“I had fun over the phone the other night,” he whispers, looking at me.
My breath catches at the memory of what his words did to me. My mind is a swirling vortex of mixed feelings and confused thoughts. A damn mindfuck ofshould I or shouldn’t Iallow myself to be with him.
“Yeah, it was…different. I’ve never done something like that before,” I reply, eyes down to the ground. “I’m guessing you do that all the time?” I half-tease.
As people pass by, he takes the disguise of giving them more space to walk by us as an opportunity to lean in closer to me. His chest is to my shoulder while his hand is on my lower back. He whispers down my neck, “I’ve never done anything like that before, either. You brought that out of me, ace.”
My breath hitches.
He moves back to walking by my side as we reach the hospitality tent, and gestures for me to go in first. I stare at him as I enter the tent, and it feels like we’re in slow motion. Our eyes lock, and I can’t breathe. My chest is tight as his eyes pierce so deeply into mine. My legs finally decide to move at a regular pace, and I head into the tent. How does he have this effect on me? It’s just a look.
I go straight for the coffee, and he is by my side in a moment, his warmth up against my side.
“Okay, I got my coffee. See you back in the pit,” I rush to say so I am not stuck talking to him again. I am sure it would be fine. There are witnesses here, but I can’t. I need to focus and stay on task.
Javi is a little startled, but recovers quickly. “Ditching me so quickly?” He picks up a take-away sandwich and a coffee before looking back at me. “Lead the way, gorgeous.”
What is happening?
Without talking, I start heading out again.
“I must have really pressed your buttons that night,” he muses.
“You didn’t. I just have a lot on my plate,” I reply, which is true now that I have agreed to this motocross project to focus on.
We walk in silence for several moments until Javi breaks. “Sorry if the texts made things weirder.”
“It didn’t, I just…” I dial down my pace to a dawdle, “I need to make sure I am making the right choices. And getting involved with my rider isn’t the choice I should be making. I shouldn’t have pushed the line that night. That’s on me. It was a moment of weakness.”
We have stopped now and are facing each other. I am glad his hands are full and won’t tempt me by embracing or touching me.
What am I thinking?I can’t give him false hope. It’s not fair.
“You didn’t push anything. I shouldn’t have started it,” he replies. “But I don’t regret what I said. I am here when you are ready, okay?”
“I can’t have you holding out in case I am ready,” I whine. This is not what I want to hear from him. This makes me feel even worse.
“I had a personal goal not to see anyone so I could focus on the championship. This works for me,” he says, but his voice and face doesn’t hide the disappointment he’s trying to mask.
I glare around to see no one around but us. “Follow me.”
We walk a few metres to the motorhome Rayna had just shown me that I can borrow for the motocross project.
We enter the motorhome, and Javi is clearly confused. I am not going to bother explaining why I have a key to a motorhome right now.
“Fancy.” He looks around the motorhome, placing his sandwich and coffee down on the closest surface.
Doing the same with my coffee, I watch him and say, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
The honest admission takes him by surprise as he whips his head over to me. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t forget what you said that night, and I can’t believe my own words when I keep trying to tell myself logically that this…” The emotions swirl up and my voice chokes.
“Us?” he prompts.
“Yes, us.” I take a breath. “That we shouldn’t do this. It wouldn’t be part of either of our plans.”
He steps in, putting his hand on the side of my face. My senses are overtaken by his presence, his vibration. The scent of leather and watermelon is overwhelming.
