“I shouldn’t have done it. I know I shouldn’t have, but I went to his room while he was on the phone with his mom. He still has a picture of her beside his bed. His side of the bed.”
“Ah, sweetie.” Cami slipped an arm around her shoulders again and leaned her head against Amy’s.
“And it wasn’t just that.” Amy recounted what had happened in the service earlier in the day. “Out of nowhere that memory hit me. I’m just not strong enough to deal with it all.Just when I think I’ve got a handle on it, something else happens to pull me back to where I don’t want to be.”
“I wish I knew what to tell you. I understand being trapped by the past. I’ve been there, and it’s not as easy as just saying it’s not going to bother you anymore. I understand that completely.” Cami fell silent for a moment. “Satan preys on those weaknesses in us. Even now out of the blue I’ll see someone the age my baby would have been, and the thought will hit me.That’s the age your child would have been if you hadn’t killed it.I only get through moments like that with God’s strength. Have you prayed about this?”
“Every day. Every hour. Honestly, I feel like it’s a prayer constantly running in the back of my mind. But maybe this is God’s way of telling me once again that Will is not meant for me.”
“Don’t be so sure of that, sweetheart. Just because something isn’t easily obtained doesn’t mean that it still isn’t God’s will for us. However, only you can figure that out for yourself. None of the rest of us can live your life. None of us understands the pain you felt all those years ago.”
“I just want it gone. I want to love and be loved without the shadow of another woman hanging over that love. And Will deserves a relationship with someone who isn’t dealing with stuff like this. I can’t undo the past. I can’t unmeet Delia. I can’t unsee everything that happened back then. I think it’s just too much to overcome.” Amy stared out at the water, feeling hot tears course down her cheeks. “I feel like I’m right back there again. That teenager feeling so hurt andnot being able to do anything about it.”
“But she was strong enough to move past the hurt and get on with her life,” Cami reminded her. “You’ve dated other men. You’ve been moving ahead with your life. You’ve been living life and embracing it.”
“Yeah, but with everything that’s transpired over the past couple of weeks I kind of feel like the chair’s been kicked out from beneath me. No job. No relationship. I feel like I embraced life, and it turned around and slapped me.” She kicked at the sand with the toe of her sandal.
“You can’t let this get you so down, sweetie. The blessings you have in your life far outweigh the struggles you’re facing now. This is not like you.”
Amy sighed. “I know. I just don’t know what to do. I need to end this thing with Will because letting it go on will only make things worse for both of us.”
“You really think ending it is necessary?” Cami asked. “Maybe you just need to explain to him. Let him know what you’re struggling with. He may be able to help you.”
Amy glanced at Cami. “I don’t know if I can do that. Not without becoming an emotional mess.”
They sat in silence for several minutes before Cami reached over and took her hand. “Let me pray with you.”
Amy nodded and bent her head. Tears dripped onto their joined hands, and though she longed for it with all her heart, there was no peace that flooded her at the end of Cami’s prayer. Still just turmoil and hurt.
~*~*~
Will was glad that Lance didn’t take too long going over the file. Once the other two men began discussing specifics of the job that didn’t involve him, he excused himself. Out in the backyard, he glanced around for Amy but didn’t see her. He did see Cami and Josh standing close to each other, apparently deep in discussion about something. Josh pulled Cami into a tight embrace, resting his cheek on her hair.Something about the action was unsettling, but he wasn’t sure why.
Laurel and Violet were sitting nearby on lounge chairs, so he approached them. “Do you guys know where Amy is?”
“I think I saw her go down to the lake,” Laurel said. “Cami went with her, but she came back alone, so I assume she’s still down there.”
Will nodded, an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. He was pretty sure his sister had seen him head that way, and he half expected Cami to stop him as he walked toward the path leading to the lake. But she didn’t. His steps slowed as he saw the beach ahead.
As he stepped onto the sand, he immediately spotted Amy sitting on the swing. Sitting with her hands under her thighs, shoulders hunched and head bent did not bode well in Will’s mind.
Not walking any closer, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Amy?”
Her head jerked around, and the emotion on her face was like a kick in the gut. She stared at him for a moment before lowering her head once again.
No, this was not good.
Slowly, Will approached the swing and settled onto it, careful not to crowd her. He was afraid that she was just skittish enough she might bolt if he got too close.
“Have I done something to upset you?” He figured that was a good place to start, giving her the opportunity to get it out if he had, in fact, done something.
Her head lifted, but she didn’t look at him. Instead, she stared out at the lake, and he could see there was dampness on her cheeks. Something told him that whatever had concerned Cami and Josh about him and Amy had come to fruition.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“What’s wrong?” he prodded again, desperate to know what was going on.
He saw her take a deep breath before she turned to face him.
