“I don’t love them any more than they love me, Kai. The whole thing was a lie.” I laugh, swiping at my tears before holding my hands open at my sides. “I thought I needed them to shield me from you. That you would draw me back in with ease if they didn’t help keep you at arm's length.”
“It’s a lie? Your relationship was made up just to scare me off?” he asks, his frown of confusion deeper than before. “Why would you tell me this?”
“Because I was wrong,” I answer honestly. “I thought you would be the same beta who left five years ago. I thought that the person who showed up and started pursuing me relentlessly was the man who made me fall in love with him.” I know my confession hurts him, but I don’t think our pain can get much worse at this moment, and I need to be honest. “But you’re just a stranger wearing a Kai-shaped mask. I would never fall in love with the person who returned. You’re no threat to my heart.”
Kai jerks back like my words were a physical blow as I get off my knees and back on my feet.
“They don’t look at you like a lie…” Kai whispers, and I nod.
“No, they don’t,” I agree, realizing how true it is as I say the words, watching him stare at his hands. It’s like a blindfold has been ripped away now that I’m letting myself see the truth of how everything’s changed. Still, I can’t witness any more of his pain. It’s too much. “You should leave,” I tell him, turning my back on Kai.
As I head toward the house, I see Nick. He’s standing alone on the front porch, arms folded over his chest as he watches us.I don’t look back; I just keep my eyes on the steady, strong alpha in front of me.
Whatever happens next, I know I can face it alone, but I don’t think I have to anymore.
KAI
It’s odd…This feeling.
There’s an empty void trying to consume me, all while my heart breaks. Numb, but devastated.
Half of me doesn’t even believe this moment is real, and the other half is trying to figure out how I’ll survive this. The worst part is knowing this is how I left Plum. This is what she felt when I walked away.
I spent five years replaying my decision to break up with her before leaving, and I always found an excuse to justify it. Now, as the sun sets fully and darkness consumes me, I can’t fucking think of a single reason that’s good enough anymore.
Maybe I didn’t deserve Plum back then, but she gave her heart to me anyway. She’s right. I took all of my insecurities and projected them onto her, convincing myself she would see me as unworthy. Convincing myself that the only way to become worthy was to sacrifice our love, to show her I was willing to do anything to give her the life she deserved.
Another sob escapes my chest, the world spinning until I drop my hands to the dirt and suck in air I don’t think I deserve.The irony is not lost on me. The thought that I didn’t deserve Plum because I wasn’t worthy of her as a broke beta, being the entire reason I fucking lost her.
Fuck, watching her the last few weeks has been killing me. It was hell, knowing I was the cause of her pain. That I’m the reason she hardly fucking trusts anyone. But with Benson and Nick, she was different—lighter, comfortable.
More like the girl I once knew, and less like the person I hurt.
“Fuck,” I gasp, choking on another sob. It’s hard as fuck to breathe when your airway is clogged from crying. Snot runs down my face, and I have to take my shirt off to clean myself. I must look fucking pathetic. I deserve it.
I scoff. There it is again. Thoughts of what I do and don’t deserve.
She was magnificent, though. Even as she cried, I saw her strength. Instead of hiding her pain and pretending it wasn’t there, she brought it to the light and let me see all of it. It’s something I’ll never forget.
Plum will never forgive me, but she shouldn’t have had to show me all of her scars for me to realize how badly I fucked everything up. I should’ve been smart enough to see it for myself.
I can’t go back into that house. Not tonight. I don’t even know how I’ll be able to return on Saturday for the first wedding party dinner.
I’m not surprised when my best friend’s scent hits me. He’s a stalker in the most loving way possible. I was gone too long, and he probably created some insane story in his mind…
“Thought I was going to find your dead body out here,” Val grunts. “This might be worse…” I can hear the tightness in his throat. Even to me, my scent smells like I’m dying. Acidic, like I’m eating myself from the inside out.
Maybe I am.
I can’t bring myself to speak, barely managing to turn my head, looking up at him from my hands and knees.
“Jesus, Kai,” he whispers, dropping to his knees beside me and pulling me in for a hug. It feels like being strangled by iron bars. He’s not used to showing this kind of affection. I must look as bad as I feel if he’s hugging me right now.
“That bad?” I manage to grunt through a tight throat.
“Worse,” he hisses. My best friend holds me like that for so long that my hands start to go numb, but it helps my breathing return to normal. At some point, my tears dry up. I think, after a while, your body won’t let you keep crying when it starts to do more damage than good.
My body and mind feel the way I imagine a corpse might feel if it were conscious after death. Empty. No real thoughts, no real emotions, just an all-consuming void.
