Roland smiled tentatively when he made eye contact with Donny. It wasn’t the kind of smile he’d given Athena and Gabriel earlier, but it wasn’t insincere. Donny rubbed his breastbone to make sure it hadn’t actually split apart. When he didn’t return the smile, Roland’s faltered, his eyes darting down Donny’s frame, taking in every part of his body. Roland’s face scrunched up in confusion, then flashed with regret before he resumed eye contact.
Donny didn’t move, didn’t falter. He was surprised he hadn’t shattered the glass he was holding considering how tightly he was gripping it. Roland opened his mouth and took a step forward. Donny stayed rooted to the spot, his adrenaline spiking. He shook his head no, but Roland took another step forward anyway.
It was one thing to be here, to see Roland so much better off without him, but Donny couldn’t hear the words. He couldn’t bear to have confirmation of Roland’s well being, and he hated himself for that. Of course he wanted Roland happy and healthy. But he wanted Roland happy, and healthy, and inhislife.
Roland dared another step closer anyway, and another, but before he could close the distance, he was intercepted by a gallery-goer.
“Roland?” Donny heard the voice, and it echoed in his head, matching up to the person he’d seen outside. He assessed the stranger, with his gray slacks and his black button-down shirt. Who fucking dressed like that on a weekend? He was even more overdressed than Roland who was wearing dark jeans and a simple white v-neck shirt.
He’d cut his hair.
Donny noticed as Roland’s head snapped around to look at the stranger, his hair barely to his shoulders now. It waved and was still an unbearably beautiful brown that had haunted Donny’s every waking moment for the past week.
“C-Cody?”
Roland was close enough that Donny could hear the tremor in his voice, and the name echoed so loudly in his ears it was as though everyone else in the gallery had gone silent. Donny swallowed thickly as the stranger, Cody, stepped closer to Roland.
This was the infamous Cody. Donny closed his eyes and was met with the memory of Roland’s face when he’d told Donnyhe left me, instead of admitting whether Cody had been his boyfriend or not. But Donny could see it clearly now. Cody had definitely been a boyfriend, if not more than a boyfriend. He displayed a level of familiarity with Roland that reinforced the intensity of the roiling hurt inside Donny’s gut.
“What are you doing here?” That was Roland again.
“I was walking by with some friends and I saw your paintings.” Cody gestured to the sunrises hanging behind them.
“How did you know they were mine?” Roland’s voice had dropped, but Donny could still hear him clearly. Donny wanted to leave, was desperate to not overhear this conversation, it wasn’t for him, but his feet wouldn’t cooperate, and he was too old to clamp his hands over his ears and scream to drown out the noises around him.
Cody lifted his hand and pressed it gently against Roland’s chest in a move that reeked of familiarity. “I’d recognize your art anywhere, Rolly.”
Rolly?
Donny was actually going to be sick.
“Please don’t call me that.” Roland’s voice was laced with hurt and he stepped back, leaving Cody’s hand to fall down to his side.
“Roland,” Cody started, but Roland cut him off.
“What did you mean to accomplish by coming in here, Cody?” Roland’s mood had shifted and now leaned toward agitated. Donny recognized the signs, why didn’t Cody?
“You haven’t had a showing in years,” Cody offered.
Roland’s jaw clenched. “That’s not an answer.” He brought his hands together in front of him and started drumming the fingers of his right hand across the outside edge of his left hand.
Cody ran a hand through his hair and looked down at the ground. “We didn’t leave things in a good spot, did we?”
“We didn’t leave things in any way, Cody, you’re the one who left. You left everything.”
Donny felt the acute pain of every word that left Roland’s mouth like a knife in his own heart. Roland raised a hand and Donny thought he was scratching his eyebrow, but Roland was tapping at the inside of his eyebrow with his first two fingers. He moved to rest his hand on his temple, but Donny watched the tapping continue.
“That’s not fair, Roland.” Cody took a step in to bridge the distance Roland had put between them.
“You’re right. It wasn’t fair, back then, to either of us. I get it now.” Roland dropped his hands and dared a glance across the gallery to Donny. “It wasn’t right for me to be involved with you, or to expect you to want to be with me. I was a mess. I get it now.”
“You’re not the only one who has faults.”
“That’s true.” Roland glanced up at Cody and briefly smirked, before the smile fell from his face.
“You look real good, Roland. Healthy. Happy.” Cody cupped the back of his neck with his hand and scratched at his hairline. Roland tapped his first two fingers against his chin, looking at Cody from the side of his eye. “Are you? Are you taking care of yourself?”
Donny stepped to the side, searching out a table. He couldn’t keep watching the interaction between Roland and Cody, it seemed too intimate, too familiar. He set the glass down harder than he’d intended, but he was shaking and didn’t trust himself to not drop it.
