“Do you have a humiliation kink, or something?” Benson asks me as soon as Plum is out of sight.
I snort, looking up at the massive alpha, with his arms crossed over his chest and his hair a mess. He’s wearing the bright green pants I got him, with red and white socks. Even Nick put on the matching set I brought for all of us. I bought them the night of the dinner at my mom’s. I knew they weren’tgoing anywhere, and even with the new information, I doubt either of them is willing to walk away from Plum.
So, here we are in our matching sets that I’m not sure I deserve to wear but put on to make Plum happy anyway. The heavy, aching weight that’s been trying to cave in my chest for the last three days tightens.
“I don’t know. No?” I shrug. “Maybe?” I say after a long pause.
Benson and Nick are sitting on the wall-to-wall couch that looks more like a massive bed, so I sit in the recliner that faces them. I don’t really want to look at them, but I know when Plum returns, she’s going to sit with them. So from here I’ll be able to watch her all I want.
Certainly never thought I’d come in my fucking boxers at the sight of another man eating Plum out like he’s been training all his adult life to make her scream his name.Fucking virgin. I roll my eyes, annoyed with myself for being jealous of the man.
The fucker didn’t wash the scent of her slick off of him. He’s just been walking around like a fucking horny peacock all damn day. The scent of her sweet peppermint slick has been heavy in the air since he started licking her pussy this morning.
I am in perpetual hell, and it’s exactly where I want to be.
“Because being tied up and gagged is humiliating enough, without having to watch your ex-girlfriend…ya know…” Benson says, nodding toward his junk.
“Suck your dick?” I ask, lifting a brow at the alpha. “I’m aware, thanks.” I know my cheeks are probably pink, but I’ve never talked about kinks with anyone before. Not even Plum. So yes, I’m embarrassed, but somehow despite the fact that I haven’t even been kissed since I was nineteen, I’m not the least experienced man in the room.
“How are you still a virgin?” I ask, trying to take the focus off of me.
“I assume the same way anyone is.” Benson says with a grin, seeing right through my plan of deflection. He seems to take pity on me, though, because he shrugs. “I’ve had a crush on Plum since I was a preteen.” He shrugs. “Fucking hated you just as long,” he adds, winking. “But to be honest, I never wanted anyone else.”
“Me neither.” I nod. Can’t blame him there. Glancing at the old man beside him, I ask, “What about you, Grandpa?”
“Fuck you,” he barks back, and we both smirk. “Plum was a child when I was in high school. So I lost my virginity about fifteen years before I even thought to look her way.”
“You mean before she realized how easy you are to rile up and started teasing you for the fun of it?” I ask, already knowing the answer. I did eavesdrop on their conversation Friday morning.
“Accurate.” Nick nods, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees as he narrows his eyes on me. “You going to break her heart again? Or get another dumbass idea and leave her behind to chase some bullshit plan?”
“No,” I answer immediately. I understand why he’s grilling me. I would do the same for Plum if I were him. “The only way I leave her again is in a casket.” I swallow hard, not wanting to say these next words, but know I need to. “Or if Plum tells me to go.” They’re barely a whisper, as my throat tightens.
“Nowyou want to respect her wishes?” Benson scoffs, and I flinch like he just Spartan-kicked me right in the heart.
“Ouch,” I say, rubbing at my aching chest. “Deserved, obviously, but ouch.”
“We don’t pull punches in this family,” Nick says as he leans back. “So. About that humiliation kink?”
“You’re a real dick, you know that?” I huff, crossing my arms as I watch the logs in the fireplace burn, the flames dancing in a way that doesn’t look as threatening as it is. “I don’t fuckingknow, man. I just… I don’t know how else to show her how sorry I am, except by letting her watch me suffer. Not in a way that would hurt her too.”
“Coming in your boxers doesn’t sound like suffering,” Benson snarks, giving me a look like he thinks I’m being dramatic.
“Maybe for a virgin that doesn’t know what it feels like to have Plum’s perfect body under you as she moans your name…” I snap at the younger alpha. Just because I understand this grilling doesn’t mean I’m enjoying it. “Trust me, it was fucking torture. Just because I don’t show her how much it sucks doesn’t mean it didn’t fucking suck. I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have, and I saw the look in her eyes when I said…” I swallow thickly, not able to say the words out loud. “What I said about dreaming. Seeing me hurting hurts her, even though I don’t deserve her empathy.” Benson shakes his head at my words, like he can’t believe how stupid I am. “What? Say it.”
“Next time,” he barks, leaning forward and lowering his voice, “Show her how fucked up it makes you. Let her see how it kills you inside to watch her come all over my face.” He glares, and I fucking glare right back. Asshole alpha. “Stop hiding from her.Show herthe damage.Show heryour pain. She deserves that much,” Benson adds quietly, but I’m already shaking my head.
“I don’t want to hurt her more—” I argue, but Nick cuts me off.
“Stop making her out to be some weak thing that you have to protect from your fucking emotions. It’s bordering on disrespectful at this point. She’s so much stronger than that.” Nick’s words land like a blow right to my soul, sinking into my bones, and I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting off the tears.
He’s right. Somehow, even when I do what I think is best for Plum, trying to protect her, I still fuck up.
“She can’t love you if you never show her who you are now,” Benson murmurs, and I crack, sucking in a shaky breath as I try to regain control.If she sees me crying…
Fuck! Not even ten seconds later, and I’m already fucking up again by trying to hide my tears from her.
So I say fuck it. I let the tears fall, and I let my body shake with my cries. I’m thankful that the alphas don’t offer me any kind of comfort or support. That would be a red flag. A sign that maybe I look worse off than I thought.
