Grrrrrrrrrrrr!I need to get out of my head.
There’s something about being fully made-up in a very sleek, modern way and donning a sexy little black one-shouldered dress and bad-ass, four-inch heeled gladiator sandals that helps me make the mental transition. It feels like I’m always with Josh, whether as me or Georgiana. Tonight I’m a moviestar on the UK’s most beloved and long-running talk show to chat about a fun project that has absolutely nothing to do with you-know-who.
Gordon Kay himself is a national treasure, a terrifyingly witty Scot who can more than hold his own with the biggest celebrities. I’ve been on his sofa probably once a year sinceGracie, and he’s always been an absolute sweetheart to me.
I suspect he feels partly responsible for the public shit show that was Josh’s Twitter break up with me, because it was his tweet Josh responded to. Maybe responsible isn’t the right word, but he seems invested in my wellbeing and he’s proven a steadfast champion of me and my projects.
He usually goes easy on me on the sofa, and I’m praying tonight will be the same. Mara’s made it clear to him that she will not tolerate him asking me about Josh. She’s been equally fierce with me. I’m to stick to the topic ofHysteria.It’s a big-budget movie and there is, aptly enough, hysteria building ahead of the premiere. My and Leo’s faces are on the side of every bus in London. It should be an easy gig.
Everything starts smoothly. We get a huge cheer from the studio audience as we traipse onto the set. Gordon mock-greets us all with kisses (he’s already swung by to have a quick drink with us in the green room), and he kicks things off with a viewing of theHysteriatrailer, which we all dutifully watch on the monitors. It’s high octane, fast and furious, and frankly ridiculous. We’re all laughing by the time it wraps up.
‘Wowzers.’ Gordon crosses his legs and stacks his prompt cards on his thigh. ‘You look exhausted. That must have been exhausting to film. Was it?’
I laugh. ‘It was pretty physical.’ Not as physical as filmingGrosvenor, for totally different reasons I have no intention of disclosing to Gordon, but still. ‘Leo was already in great shape’—I grab his bicep to demonstrate—‘but they put methrough a killer regime of weights and boxing to get me fit, and it was ashock.’
‘They practically had her in tears,’ Leo confirms. ‘Poor little snowflake.’ He hugs me to him in a brotherly way.
‘But it must have been great fun, all the same. What did you guys get up to together?’
‘Leo was the funnest part about it,’ I tell Gordon. ‘When there’s that much green screen, you really rely on your co-actors to keep the energy levels high. Leo’s great at impressions, so he kept me doubled up with laughter the whole time.’
‘Impressions like what?’ Gordon asks. ‘Give us an example, Leo.’
‘You sure you want me to do this?’ Leo launches into an impression of Gordon that’s so evilly accurate we’re all shaking with laughter. I carefully wipe under my eyes. The makeup team did a great job of covering up my rash, but the cosmetics are irritating my eyelids even more. I just want to get home and wipe this muck off.
‘You’re never invited on this fucking show again.’ Gordon points his cards at Leo. This show airs after the 9pm watershed, so the language usually gets fairly fruity. ‘Anyway, my dear.’ He swivels to me. ‘Going fromHysteriatoGrosvenormust be a huge shift for you.’
I smile carefully at him to let him know he’s on thin ice, and cross my legs prettily. I think about taking a swig of the wine that’s been laid out for me, but my stomach is cramping.
‘It is. But they’re both great production teams, and I’ve wanted to do a Regency drama forever. Playing one of Nicola Marchant’s heroines, especially Georgiana Kenworthy, is a dream come true. And thankfully, playing a nineteenth-century lady means no gym. Which is ahugebonus for me. It’s basically the reason I took the role.’
Cue more laughter from the sofa and the studio audience.
Gordon leans forward in a predatory fashion. ‘Interesting. I was wondering what on earth attracted you to the job when you knew your co-star would be Josh Lander.’
He raises his eyebrows and sits back. The audience sucks its collective breath in with a drama level that’s totally unnecessary.
My stomach complains.
I ignore it.
My smile doesn’t reach my eyes.
‘Josh and I are both professionals, and for all those Nicola Marchant fans out there, let me tell you this. He’s going to make the most fantastic Dominic.’
‘So you haven’t gouged his eyes out yet?’
Leo still has his arm around me, and he gives me an imperceptibleyou’ve got thissqueeze.
‘Sorry to disappoint, but we’re getting along just fine.’If only you knew, Gordon.
I’m hoping the firmness of my tone communicates to Gordon that this avenue of conversation is closed, but he’s like a dog with a fucking bone.
‘Any chance of a happy ending for you two? That would be quite the story, wouldn’t it?’
This is only the start of it. I can’t even imagine what the questioning will be like when theGrosvenorpublicity circus starts later this year and I have to sit next to Josh and politely bat back question after question about our personal lives.
There is no story.
