Before she could decide whether she wanted him to stay or go, she heard his footsteps cross the small room. She opened her mouth, and at first, only a gasp came out. Her hand reached for him, though he was already down the hall.
“Be careful,” she whispered.
What was she thinking? She shouldn’t have let him leave. He didn’t know the city as well as she did, and the market would be maddening to him. She was so fixated on the ways he was innocent and helpless, while also being aware that he was the strongest, most brutal, and frankly – as it had been proven to her today – the most dangerous person she knew, that she’d ended up paralyzed and in need of being saved and cared for.
Seraphina was a mess, and it wouldn’t do. If she didn’t make sense of her feelings quickly, she would become a liability to both of them.
She lowered herself next to the dwindling fire and fed it a few more pieces of furniture. She listened to the flames grow and crackle as she started pulling every emotion she’d had in the past few hours to the forefront of her mind to analyze it with the devotion curators used when they studied and catalogued relics.
Chapter Sixteen
There was no such thing as healing, only mending to a certain degree.
Hours passed, and Rune didn’t return. Seraphina thought it was only in her head at first, that time seemed to stretch endlessly because she was alone and worried about him. But then she felt a chill in the air, and when she pressed her nose to the cracks in the boarded window, she smelled nightfall. She couldn’t see the daylight dwindling, but winter nights had a specific scent that was unmistakable – crisp and burning, it made her nostrils stick together.
“Where are you?” she whispered.
She left the storage room and went to the front door, opening it quietly so she could peek outside. A gust of wind sent a wave of fine snow across her face. Seraphina pulled her cloak tighter and forced herself to step out of the building, her boots crunching on the thin layer that had begun to collect. It was freezing, but she forced herself to stand still and listen.
She hadn’t realized it before, but the storage room was a perfect choice – small enough that the little fire and their body heat would warm it tonight. They would sleep comfortably, but why wasn’t he back? Something must have happened. He wouldn’t abandon her. Rune wouldn’t take her money and disappear.
Seraphina cursed herself and pulled her hood over her head. She had to find him, even if it meant scouring the entire city in a blizzard, street by street. She walked to the end of the alley and slipped into the next one. As she passed a row of dilapidated houses, she sensed a bundled shape huddled in a doorway. She raised her stick and hesitated, unsure if it was safe to approach. Then she heard a sob.
She would recognize his voice anywhere.
She ran and dropped to her knees beside him. Her hand reached for his face, but his hand shot up and caught her wrist.
“Don’t,” he said.
“I’m sorry. What happened? Are you all right?”
“I’m a coward.” His voice was thick with self-loathing. “I’m stupid.”
“No, you’re not–”
“It took me forever to get to the market. I almost didn’t buy the food because I was too scared. Then it took even longer to come back, and I lost my way. I couldn’t find the building anymore. All the houses look the same, in ruins, abandoned. And then it started to snow, and I was foolish enough to look up at the sky. I... I don’t remember what happened after. I woke up on the ground.”
He hit his head with his other hand while still holding onto Seraphina’s wrist.
“Useless. Stupid. Useless.”
She shook her head and reached for him again, but he kept her hand at a distance.
“Please don’t touch me.”
“All right.”
Her hand went limp, and when he let go, she curled her fingers into a fist and pressed it to her chest.
“I should have been able to do this one simple thing,” he said.
“It’s all right,” she said. “I found you. Nothing else matters. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let you go by yourself.”
“I did get food,” he said. “But it’s not much. Just a loaf of bread and some cheese. I didn’t know what else to get, and I’m sorry I spent your kreuzers on things that aren’t even good. The bread is hard. It’s probably old.”
A short, breathless sound escaped her, and it took Seraphina a moment to realize she was laughing. She frowned and pressedher lips together, then started pulling at his cloak, trying to get him to stand.
“Come on, let’s go. You were so close. You did good.”
