Not since Austin.
Not since he let me collapse in his arms and sob like a child over losing my family. Not since he held my hand under the table while Damien—younger then, with kind eyes—went over the details of my parents’ estate. Not since his shoulder collected all the tears I shed at the gravesite as I watched them both be lowered into the ground.
If only I knew then what I know now, I would have come home with Austin when he asked me to. I wouldn’t have stayed in Ohio. If I had left with Austin back then, I don’t know what would have happened to me. I don’t know what would have become of my life.
But I can say with almost certainty that I wouldn’t have skin tainted with hatred and a heart bruised and battered with broken trust. I wouldn’t flinch at raised voices, broken plates, or even the most careful hands. I wouldn’t have the memory of dried cum clinging to my body from sex I still can’t remember, forced on me by a man I thought loved me.
I wouldn’t be so afraid. Of shadows and the dark and the wind in the trees.
I wouldn’t be broken.
“Are you okay?” Austin asks softly, his hand settling on my thigh.
I blink back to reality, my mug cooling in my hands, still mostlyfull. “I think so.”
Austin carefully works the mug out of my hands, setting it down on the table. “Come here.”
I look up at him in confusion, shifting closer when he pats his thighs. Taking the offer for what it is, I swing my leg over his lap, straddling him, and let myself melt into him.
His hands grip my hips, holding me in place before he wraps his arms around me and tugs me in closer. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I should have come home with you.”
He’s quiet for a beat. “Youarehome with me.”
Tears well up in my eyes. “No. I mean, back then.” I swallow hard, nearly choking on grief. “When my parents died.”
“There’s nothing we can do to change the past, Luc.”
I know that. Of course I do. “I went through so much. For what? He broke me, Austin, and what’s worse—I let him. He fucking broke me, and I let him.”
I try to fight back a sob, burying my face deeper in Austin’s neck.
“He didn’t break you. You’re not broken.”
He did, though. “He destroyed all the good things about me, Austin.” I sit back so I can look him in the eyes. “All the things about me that are good and worthy are gone. Because of him.”
Austin opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “He did, Austin. He took my happiness. He took my creativity. He took my soul and crushed it. He ruined me. For other people, but also for myself. He fucking… He ruined me.”
I nearly jerk away when warm hands settle on my face. Austin’s grip is firm, his fingers holding me like I’m precious, but I’m not. I’m damaged and tainted and worthless.
“You arenotruined.” I open my mouth to disagree, but Austinshuts me down with a stern look. “You’re not. You’re fierce and strong and capable, and yeah, maybe a little hurt and bruised. But you are far from ruined. Far from broken.”
“I don’t believe you,” I whisper.
Austin pulls me forward, then presses his forehead to mine. “You don’t have to believe me for it to be true. The truth isn’t dependent on your belief, Luca.”
I suck in a shuddering breath at his words. It shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks about me, but it does. It matters what Austin thinks. It always has.
All I know is that Austin is warmth and safety and kindness and joy, and he always has been. And right now, he’s the only thing keeping me afloat. The only thing keeping me from drowning. From sinking down, down, down, into the cold abyss, so I don’t even think. Don’t even consider the ramifications of what I’m about to do.
I lean forward and press my lips to his.
For a second, Austin is still, but then his hands tighten on my face, and his lips part under mine. It’s slow and sweet and perfect, and my heart is fluttering in my throat, and my hands are shaking.
I move closer, needing more. More contact. More touch. More. Just more. Austin lets out a breath, his grip turning almost possessive as he tilts my head and deepens the kiss, his tongue teasing my bottom lip and making me whimper against his mouth.
Heat blooms in my heart as Austin slides his tongue past my lips, tangling it with my own. I’m lost. Lost in a world where nothing matters but the feel of him, the taste of his lips, and the safety of his arms.
