“Kai,”I snap, cutting him off. I shake my head, looking into his eyes for what feels like the first time in years.
Right now, as I stare into the brown eyes of the man I once loved, the man who made me need him, only to abandon me, I feel like I can see him. Really see him. His insecurities. His flaws.
Pieces of my heart and mind finally click back together, and it feels like the chains around my heart are breaking.
“Plum?” He grins, smirking at me, full of fake confidence. It’s all a show, I realize. A pathetic act to make me think he’s someone new. Someonehethinks is worthy of my love. Someone I don’t fucking recognize at all. Someone I don’twantto know.
“Why would I ever forgive you?” I ask him, genuinely wanting to know his answer, because I can’t think of a single fucking reason. I tilt my head, eyes locked on his face as I watch his cocky smirk fall away, leaving behind a confused frown.
“What?” he asks, like he doesn’t understand the words I just spoke.
“What indeed…” I scoff. “Well, let's see. For starters,whatcan you ever do or say to make me trust you again?” I toss the bundle of dandelions at him, hating every last one of them. Kai flinches back like I’ve slapped him. He probably spent an extravagant amount on having them shipped here from wherever the fuck he got them, considering they aren't the least bit wilted. They mean nothing to me, though. Not given like this. “Because I can tell you what won’t make me trust you.” I gesture at the pile that landed on his pristine shoes. “Extravagant gifts. We’ve already had that conversation, haven’t we?” I shake my head at him.
“Plum, wait… I thought… I mean, they’re your favorite, aren’t they? They’re not wilted like the last ones. These are better…” He frowns, bending down to pick them up, staring at the bundle like it should have all the answers.
But I’m not done. Kai wants to push me to my limit? Fine. I’m done sparing his feelings.
“Fuck the weeds, Kai. This isn’t about them. This is about you and the delusional bullshit floating around in your mind. Please, tell me, what the actual hell makes you think there'sanythingyou can do now to prove you're worthy of my love?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest as I glare at him, trying to understand what the fuck is happening in his head. “Not just me, but my love.” I shake my head as rage slowly seeps into every cell of my body.
“I can give you—” His voice breaks as his eyes slowly meet mine.
“You can give me what? More heartbreak? More tears? More endless nights spent alone as I cry myself to sleep, wondering what the fuck I did wrong to send the man I love running from me? You took your own insecurities and projected them onto me. You deemed yourself unworthy, and then in your attempt to prove yourself, you became someone I don’t even recognize,” I hiss, taking a step away from him as his scent turns into burning acid of charred cedar in the back of my throat.
Kai stands before me, the sun setting behind him, golden rays of light making him look almost angelic. For the first time in five years, I feel like myself. The real me. Not because Kai is in pain. No matter how angry I am with him, that’s something that will always make my chest ache.
No, this is something else. As I poured my anger into my words and ripped my chest open to show Kai the scars he left me with, I realized I’m not weak at all. I’m fucking strong. I never needed Benson and Nick to protect me.
I need exactly who I’ve always been.
I can save myself. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it now.
“Fuck…” Kai gasps, falling to his knees with a loud smack. His palms hit the dirt as his head hangs forward. His scent explodes with grief so overpowering that it steals my breath. Hispain is coursing through my system as the sound of his choked sobs fills the air. “Oh fuck…”
This time, I gasp, trying to separate what he’s feeling from what I feel. I fight to regain control of my instincts as Kai falls apart at my feet. The need to comfort him is a physical ache, but I hold back. I might know my strength and my worth, but I still don’t trust this man. He’s no longer the person I once loved. Now he’s the beta with his pockets so full of cash, he thinks he can buy me back.
The longer his pain suffocates me, the harder it is to remind myself of that, and eventually I end up on my knees too, only two feet away.
“Five years. I thought…” he tries to say, fighting to breathe as he lifts his head to look at me. The pain on his face is unexpected, and I feel like this is the first time I’ve seen even a glimpse of the man I once knew. “I thought that I was making up for five years, but it was just one moment in time that broke us, wasn't it?” He shakes his head, sitting back on his feet, arms hanging limp at his sides. “One moment thatIbroke us.”
I press my hand to my chest, rubbing at the pain there, my scent blooming with sympathy against my will. It seems my instincts have had enough of the beta’s pain.
“I was so caught up in my own bullshit that I didn’t see you. I didn’t hear you. I didn’t even listen.” He shakes his head, tears streaming down his cheeks as he speaks, and I nod, my own tears finally falling.
This story is ours. This pain belongs to us.
This man, on his knees, tearing his chest open, showing me his matching scars—this is the Kai I used to know, so I let him see me. See all of me, all of my pain, and every last part of the girl he left behind.
“Every day without you was hell, Plum. Every fucking second was constant pain.” His voice breaks again as he shakes hishead. “I felt like I walked away from the other half of my soul, and I hated myself for it. I wanted to quit. For the pain to stop. From the moment I walked out of that restaurant, I wanted to take back every word,” Kai cries, reaching for my hand, moving toward me until our knees touch. “But the pain of being a failure burned so deeply that I couldn’t separate the two. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I could one day make all of your dreams come true and that I could give you the life you deserved.”
“I never asked you to do that for me, Kai,” I cry, pulling my hand away from him. He falls back, hand dropping to his lap as he watches me. “I loved you as you were. For who you were and how safe you made me feel. You’re not that man anymore. Now, you’re just like any other rich asshole. Pockets full of money and a heart empty of love,” I whisper, but Kai shakes his head frantically.
"I don't want any of it without you. None of it is worth anything to me without you. None of it,” he cries, pure devastation in his eyes as he pounds his fist over his heart. “You alone are worth more to me than all the money in the world. I see it now, what I did wrong, where I fucked up.”
“You see it now, but the damage is already done,” I whisper. His eyes go wide, and he stares at me for so long that I think he’s run out of words—out of empty justifications and excuses.
“I’ve truly lost you forever,” he finally says, like the thought never occurred to him before now. “My money is worthless, and our love was the most valuable thing I had... Now I have nothing. Without you, I have nothing. Without your love, Iamnothing," he gasps, and I can’t help the tears that fall harder as a broken sort of sob breaks free from my chest. I hate those words. I hate how honest they sound, how raw. “And now your love belongs to someone else.” He looks into my eyes, searching them forsomething, when he asks, “Do they treat you well, Plum? Do they make you happy?”
His question is so sincere, so genuine, that it crushes what’s left of my rational thought. It’s like he’s begging me to say yes. To tell him I’m madly in love with two men who treat me like a princess. An unhinged laugh bubbles up, even as I cry harder.
