I can’t read into things. He could have taken my shirt for any number of reasons. Omegas are funny that way.
It doesn’t mean that he wants to be with me. I bet he needed something of that fabric in his nest. It’s a very soft shirt. It couldn’t possibly be because he feels for me the way I do for him.
It’s probably a familial love. That’s got to be it. His Omega sees me like his sister, like pack.
I can tell myself not to read into it as much as I want, but my stupid little heart is trying to run away with the possibility of what this could mean, and my need for him is so acute it makes my chest ache.
We stand there in silence for a moment before he sinks into the plush, oversized mattress. I follow him awkwardly, sitting beside him, with my knees pulled to my chest, dying to close the distance between us but determined not to.
I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.
Felix snatches the pillow with my shirt on it and hugs itclose. If I weren’t a Beta, I suspect that I’d be purring in satisfaction seeing him like this.
“What do you want to watch?” he asks after a moment. “I have one of those cheesy Christmas movies on my watchlist.”
I love those movies. Knowing how it’s going to work out, no matter how stupid the characters are being, is comforting. Sometimes, you want to sit down with the entertainment equivalent of a cup of hot cocoa and shut your brain off.
Felix props the tablet up with a couple of pillows and then snuggles deeper into the nest. I can’t take my eyes off him. It’s so hard to see him like this, here in his element, knowing that one day, this won’t be possible for us anymore. He’ll meet an Alpha who won’t want me around.
Unless it’s Gabriel.
I haven’t given myself the time to process what happened tonight. I have a scent match, and it’s the Alpha that the man I am in love with has been pining over. For a moment, I let myself imagine what it would be like to be with both of them.
Maybe the draw they have to one another is because they are scent matches as well, and their hindbrains have noticed and are trying to pull them together.
And if they’re scent matches, then wouldn’t that mean Felix is mine, too? Isn’t that what Sylvia said?
I look over at my roommate, my best friend, and catalog the way his light brown curls fall in his eyes. The slope of his nose. The purse of his light pink lips.
I want to be with him all the time. The love I felt for him was tolerable when we were apart, but since I moved in with him, things have changed. Every moment in his presence is a gift that I will have to return one day, and that leaves me with a hurt I’ll never shake.
I need to enjoy it while it lasts, but it’s so hard when every single piece of me is screaming that he’s mine.
He’s using my shirt as his pillowcase!
Am I delusional for thinking that means he feels the way I do?
A soft whine has my eyes snapping to Felix, who is staring at me, not the movie. He opens and closes his mouth several times before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
“Could you hold me?” His voice is soft, vulnerable. “It … It doesn’t have to mean anything. I just need to be held.”
My poor sweet boy. Omegas are tactile, needing loads of affection and attention, and he’s single. When was the last time someone held Felix properly?
I scoot down and stretch out on the plush surface, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him toward me. Immediately, he curls his body into mine, chin on my shoulder, our legs tangling together.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” I repeat quietly.
“No, it doesn’t.” His voice is barely audible over the jingling of Christmas music from the movie.
I do my best to pay attention to the Beta who’s pining after his Alpha best friend, who moved to the picturesque small town to avoid the rat race of the big city. The Beta doesn’t realize how much the Alpha cares for him, and the Alpha is oblivious to the Beta’s affections.
They’re making Christmas cookies together for the community bake-off, and the Alpha has flour on his nose. The Beta looks seconds away from kissing it off, but he can’t get up the nerve.
Another soft whine escapes Felix, and I pull him tighter against me, stroking my hand down his head. His weight on my chest is incredible, something I will remember for as long as I live.
I realize this could be the only time I hold him, and I fantasize, for a split second, about this happening every night.
That this could be my forever.
