I guess I’m thankful for that, because on the other side of the void is nothing but pain. I thought it hurt to walk away from Plum five years ago. That moment was nothing compared to this one. That’s what I did to her.
This is what I did to Plum…
“I’m not letting you out of my sight. You’re reckless enough to do some dumb shit,” Val grumbles, helping me to my feet.
“You should go back in there. Your mate will come looking for you soon,” I say, not really caring about anything one way or the other. But I know that when the numb void wears off, I will care. And I’m already carrying more guilt than I know what to do with; I can’t take any more.
“She already did,” Stella murmurs beside Val. I didn’t even notice her. I have no idea how long she’s been out here. “We’re not leaving you, Kai.” She’s fierce for such a small woman. Bossy, for an omega.
“You have to,” I tell them honestly. “I need some time to…”decompose,I think, but I don’t tell her that part. “Disassociate.”Close enough, and also true. I don’t have a lot left to give, and if they don’t walk away now, then there won’t be any part of me remaining to care if they leave or not.
“I can’t go back in there,” I add, a twinge of panic lighting up my chest just enough to keep me from taking another step forward.
Val’s got my arm slung over his shoulders and huffs when I pull away. Plum cannot see me like this. I put her through enough. She told me to leave, so that’s what I’m going to do.
“Take my mom home,” I say, trying to get them to leave me here. I picked Bee up right before dinner, and if I just leave, she’ll be worried. However, if Plum seeing me in this state is the worst thing that can happen now, then my mother witnessing my mental breakdown is the second.
I can’t drive like this, but maybe I can walk…
“I’m staying with you, jackass.” Val shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest. The stubborn fuck.
“I’ll ask Sable to give your mom a ride home,” Stella offers, leaning into her mate. She sounds nasally, and I realize she’s breathing through her mouth to avoid my scent.
“You can’t even stand the smell of my scent, Stella,” I murmur, glancing back down to the ground, unable to meet her eyes.
“So we spray you with a scent blocker.” Val shrugs, making Stella gasp as she pokes her manicured nail into his side. “What? I’m not leaving him like this.”
“I know. But be nicer, he’s… um…” Stella trails off, and I can feel her eyes on me as she whispers to Val. “Not okay.”
I don’t hear whatever Val says to her after that. I’m not listening anymore, as all of my thoughts take me back in time. Back to a time before I ruined everything.
All I see is Plum. All I can think about is Plum.
There’s nothing left except how badly I miss her and the realization that I’m going to spend the rest of my life missing her.
In fifty years, maybe more, if I make it that long, I’ll still be missing Plum.
She’ll move on, maybe become a mother. Maybe even a grandmother one day. She’ll grow and love and change with the years and fill her life with laughter and joy, but I’ll be here.
On my knees in the dirt, watching her walk away.
Watching her leave me behind.
Chapter Fifteen
There’s a knock at the door, startling me. Thankfully, my hands are empty of any possible projectiles. As soon as I finished talking to Kai, I ran inside and headed upstairs to the guest room so I could clean up before anyone spotted me looking wrecked.
“Plum?” Sable calls through the door, and I jump, rushing over to open it. “Plum, what happened?” she asks as she pulls me into her arms. “Are you okay?” She’s frantic as she leans back, keeping her hands on my shoulders as she searches my face for answers.
“Yes. I’m okay now,” I say softly. There's no point trying to hide anything from my best friend.
“Thank fuck, because Kai isn’t. He looked like he was in pretty bad shape. Did you two have a fight or something? Stella had to ask me to give Bee a ride home because Kai can’t even drive. Val won’t let him out of his sight, either. I nearly lost my shit looking for you,” Sable explains.
“It wasn’t a fight.” I wince. “Maybe it was; I don’t know. I needed space, and he followed me outside, so I snapped. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. Is he okay?” I ask, unable to ignore my concern for the beta.
“Uh… I don’t know.” Sable is the one wincing now. “He looked lost? Like the lights are on but no one is home, kind of thing,” she explains. “Honestly? He looks like someone who just lost their mate.”
“Well, fuck,” I mutter.
