you?”
Marta looks up, her mouth pulled into a thin line.
“God, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? What’s the point in keeping the secret—it’s not like the spacefeds are gonna go get him, right? My father is the leader of an organized crime racket. He’s good at it, too. Our branch of la familia is a strong one.” She takes a deep breath and leans back against the headboard. “But it doesn't mean there weren’t challengers or vendettas that needed to be fulfilled. I was always at risk. Our area of orbit was limited to certain spots in the city, and always under guard. There are men ruthless enough to kill the children of their enemies as a power move.” She’s talking fast, and I don’t understand every word, but I get the gist. Her father holds his power with fear, like a warlord.
“Why would he do it, why would he risk his family?” The thought of doing something to put your mate or your children at risk in my culture is unfathomable. What good is power if you lose everything that’s actually important?
“You can’t just leave once you’re a made man, it’s not an option…I have never lived a normal life. I’ve always been held back by the decision of men who tell me they want to protect me.” She sets her jaw, a look of defeat on her face.
Silence hangs between us for what feels like a beat too long.
“I understand not being in control of your life, of your destiny,” I whisper. If I was a stronger male, I would put my hand over hers. I would comfort her.
“You’re a duke, you seem like you do whatever the fuck you want here.”
She doesn’t believe me.
I suck in a deep breath, not sure why I’m going to tell her about how wrong she is. Maybe I just need to tell someone, anyone. Will it feel better just to say it aloud?
“I thought I was in love once, before the war.” It wasn’t love, but in my youthful foolishness, I didn’t know any better.
Marta turns to look me in the eyes, and she seems surprised at my admission.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Yar’oh promised she loved me back, and that we didn’t need to wait for the mate bond. That if we loved each other enough, it wouldn’t matter. I believed her.” I haven’t said her name in over fifteen cycles, but it doesn’t sting as much as it did before Marta.
“Mate bond?”
