“Socially?” Ben tilted his head to the side like it was an ignorant question, and Thomas supposed that it might have been.
“I’m not scared of it,” Thomas said. “We already agreed that even if things were casual between us, they would be exclusive. I went and got tested this week, and…”
“You did?” Ben interrupted.
“Of course. It was what we talked about before you disappeared.”
“I didn’t disappear.”
Thomas rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest.
“Fine,” Ben conceded. “I did disappear.”
“I’m negative.” Thomas waved his hand flippantly. “But apparently that doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It matters,” Ben whispered. “It matters that you went even though…”
“Did you?”
Ben nodded.
“All for nothing, then?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Ben replied softly.
“I want you to make sense.” Thomas tapped his temple with the tip of his pointer finger. “You like me, you like being with me, you went and got tested so I could come inside of you—but now that I know about all of this, you don’t want it anymore?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“You know what?” Thomas stepped away, growing more frustrated with every word out of Ben’s mouth. “I like you, I like being with you, I got tested soIcould come inside of you because those were things we’d talked about and agreed on, but this isn’t it for me. I am too old for games like this.”
“I’m not trying to play games!” Ben surged toward him, wrapping his fingers around Thomas’s arms and backing him against the wall. He was close again, so close. As close as he’d been the last night the two of them had spent together when Thomas had wanted more than anything to kiss him.
“I’m too old to not be honest with myself and the people around me,” he said.
“So does your ex-wife know you’ve been sleeping with a man? Your kids?”
“It’s not their business. If I was seeing a woman, I wouldn’t tell them that either.”
Ben exhaled and pressed his forehead against Thomas’s. Thomas allowed himself to reach forward, gently sliding his hands around Ben’s slim waist. He felt the firm lines and muscles beneath the soft fabric of his t-shirt, and he wanted more. He rucked it up just enough to get contact with Ben’s warm and smooth skin. At the first touch, Ben sucked in a breath and groaned like he was in pain.
It wasn’t anyone’s business who he took to bed or who he jacked off to. Thomas knew that if things progressed with Ben, there would come a day when Jennifer, Dakota, and Kenzie would eventually find out, but it was so far down on the list of concerns he hadn’t paid it any mind. Their reactions surely wouldn’t be enough for him to change his mind or alter course.
“Am I sending you mixed signals?” Ben asked, sounding confused and defeated.
Thomas tightened his grip on Ben’s waist. “A bit.”
“I don’t want to settle,” Ben said. “I wasn’t looking for a relationship after my last one and you deserve better than me just sliding into the comfort of being with you.”
“Isn’t that the point?”
Ben continued, uninterrupted, “And you deserve the certainty of knowing who and what you want.”
“You think I don’t know my own mind?” he asked again.
Ben dragged his hands up Thomas’s arms, his shoulders, his neck, until he reached Thomas’s face and traced his fingertips across his cheekbones. The touch sent a shiver through his entire body and he closed his eyes, relishing the emotions Ben brought out in him. Thomas felt powerful and handsome. He felt capable and desired. They were all heady feelings and he wanted more of them.
“I know you do,” Ben said softly.
