“He threw me the fuck out, Athena!” He glowered at his sister.
“People fight, Adonis. It’s a fact of life, not the end of the world.” She shook her arm free and walked inside. Gabriel inclined his head toward the door and Joel dutifully trailed along. Donny remained outside.
Gallery 17 was a small space just off Abbott-Kinney with large glass windows in front and tons of lights inside that illuminated the people milling around and fawning over Roland’s art. Donny’s heart felt happy that there were so many people here. He hoped Roland would finally see what everyone else saw when they looked at his work.
He looked down at the ground and was knocked off balance when a large group pushed past him. There were nearly eight people in the group and they took up the entire sidewalk. Mostly men, and a few women, they were jovial and loud. Donny heard one voice louder than the rest, “Hey, wait.” No one waited, and one man fell behind from the pack. He stood a couple feet in front of Donny, facing the gallery. He offered a quick glance back toward his friends, then shook his head and went inside.
Donny sympathized. That’s exactly how he’d felt the first time Roland showed him the sunrises. Like the colors in front of you were a gift, and you just needed to stop and appreciate them for as long as you could.
He took a deep breath and a one step closer to the door, then stopped. The past week had been hard. The hardest. No matter what he did, he wasn’t able to escape the hollow feeling that had taken up residence inside his chest. He hadn’t eaten anything besides what Athena brought over for him, and he’d even been tempted to drink some of Gabriel’s whiskey on the one day she’d forced him out of the house.
Pete was equally despondent— back to being ignored by Jack and Jill. Donny felt awful for taking him when Roland threw him out, but he’d been acting so volatile, and Donny wantedeveryoneto be safe and happy. At Donny’s, he and Pete were safe, but neither of them was happy.
He saw a flash of red hair inside the gallery and recognized his sister and Joel as they walked across the space. He tracked them with his eyes until they reached their destination which was, of course, Roland. Athena wrapped him up tightly in her arms and he returned her hug with equal intensity, shifting his drink from one hand to another so he could squeeze her shoulders. In their time together, Roland had been receptive to Donny’s affection but was rarely atoucherhimself.
Roland set his drink down and grasped Athena’s biceps then stepped back, smiling at her, before he extended his hand to shake Joel’s and then offer a hug to Gabriel. The two men exchanged words, and Gabriel nodded and smiled. Then Roland laughed and smiled.
If Donny had eaten anything today, he would have thrown it up all over his shoes right there on the sidewalk. The sight of Roland laughing would always be the most beautiful thing Donny had ever seen. The sight of Roland laughing when Donny was outside feeling like his heart had been removed from his body, though, that was the most excruciating feeling he’d ever known.
Athena turned her head to the side while Roland and Gabriel were talking and she caught Donny’s eye and tilted her head toward the inside of the gallery. He shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets.
He shouldn’t have come. Seeing Roland was too painful.
Athena jabbed a finger in the air toward Donny, then jabbed it toward the ground at her feet. She gave him a look he was familiar with, and with no interest in making a scene, he swallowed his heartbreak and walked inside. Athena backtracked to the door when she saw him make a move, and thankfully met him under the threshold of the gallery.
“It’s okay, Donny,” she cooed at him in the same voice she used with the cats.
“He looks—” He stopped himself. He couldn’t force out the words.
Better.
Happy.
Healthy.
Less than twenty feet away, Roland looked like a brand new version of himself. A version of himself that was doing far better now than he was when Donny had been around. Even if they were to reconcile in the future, how could Donny even allow it, seeing how much stronger Roland was on his own?
Gabriel materialized and slid a glass into Donny’s hand. He glanced down at it, then back up at Gabriel.
“It’s not booze. Just ginger ale. You look like you’re going to vomit on everything here.”
“I might,” Donny forced out, trying to muster a self-deprecating chuckle, but failing.
“Gabriel!” Joel walked up to them and wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s waist. “Are you serious about buying the sunrise paintings, baby?”
“If you like them, they’re yours,” Gabriel mused, pressing a kiss against Joel’s temple.
“I do. But you guys really need to see the two paintings in the back!” Joel gestured over his shoulder toward the rear of the gallery. “Theenie, come with us.” He tugged on Athena’s skirt.
“May I join you?” Gabriel asked.
“You never need an invitation.” Joel smiled up at his boyfriend then turned and walked off with Athena. Gabriel lightly tapped the bottom of the glass, pushing it towards Donny’s mouth before he followed his boyfriend.
Donny raised the glass and took a small sip. His throat was dry and the bubbles almost tickled as he swallowed. He was alone now, and he chewed his lip between his teeth, trying to look anywhere but his right. He knew Roland was over there. Besides that being the last place he’d seen him, he could feel Roland’s eyes on him.
Donny’s heart rate accelerated and he took another quick sip of the ginger ale.What are you so afraid of?He’s better without you, so you’re going to have to be better without him. What did you think would happen? That he’d spiral down to a deeper rock-bottom after you went away?His brain scoffed at him.Don’t give yourself so much credit, kid.
His eyes burned with unshed tears and he blinked them back, taking another drink.You can do this. He prepped himself, closed his eyes, then turned his head to the right. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes when the weight of Roland’s stare felt like it would crush him.
