This was such an easy, happy moment. Barrett shrugged. “Then maybe it’s time to give her one. You have one.”
“She was never entirely me.” I had always held that belief.
“No, she wasn’t, but she was kind of you.” Phoenix drank his coffee and handed one to Barrett. “She can still be the Poor Relation. She’s what happens next to her.”
That was something to think about for sure. There was no movement upstairs that I could hear. “The twins are really out of it.”
“They are.”
So out of it they continued to snore when I dressed and left the room. Barrett was waiting for me, and Phoenix sat by the window looking out, holding his coffee. “See you in a bit.”
It felt weird not to say good morning or goodbye to the twins, so I shot them good morning and goodbye over texts and jumped in the car with Barrett. We got to the clinic, and he leaned over to kiss me.
When his lips met my own, I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy, fast peck. No, and not because of Barrett, but because I really wanted to kiss him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on. Barrett quickly got the idea and caressed my mouth with his own. He sighed against me before he slipped his tongueinto my mouth. It was like our tongues danced together. Barrett moaned. I loved that sound. I knew a little bit more what exactly that meant, and I loved that he felt that way.
Finally, he pulled back and sank into his seat, panting. My own heart raced. “Fuck. I mean. Thank you. I am going to be… really excited all day now.” He ran his thumb down my cheek. “I love you. But if you don’t get out of the car, I’m going to keep you here kissing you all day and you have to go to therapy. It’s important.”
I tilted my head. “Kissing you might be better therapy.”
He groaned. “Go.”
I bit my lip. “Soon, Barrett. Okay?”
He would know what I meant, and the intake of his breath told me he did. I meant it too, which was amazing.
The cool air bit me as I left the car, and I realized I hadn’t brought my knit hat. Well, my forgetfulness was going to mean that my head was cold most of the day. I hoped Dr. Trevor could be trusted. Sam had proven to be fine. But what happened now?
And why did I think I could suddenly become Detective Alatheia? I could barely pass school.
I went inside to his office. This time I knew where I was going and didn’t have to be walked. Lily had the window open and waved to me when I entered. I quickly took a seat. Was this supposed to feel this stressful? Shouldn’t I be glad for therapy? What the fuck was wrong with me?
The door opened and Dr. Trevor walked in. “Alatheia, right on time. I love that. Or is that Barrett’s doing? He definitely has Kit’s sense of punctuality.”
I smiled. “I think I’d have been early if Barrett had his way today.” I’d waylaid us in the car. “But I was up on time to be here on time.”
He motioned for me to come and I did. We were back in his office, and I sat down. Everything was the same. That was kind of nice.
“Today ” —he sat down— “ I’d like to talk to you about an idea I have for how we can progress.”
Uh-oh.
13
Imanaged not to pull my knees up and lay my head on them. Instead, I stayed very still. “Like what?”
“You sound terrified.” He didn’t move. “Are you?”
I nodded. “Yes. All of this is just so scary for me. I don’t know why. But I have to remember to tell you that I’m not sleeping. I had a panic attack almost all night two nights ago, and last night I just couldn’t sleep. Finally read myself to sleep on the couch.”
He leaned back in his chair. “That’s not surprising to me. Not at all. Don’t forget among other things that you have been through you are going through a drug withdrawal. Now I haven’t seen any signs of you missing the injections they were giving you. Are you? You can tell me if you are.”
Missing them? “I’ve never been so relieved to not have something in my whole life.”
“Right, but for example, a drug addict might be relieved when they finally get through detox but inevitably also miss it. There are reasons for this. If you’re not, it could be because what was happening to you wasn’t so much an addiction as a medical trauma.”
I supposed that made sense in some ways. “I’ll for sure tell you if I want to use something. What I’d really like to be able to do is go to sleep.”
“I’m going to suggest some things for that. But I also want to talk to you about something called EMDR. It can help people deal with trauma. I think it would be a good fit for you.”
