Lily leans further into her chair and away from me. It’s instinct that I see her uncomfortable and reach for her, trying to make it better.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I close my eyes and take a breath. Tensions are rising. I want to do anything but lose my cool around her. This is the hardest it’s ever been to stay levelheaded. “There’s just a lot going on right now. The whole Billie thing is throwing me off.”
“I just want you to consider talking to them, that’s all.”
I press my eyelids together tightly. The longer we talk about this, the more I question if she’s really in my corner. How could she be, if she can advocate for my siblings after everything I’ve told her?
“Are you mad at me?” She whispers. It chips away at my irritation.
“I’m frustrated.” It’s not the same thing as being mad, but the concerned lines on her face don’t fade. “You’re asking something of me, then keeping secrets when I want an explanation.”
“I’m not trying to frustrate you.” Her voice is firm, but her face twists in distaste. “I’m sorry if I’m not communicating that. This isn’t something you should be in the dark about. It’s just not-”
I grunt. “Your place. I know.”
Annoyance slips into my tone, and she notices. Liliana scoots to the edge of her chair, leaning closer to me with her arms crossed.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it to you, but I’m doing this with your best intentions at heart. What was said that night, you don’t need to hear it from me, but from siblings. I’m suggesting you talk to them about it.”
I don’twantto talk to Billie, or Locke, or anyone else with the last name McCarthy. Not if I can help it. And if whatever was said between them is so life-changing Lily thinks I should hear it, then she should tell me.
My girlfriend has always been so logical, so smart, but somehow she’s missing that point.
“I have no reason to talk to her. I barely speak to her when I’m forced into seeing them.” I’m motioning with my hands, slicing through the air like a physical representation of my thought process will make Liliana comprehend it easier. “You think that whatever she said to you, is a good enough reason to talk to her?”
“Yes.”
“Then tell me what it is.” Her head falls back and she groans. “It’s not like I’m going to tell her what you said to me.”
“I don’t think you would, but that’s not the point. I promised. And it would sound more sincere coming from them.”
Sincere?
My mind easily creates wild scenarios for what this revelation could be. That Billie discovered I’m not Keller’s real child, that she knows the secret to taking down our father, or she’s fallen in love with my girlfriend via a birthday card.
The latter being the most unbelievable, but every concept out-there in some way. None of them relying on sincerity, though.
“Saying that doesn’t make me want to talk to her.”
Liliana slumps into her chair. “Why can’t you trust me on this?”
My head snaps towards her, jaw open. The flames of irritation are gassed, flaring stronger and brighter with one question.
“It’s been, what, ten minutes? Since I told you what my father said to me that night? And you want to talk to me about trust?”
“I know. Thank you for telling me that.” The sweet tone of her voice usually calms me, especially when it’s paired with her fingers tracing over the inked words of my forearm. But the ringing in my ears drowns it out. “This is a different kind of situation, though.”
“No, it’s not.” I shoot out of the chair and move somewhere, anywhere that’s not Liliana. It’s the first time since knowing her that I actively don’t want to look at her face. “You want to talk about this thing, this issue, but only in the context that you want. It doesn’t matter that you’re my girlfriend and you’re supposed to be onmy side-
“I am on your side, Grant.” The sound of her footsteps follow me to the sitting area. “I want this because it’ll be good for you. Why can’t you believe that?”
Hastily, I plop onto the couch and continue avoiding eye contact. The taste of blood fills my mouth when I bite hard into my lip. All I’ve ever doneisbelieve in Lily. Irritation is morphing into anger now, this time solely because of her, and I hate it.
I hate more that she’s questioning me.
“Grant.” She kneels at my side, placing her hand on my knee and rubbing circles into the light-washed denim of my jeans, sighing. “What I learned that night, should be between you and your siblings. It’ll change things for that part of your life. I shouldn’t play any part in it but I’m trying to bridge that gap. I get why that frustrates you.”
My eyes roll back in my head for a split second. You would think we were on a ferris wheel with how many times we’ve been going around in circles.
