“It’s a lot. I’m not really in a place to repeat it to you.”
“What do you mean?”
Lily’s shoulders sag and she starts to mindlessly pick at her nail polish. “I promised Billie I wouldn’t. Just trust me.”
My emotions are a flurry of confusion, but under it, annoyance is starting to flare. It feels foreign like this. I’ve gotten frustrated with Lily before, maybe tired when she asks for help on her assignment after discussing it for hours, but never annoyed. Not until now.
Liliana is supposed to be on my side. Making secret promises with my half-sister goes completely against that. The growing irritation causes me to be so blunt.
“If you weren’t going to tell me, then why did you bring it up?”
She physically retracts herself from me. It hurts, but not as much as the glossed-over look in her eyes.
“Don’t give me attitude. I’m trying to help you without overstepping boundaries.”
“You’re randomly bringing up my siblings and telling me I’m unfair to them, without wanting to explain. You don’t think you’re overstepping my boundaries?”
It’s a fucked up thing to say. Liliana knows me on a deeper level than most people, and when it comes to her, it’s hard to imagine there’s any boundaries at all. I said it more to drive a point home than anything else.
She breathes out, loud and frustrated. “Please don’t start. I’m not trying to argue.”
“I’m not, either.” Contrary to the hostile tone of my voice.
“Okay, then.” It’s said firmly, yet she doesn’t sound convinced. “Listen to what I have to say. That’s all I’m asking.”
I nod, moving my textbook onto the other side of the table and giving Lily my full attention.
“Like I said, I’m not in a place to tell you exactly what Billie and I spoke about. All I can say is she really surprised me, and I think she would surprise you, too.” She breathes out and grabs onto my hand. “I think you see them a certain way based on the very few things you know about them. That’s understandable.But it might be beneficial if you gave them a chance to show you something different.”
Her shoulders raise in suggestion. It’s like she’sadvocatingfor them.
This isn’t what I wanted when we went to Keller’s. I was excited to have someone in my corner for once, to be there for me. Liliana came back with that energy for two people who I have nearly no connection to.
“Beneficial to who, exactly?”
“All of you.”
She claims to include me but I’m starting to feel more isolated. Goosebumps run across my skin in betrayal. It’s like she’s emotionally abandoning me, right when I thought I found my constant.
“Beneficial for my father?”
“He has nothing to do with this.”
He has everything to do with it. For my whole life, the most awkward parts, and the most alone I’ve ever felt, were the result of his choices. Lily is someone who I felt would be separated from that, and yet here she is advocating for people who reap the benefits Keller decided I wasn’t good enough for growing up.
“Then tell me what Billie could have possibly said to you.”
She frowns. “If you talk to her or Locke yourself, you’ll know.”
Locke’s name sends another round of annoyance through me. It’s walking a thin line, close to being out of my control. Too close.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I stretch my neck to peek into her tote bag, visually searching for her laptop. “Let’s talk about your assignment instead.”
“I don’t want to.”
“That’s a first.”
It’s not meant to be a dig. Liliana’s work is important to her, so it’s natural she asks for help. Maybe it’s a bit too constant for my liking, too many of the same questions in different structures. Always resulting in the same answer to be truly productive. At some point, I started thinking she was only asking me for my opinion because it’s the only one she thinks matters.
