“I can do many things for you, Marta, but that’s not one of them. Perhaps some dinner? The duke sent word he’ll be back much later than expected, so unfortunately, you’ll be dining alone.” The butler clasps his hands as he waits for my response.
“Dinner would be good, but Jens’i?”
“Yes? I’m happy to be of service however I can.” He beams in my direction.
“Will you, can you just sit with me for a while?”
Jens’i’s face grows pensive, but his smile quickly returns.
“If you’ll allow me a break in etiquette, I’d be happy to have my dinner with you.”
I’m not sure if I would call Jens’i a friend, but given my circumstances, he’s certainly not an enemy…that might be as close to a friend as I get here.
CHAPTER18
?STILL A MONSTER?
?RAF’ERE
I still thinkit’s ridiculous that we must humor sending the humans to the Korlyan Moon. Just the thought that Marta might have chosen to go off world, that I would have never met her, has an ache building in my chest.
That sharp pain reminds me that despite how hard I try to rationalize what I’m doing with her, my motives for keeping her locked up. That no matter how altruistic I convince myself Marta’s captivity is, I keep her locked in my room for selfish reasons.
And the longer I’m around her, the more I want exactly what the bond wants.
As I approach the doors to my bedroom, my body reacts to the faintest whiff of her scent. My pulse quickens as I’m sure my chest is flushing blue. I try to control the biological response with measured breathing as I hold my data pad up to unlock the door.
I hesitate for a moment, realizing that she’ll likely be angry with me. After all, the last time we interacted, my frustrated mating bond amplified my justified anger over the destruction of my heirloom robe.
Will I attempt to smooth her ruffled feathers, or will I meet her anger with more of my own? There’s no way to know which direction the scales will tilt while standing in the hallway.
Pushing open the door, I peek my head around the corner. The main chamber is dark, save for the soft moonlit ocean beyond my window and the small glow of the lantern in Marta’s room.
It’s late, maybe she’s already asleep? I can feel my stomach drop slightly at the idea I’ll get no contact with her tonight. Even in her anger, I find some pull.
But that’s when I hear it—something I’m sure wouldn’t be audible to human ears. My hearing is much more refined, though, and I catch a soft whimpering and sniffing coming from behind the cracked closet door.
Marta is crying, and it’s the only sound I can focus on. The nerves of my gills prickle, and there’s a pressure in my chest. Because of the bond, her pain is my pain.
I use one finger to gently push the cracked door wider. Marta is curled on her bed, wrapped in a sheet, and clinging to a pillow. Her face is buried into its down as her back heaves.
“Are you alright?” I inquire, already knowing that her sadness isn’t a physical pain.
She freezes, maybe unaware I had even returned, and turns her head to me. My mate’s face is puffy and red, her cheeks tear streaked, and the pillow damp from where her face had just been.
“Of course I’m not, what part of any of this is okay?” She swipes her fingers under her eyes and sits, pulling the sheet up and tucking it under her armpits for modesty. “And why the hell do you care? You’re the one holding me hostage.”
I look away from her, the pit of my stomach tightening at the word hostage. She’s not wrong, though. I won’t let her leave, I can’t.
But I don’t know what to do if she stays. I’ll never convince her to love me. Why should she? I’m disfigured, I am an alien to her, and she just wants to go home.
“I won’t hurt you. You are safe here with me, I wasn’t lying before. I won’t go back on my word.” I don’t bother disputing the fact that I am holding her hostage.
“How can I believe you? I’ve seen your eyes when we get close…if that’s what you want, what’s stopping you, huh?” She scowls, and her tone is a bitter one.
What I want?I cock my head at her, confused. But as I stare, she pulls the sheet around her even tighter.
Oh goddess…she thinks that I would force her to…
