I could almost see the fire in Jack’s eyes as he pushed his way through the crowd. Many of the partygoers stopped and stared. They could tell that there was a problem. Worst of all, Lana was there watching us with morbid curiosity.
“I’m sorry,” I called out to Jack. “I went too far. Hey!” I grabbed his arm. He turned, an expression of pure hatred in his eyes.
Hysterical, he yelled out, “What the hell do you want? And why are you stopping me? Can you not tell I don’t want to be around you? Can’t you give me five goddamn seconds of peace?”
OK, that was a bit much. I knew I had intentionally baited him, but part of it was because, pathetic as it was, I thought if I told the truth maybe we could actually make some progress with each other. He continued, “Were you honestly not aware of what you were doing to me in there? Did you wake up today and think, you know what, I’ll go find Ross and kiss another guy in front of him and see if I can drive him even further out of his mind!”
“What do you care if I kiss someone? What do you care if I kiss every guy in there? I mean, you don’t want me, that much is obvious, so why should I have to explain myself to you?”
“Just go!” he shouted. “Go back and play your stupid truth or dare, I’m sure they have some super-cool idea for what you can do next!”
“Should I remind you that you’re the one who stood up and decided you were going to kiss me?” I asked.
“And? What? You wanted Finn to do it instead? How would you feel if there was some girl in there who was going to kiss me?”
“How would you feel,” I responded, “if you had to stand there and watch me taking drugs and destroying my life and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it?”
That cut close to the bone, but I didn’t care, and I didn’t regret it. And he knew I was right—that was why his face went blank and all that rage drained out of him. “I can do what I want,” he murmured.
“Fine. You do that,” I said, turning around. Will, Naya, and Sue were there. I guess Lana had gone to get them. “Let’s go,” I told Will, then looking at Jack, I said, “Enjoy the rest of your night.”
“Are you serious?” he shouted as I passed him. “You’re actually just going to leave?”
“What the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Stay here with me. I’ll take you home later.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I replied. “I doubt you could even get the car in gear in your condition.”
“Do you have to criticize literally every single thing I ever do?”
“No, but I’m also not going to let you kill us both! Jesus! If I’d known you were going to blow up like this, I never would have let you kiss me again.”
I hadn’t thought about the consequences those words would have on him or me, or how our friends, who were watching us, would take them. I don’t know why I kept thinking that hurting him would bring him closer…or did I want to push him away so I could stop thinking about him? He shouted something about how I could go back and make out with those other guys if that was what I wanted, and I told him maybe I would, that at least they knew how to have a good time. Naya interrupted us, saying, “Come on, you two,” but neither of us listened to her.
“Here’s an idea,” Jack said, “since apparently I bother you so much. How about you pack your goddamn bags and get the hell out of my apartment!”
“I will!” I shouted. “Half my stuff is still in my suitcase, because I knew something like this would happen. There was no way you were ever going to be mature enough to deal with this situation.”
“How am I supposed to deal with it? You do realize you’re the one who just abandoned me one day. And now I’m just supposed to forget that after a whole year of suffering and act like everything’s perfect?”
“Whatever!” I said. “I’ll be out of your life soon, and then you won’t have me to blame for your problems anymore.”
He stopped, panting from so much screaming, then started in on me again: “Sounds great! Go find yourself a place where you can bring home all the dudes you want.”
“Sorry, Jack. That may be how you cope with things, but that’s not who I am.”
“You have no fucking idea how I do or don’t cope with things.”
“Screw this,” Sue interrupted us. “I’m not going to sit here and watch two babies scream at each other all night. Will, either we can go now or I’m catching an Uber.”
Will shrugged, told her to grab her coat, and hung back to talk for a moment with Jack. I walked off, thinking at least this was over for now, but no such luck. When Will met us outside, he had Jack in tow. We said nothing as we piled into the car, and I felt bad for Sue, who had to sit between us. Jack and I both looked out the window and ignored each other the whole ride home. In the elevator, I could feel his eyes on me, but I stared at the ground. I didn’t want him to see what I was feeling, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what was going through his mind.
Once we were back home, Will and Naya tried to start a normal conversation, but when that failed, they rushed off to their room, and Sue did the same. I was alone with Jack, who was sitting on the sofa with his back turned.
He surprised me with a question: “I want to ask you something. Were you ever unfaithful to me?”
His voice was quaking. I’d been holding my coat under my arm. But my body went weak, and I dropped it to the ground. Was he serious? I walked around until I could see his face, sad, desperate. That hurt: how in the hell could he even think that? I knew I had screwed things up, I understood why he was mad at me, I’d have even understood if he told me he never wanted to see me again. But he had to know me well enough to know I’d never, ever cheat on him.
