“I can’t do this with you,” she said, her voice hoarse. Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
Will swallowed hard. How was it that the end of a relationship that hadn’t even really gotten off the ground could cause so much hurt. “Why?”
She took so long to answer Will wondered if she was going to. But finally she said, “I don’t know how to be in a relationship when there’s another woman involved.”
“What?” Will stared at her, certain he hadn’t heard her right. “Another woman? I’m not involved with another woman.”
She looked away from him. “It’s Delia.” He heard her voice crack on Delia’s name.
“Delia? This is about Delia?” Will wished the fog ofconfusion would clear from his head. “I don’t understand.”
“I saw you with Delia, Will. I was here the night you arrived with her as your new bride. I saw the love and adoration you had for her. It was hard to miss. I’m the opposite of Delia in pretty much every way, and I just can’t get past feeling like I would be second best. That I would never have all your love.” Amy rubbed a hand just below her left collar bone. “And maybe I’m just being naïve, but I don’t want to be someone’s second choice. I don’t want to have to share someone’s heart with another woman.”
“You’ve put some thought into this,” was Will’s only response as he stared at her.
Amy’s head dropped before she looked at him again. “Yes.” As she stared at him, Will sensed that she was trying to decide if she should go on. “You don’t know this, but you’ve already broken my heart once.”
“What?” The fog of confusion suddenly got even denser. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I know.” She paused before continuing. “When I was here that Christmas for Lance and Jessa’s wedding and I met you for the first time, I was positive that you were the man God wanted me to marry.”
Of all the things he’d thought she’d say, that hadn’t even been on the radar. “Uh, you were how old?”
“I was fifteen, but I felt it strongly. I wanted to say something, to ask you to wait for me, but figured you’d just think I was crazy, so I didn’t. When I came for Cami and Josh’s wedding, I talked to Cami about it. I was so excited to see you again and had made the decision to talk to you. During that year or so since I’d last seen you, I’d prayed that if it wasn’t meant to be that God would take what I felt away. I prayed for you every night.”
“You did?” Will was more than a little baffled at the direction of the conversation.
“Yes. Every night I prayed that God would keep you safeand guard your heart for me. Then that night at the wedding...”
“I showed up with Delia as my wife.”
“Yes. I was devastated. I couldn’t figure out what had happened. I was angry at God for not taking away the feelings I had for you. I was angry at you for falling in love with someone else. It was a very rough time for me. And I couldn’t talk to anyone but Cami about it. And even she didn’t know how deeply I hurt.”
He had no idea how to respond. “I’m...sorry?”
“No need to be sorry. How could you have known?” Amy sighed. “I spent a lot of time moving on from my feelings for you since then. I had even convinced myself it was just some teenage crush that had lasted too long. When Cami asked me to come here, I was sure it wouldn’t be an issue. I was even more convinced when you didn’t even recognize me that first morning at the manor.”
“I don’t even know what to say to all this,” Will said. “I had no idea.”
“I know you didn’t. What I’m struggling with now isn’t your fault. When I started feeling things for you again, and then you seemed to reciprocate, I thought I could do it. But it seems that I can’t.” Amy’s shoulders slumped. “The memories keep cropping up and sucker punching me. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. I just can’t do it. I’m sorry.”
“This morning?” Will asked.
Amy looked at him, her head tilted to the side. “What about it?”
“When you left the service. Was it one of those sucker punch memories?”
She stared at him for a long moment before nodding.
“What was it?”
Her brows drew together. “I don’t know if it was the song or what, but suddenly I was sixteen again watching you andDelia stand together two rows in front of me. You had your arm around her, and when you looked at each other, all I could see was the love you had for her. The love I thought you would one day have for me.”
Will remembered that day. Their first service as a married couple in his hometown. It was odd to think that something that had been so special to him had brought such pain to Amy. But he hadn’t known. And even if he had, he wasn’t sure he would have done anything differently. He had loved Delia, and they’d already been married.
“Was there more today?” he asked, curious if the trip to the apartment had triggered something.
Her gaze dropped from his, and she hunched forward. “The apartment.”
