So fucking nervous.
I’ve never had someone in my nest before.
When I went off suppressants a few years ago, while Clara was doing an internship in Chicago, I went into heat a few times, but I never brought someone back to my nest. I went to a heat helping clinic. I couldn’t stand the idea of someone I didn’t love in my nest.
Which is why I have no problem with Clara joining me in it today.
I’m just worried she won’t like it. What if she thinks it’s ugly or uncomfortable? What if she thinks it’s disorganized?
I don’t have an Alpha to help me build my nest. What if it’s not good enough for her? Dammit, she’s going to hate my nest, and she’ll reject me before I even get the chance to tell her how I feel, all because I am shit at building a nest.
She emerges from her room in an oversized shirt and a tiny pair of bike shorts, her hair down and her face free of the makeup she had been wearing. My anxiety spiral stops as I lose all rational thought and stare at her. I thought she was the most beautiful I’d ever seen her when she was dressed up earlier this evening, but it has nothing on the way she looks now.
“Are you ready?” I ask her, afraid she’s going to change her mind and say she’d rather watch a movie on the couch tonight.
“Yeah, I am. Are you sure you’re okay with me coming into your nest?”
Is that anxiety I hear in her voice? Why is she nervous? I know Omegas are protective of their nests, and that inviting her in carries a specific connotation, but I doubt everyone is aware of the nuances of designations like that. Is she? Is she judging me for inviting her in?
Does she know that this is my way of telling her how much I want her?
How nice it would be if she did, and I didn’t have to tell her how I feel. Everything could be so easy if she realized what this means to me.
I take her hand before I can second-guess myself and pull her into my bedroom. Our apartment isn’t huge by any means, but it has a dedicated nesting area. That was the one thing I wouldn’t budge on, but there aren’t many rentals in Copper Hill, so I had to give in on other stuff, like a walk-in closet.
Sliding open the pocket door next to my bed, I take a deep breath and step in, pulling her behind me. I try to see my nest through her eyes. Big lights are a crime against nature, so warm amber Edison bulbs string across the low ceiling, and the entire floor of the small room is a mattress.
The room itself is almost double the size of a walk-in closet, roughly the size of a king bed and a twin bed combined. I covered the mattress with stormy grey Egyptian cotton sheets, then arranged navy blue and olive green blankets, made from various materials, carefully around the room.
I don’t have a ton of extras. Honestly, it’s hard to shop for a nest without an Alpha. Omegas are hard-wired to seek an Alpha’s approval, and our nests are almost as important to them as they are to us. Typically, it’s not an issue until you’ve met your scent match or bonded, but every time I’ve tried shopping for it over the past few years, I’ve struggled.
My nest is cozy, and I spend as much time in here as I can.I love the color scheme. The way it all melds together. Well, except for my pillow.
My pillow is bright yellow, and only bright yellow because -
“Is that my shirt?” Clara asks, peering over my shoulder. “I was wondering where that ended up!”
Oh shit.
What do I say? How do I explain away the fact that I stole the shirt out of her dirty laundry basket in a moment of Omega insanity and have cuddled it every night since?
How do I tell her that I need to feel close to her, or I can’t sleep?
“Yeah, sorry, I … I saw it and wanted it. Is that okay?” I can’t look at her. She’s going to think I’m a freak. Betas don’t always understand the urges that Omegas go through, and I’ve hidden a lot of mine from Clara over the years.
The media romanticizes being an Omega, but there are parts of it that aren’t as fun. Feeling like I’m ceding control to another entity in my body is the worst of it. While on suppressants, my Omega hindbrain is quieter, but it’s always there, and sometimes it demands I steal clothing from the Beta we’re in love with.
Yeah, I’m going to blame it on my Omega nature and not the fact that part of me is convinced she’s ours.
She squeezes my hand and moves around me, pulling me into the nest from where I stood frozen in the doorway.
“Yeah, Felix, that’s okay.”
THIRTEEN
SIX DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS
Be cool,Clara. Be cool.
