Noises in the kitchen drew his attention, and he recognized the smell of bacon and coffee. Ever the obedient servant, he followed his nose out of the bedroom.
In the kitchen, he found Athena behind the stove, wearing knee-length yoga pants and a loose tank top, her red hair piled high on top of her head, not a bit of makeup on her face. She took a swallow of coffee from her oversized mug and turned at the sound of Joel's footsteps on the tiles.
“How are you feeling today?” she asked him, eyeing him tentatively over the rim of her mug.
He slumped down into a chair at her small dining table and graciously accepted the coffee she put down in front of him.
“I’m alive.”
“Obviously.” Athena returned with a plate of bacon, and… another plate of bacon. This was one of the most Athena things Joel could ever remember seeing and the comfort of it inspired him to burst into tears all over again. As he opened his mouth to suck in a gasp of much-needed air, he nearly choked as Athena shoved a slice of bacon between his teeth. “You need to calm down and eat something before you implode.”
Joel grimaced, ripped off a bite with his teeth, and then set the remainder of the strip on the plate in front of him.
“Are you ready to talk?” Athena asked him softly, flicking a bacon crumb off his lip with her fingernail. “From the beginning, okay?”
Joel nodded, bracing his shoulders back, trying to find the bravery he needed to rehash the events of last night.
“I guess you can start with the fact we slept together.” He paused, searching Athena’s face, which remained surprisingly stoic considering what he’d told her. “And then afterward, I realized he had my clothes in his closet.” Joel plucked his shirt off his chest with two fingers before letting the fabric fall back against his skin. “I confronted Gabriel about it and he told me he’d been following me. That he’d seen me when I was at my grandma's after I graduated. Somehow he pulled strings, I have no idea how, honestly, and he admitted that he was behind the flood in my apartment.” Joel paused to eat some more bacon and let Athena process what he’d shared.
“How on earth did he flood your apartment?”
“I don't… to be honest, I didn’t even ask. You should’ve seen his face, Theenie. When he realized I found out what he had been doing, it looked like his entire world had shattered. And I believed him then. Everything he said, about why he did it, I believed it and it made me feel sowarm.” Joel clutched his chest. “It felt like I was home, and I was there with him and it wasn’t scary. I felt so safe, and more loved than I have in years. So I told him it was okay, I told him I wanted to be his.”
Joel watched Athena’s face closely and tried to decipher meaning behind the tics of her jaw and the twitch of her lower left eye as she squinted at him. She recognized his silence and offered a small nod, encouraging him to go on. She showed no judgment on her face for Joel or his feelings toward Gabriel. It warmed a sliver of the ice that had been inside his chest since Gabriel betrayed him, and Joel pushed on with his story.
“And then he took me to bed again, and oh my God, Theenie, it was unbelievable. We fell asleep holding hands, I told him I loved him.” Joel stopped, choking on the last three words as they tumbled from his lips. “When I woke up, I found him at the front door and my mom and Thomas were there.”
Athena held up a hand to stop him. “That’s a good breaking point, Baby J. Eat some more bacon.” At her own instruction, she picked up a slice and chewed it thoughtfully, then another and another, while Joel did the same. When an arbitrary amount of fatty pig had been consumed, she swallowed down some more coffee and gestured for him to continue.
“Thomas said Gabriel was his brother.” Joel's grip on the coffee mug tightened.
“You said that last night. And even in the light of a new day, my thoughts on that non-relation are the same. Tell me about what your mom said, though.” Athena continued to eat more bacon.
“I don't know for sure. She said something about trying to get money from Gabriel to fix me. Thomas said he didn't want Gabriel's money.” Joel stopped when Athena gestured down to the plate, so he took another bite before continuing. “Before they showed up, and even right when they were in the doorway, Gabriel told me he hadn’t told me everything. I assumed he meant the stalking stuff, not the uncle stuff.”
“You know what happens when you assume, you make an asshole out of yourself, Joel.” Somehow, Athena had eaten all her bacon. She stacked Joel's full plate on top of her empty one and took another slice.
“Either way, being family is a deal breaker, isn't it? I even told him how I didn't talk to my family, and how badly I wanted to have a family and he was selfish, Athena, so selfish because he could have been my family!” The more Joel thought about it, the angrier he got. His entire body was a live wire, vibrating and about to snap from the tension. The feeling came on so strong it threatened to overwhelm him.
“Am I your family? Do you consider me family?” Athena asked softly, like Joel was a skittish wild animal.
“Of course you are!” Joel shouted at her. “You love me, and you take care of me and you look out for me when I need it. I fucking love you, you idiot.” His chest heaved with the exertion, still sore and tired from the night before.
Athena looked at him, head cocked to the side, waiting. Joel mirrored her stance in a mocking manner, before what he said clicked into place.
“And Gabriel loves you, and wants to take care of you, and look out for you too.” She reached for another piece of bacon, leaning forward and tapping Joel on the forehead with it.
“It's not the same,” Joel said, trying to convince both himself and her. He shoved the bacon plates forward, banging his head down onto the table.
Athena wiped her greasy hand down her leg and reached forward to finger Joel's hair between her nails.
“Joel, listen. There's no denying what he did was shitty, and a lot creepy, and maybe a smidge romantic, but mostly creepy.” Athena rubbed his scalp and he tried to shake her hand free but she refused.
“You hide, Joel. You have shit parents, and no real friends, and you hide. Behind your music, behind your books, behind this hair. But Gabriel sawyou, and I could see it at dinner. I could hear it in your voice when you talked about him. All you want isn't family, Baby J, you want someone whosees youand loves you.” Athena tugged a handful of his hair, causing Joel to look up at her with one eye.
“Can I use your shower, Athena? I have to work today,” Joel said, changing the subject, and Athena raised an eyebrow at him.
“You know you can, but don’t try to pretend you didn’t hear what I said to you. I love you, as much as, or sometimes more than, I love Donny, but more than that, Gabriel loves you, too. He loves you more than I ever could.” Athena's voice was soft and reflective, and it made Joel's insides clench. He shoved the chair back, standing and stepping back from the table.
