“Jen, be cool,” Jack said.
“Be cool! Oh, I’m cool, Jack, I’m fucking cool.” Espying a bottle of whiskey on the table, I picked it up and took a long swig. I saw one bubble,two, three, four, five, rise up through the glass. My throat was on fire and I wanted to vomit, but I wasn’t going to let all these jerks win, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to throw up after Lana told me the sorority house had already gotten in trouble.
Everyone cheered, and for a moment, Jack was speechless. I talked and joked, and watched Jack get more and more pissed with every word I uttered, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell me off. He just clenched his teeth, opened and closed his fists, sighed, took drags on his joint. Trying to get a reaction, I threw an arm around him, took a selfie of us, and sent it to my sister. Then, I called out suddenly, “How about a game of truth or dare?”
The guys were into it. Why wouldn’t they be? They were drunk and horny, and I was a warm body, which I was pretty sure was all any of them cared about. Most of them went for the dare, probably hoping they could get some action with me out of it, but I wasn’t that stupid. I made two of the guys slow dance with each other, another one had to send a sexy voice message to his ex, and another had to show everyone the most embarrassing photo on his phone.
It didn’t go much further for a while, but then a guy named Eric dared his friend Finn to kiss me from the tattoo on my hip all the way to my neck. When I first came in, Finn had been trash-talking me worse than anyone else there, so I was surprised to find him suddenly hesitant, even shy. But then I saw why. Jack was fuming, and Finn kept glancing over, uncertain whether this was a good idea.
“Maybe we should try something else,” I suggested, afraid of what Jack or Finn might do.
“Come on,” Eric said. “It’s a couple of kisses. Trust me, if Finn wusses out, we’ll come up with something even worse.”
The tension was killing me, but I’d told myself I needed to get a reaction out of Jack, no matter what. So I agreed, “Sure, to hell with it. We’re all adults, what’s the big deal?”
I grabbed the hem of my top and pulled it up. Amid oohs and ahs, Finn bent down, ready to go. The thought of some stranger leaving a streak of his saliva on me grossed me out, but I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and waited. Then I heardhold on, and looked up to find Jack clutching Finn’s arm.
“I’ve got this,” he said, sounding annoyed.
He handed me the cigarette he’d just lit and pulled me to my feet, pushing me against a shelf and resting his hands on either side of my hips. He got on his knees. People started giggling and making obscene comments I tried not to listen to. Letting a stranger do this had been one thing, but knowing Jack was about to touch me in that way drove me into a panic. Of course, he’d done it lots of times before. But this time, I wasn’t sure he’d be so gentle—I wasn’t sure that gentle guy was even still there—and I was scared.
I leaned my head back as I felt him tug my skirt down to expose my tattoo and deposit his first kiss there. His mouth was hot as it trailed up my abdomen and then between my breasts. He kissed my clavicle, licked the hollow of my neck. It felt raw, almost aggressive, and when he was done, he took back his cigarette and sat back down without looking at me. You’d have thought he’d felt nothing at all. He was calm, almost apathetic, as I turned red, bent over, and rested my hands on my knees.
“I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve sure got a boner now,” Eric said, getting a laugh out of everyone except Jack and me.
I was worried about what would come next, and I hoped the group would turn its attention to someone else. But I wouldn’t get that lucky. We went around in the circle, everyone asked stupid questions or proposed stupid dares, and when I was up again, I saidtruth. But Eric knew how to get what he wanted, and he asked me a question so embarrassing, so personal, that I had to say, “Never mind, dare.”
With a smile, he told me to do the same as Jack had done to me, butinstead of finishing at his neck, I’d have to kiss him on the mouth, too. Everyone cheered except Jack, who hung his head in exasperation.
“No,” I said.
“We can go back to truth,” Finn responded.
“Fine, I’ll do it, but it has to be like before,” I suggested, “I’ll go up to the neck, but I won’t kiss him on the lips.”
“What’s the deal?” Finn asked. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to! Poor Ross, I know he’s an ugly bastard, but he’s a good guy, he deserves a real kiss! Don’t be a chicken.”
“It’s not that,” I said.
“She’s scared she’ll like it.” This phrase came from Jack, who was rolling his eyes.So that’s how it is… I wasn’t going to let anyone put me down like that. I stood and turned to him, knowing he was manipulating me, knowing that he loved provoking me, but unable to stop taking the bait. I don’t think he thought it would work, but there I was in front him, and neither of us could turn back.
He was sitting on the floor, and I grabbed his knees, kneeled down, listened to all the filthy comments everybody was making, tried not to let them get to me. Jack ignored everyone, too. He looked at me in shock, maybe with desire, and when our eyes met, he pursed his lips, trying to pretend he wasn’t nervous.
“What are you trying to prove?” he asked.
“Shut up and let me do my dare.”
“So youdowant me,” he said.
Was he sincere? Was he putting me down? I didn’t know and didn’t care. Nervous, I planted my first kiss just above the button of his jeans. He tensed beneath my lips and opened his legs to accommodate me. I gripped his legs tight as I rose up his abdomen.
I was less aggressive than he’d been, but that didn’t stop him from reacting. He was still, but I could sense how he was throbbing inside. Hedidn’t say anything cruel, didn’t try to put me down; he just stood still, quivering slightly. I could feel his heart racing as his chest rose and fell. Mine was, too, as I reached his neck. His Adam’s apple rose as I kissed it. The stubble on his cheeks poked my lips. I looked him dead in the eyes, ready for that last kiss. My mouth was open, our tongues ready to touch, and at the very last moment, I planted a finger in the middle of his forehead and pushed him against the wall. He blinked, baffled, as I murmured, “You wish,” and sat back down.
People whistled and cheered, and I tried to ignore it. I had wanted to show him I could stand up to him, but I didn’t want to see him hurt or frustrated. The catcalling and laughter ceased. The feeling in the room was unpleasant. I hadn’t drunk that much, but I was feeling confused and woozy, and Jack was high as a kite. I could tell by the way he moved, his clumsiness when he grabbed at his drinks or his cigarettes, his glassy eyes when he was supposed to be paying attention.
When it was my turn again, I opted fortruth, because who knew what they’d ask me to do next. Eric asked me, “Do you have a crush on someone?” and I almost blurted out Jack’s name.Get a hold of yourself, I thought. But then I saw him staring at me intensely and thought it was time to take the lid off the charade. “I do,” I said. “I’m in love with a complete idiot.”
Jack slammed his glass down on the table, getting everyone’s attention just before he stood and walked out, slamming the door. What the…? Maybe I’d overstepped a line a little bit, but was it really that bad? Was it too direct? Too soon? I wasn’t sure, but I knew I had to follow him, no matter what the other people thought, no matter how much they kept shouting for me to come back and keep playing.
