Nathaniel has noticed and started to stop her. He keeps trying to talk to me about it but there are some things it’s just better to keep inside. At least for me. Lately when I sleep I am dreaming about my uncle. I haven’t seen him since I ran away. It’s doubtful I would run into him, so I would love to know why I am thinking about him at all.
Ed took me rowing on the lake. It is beautiful here. Even though I hate it. We ran into another group of boaters. One woman took one look at Ed and me and started weeping. I didn’t understand it, and it wasn’t until later that he sheepishly confessed that she had wanted to marry them. They’d known her their whole lives and maybe at some point one or the other of them had liked her but never for very long and promises had never been made. At least not by them. Their mothers might be a different matter.
It had to be really hard when you were expected to live this life to have what you thought would happen be ripped away from you.
When I’d asked Ed if he had liked her, he adamantly told me he never had. Maybe he’s lying. I’m going to let him get away with it.
That seems like a box even Pandora doesn’t want to open.
I am letting my mother-in-law think that I’m taking birth control. I’m not. But I’m not pregnant. No reason. No explanation. Just no baby. Perhaps I’m not meant to be a mother. I don’t know if I’d be a very good one.
DL
I closedthe book as my eyes drifted closed. The couch wasn’t that comfortable, but I didn’t care.
“Hey. ”Phoenix smoothed the hair off my head. “Why did you sleep down here?”
I smiled at him. Early morning sun came through the window. “Came down to read, and I guess I drifted off.”
He hugged me to him, and I breathed in the essence that was Phoenix. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” he whispered in my ear. “The others aren’t up yet. But it’s time. You aren’t sleeping well. You should tell Kirk that. He might be able to help you. In any case, he should know.”
Phoenix obviously did not havethe problem I did with using Dr. Trevor’s first name. He was right nonetheless. “I’ll get up.”
“I’ll make coffee. We can have a minute like we used to at home.”
That was right. Before school it was all just Phoenix and me after Barrett left. Except the one time that Julian had stayed home and Phoenix had not been happy.
“What are we going to do about school? I mean… when they arrested me, my family had turned my whole life into proof I was a bad person. Do you think they could do that because I’m currently not in school?”
He shook his head. “They don’t get a say if you’re in school. That’s Monk business now, and as far as I can tell, Daisy Monk is leaving it be for the moment. But we should probably just be in school because education is important. Do you want to enroll in an online school? We could do it together. Sit next to each other and not have to put up with people like Collins and crazy classmates.”
I hadn’t thought about my friendships from Pullman. “How are the people there that I left? Any idea?”
“No. But Jeremy might. I’m totally checked out of there right now in my mind. Pretty sure Jules is too since he is also done, and Barrett graduated. So, yeah, ask Jeremy. He just knows things.”
He brewed coffee, and I sat listening to the grinding sound as the aroma filled the room.
“Hey, you two.” Barrett came in rubbing his eyes. “How did I miss both of you getting up?”
“She didn’t sleep with us. Found her on the couch this morning.” Phoenix yawned.
I winced. “Can’t sleep. I’m going to tell the doctor this morning.”
Barrett drew me into a hug. “You know what I’m going to say, right?”
“Yes. Wake you. But my insomnia need not be your insomnia.”
He laughed. “You sounded just like Gretchen then. Time to start thePoor Relationback up?”
I caught my breath. I really had. “Maybe.”
The idea had been inconceivable yesterday, but maybe today… yes, maybe I would put something together later.
“The Real Deal has been aching for her. She could come home.” Phoenix smiled as he handed me a coffee.
“She doesn’t have a home. Not really.” I sipped my coffee. That tasted good. Phoenix did know how I liked my coffee.
