But then he stills, dragging in a slow, deep breath through his nose before pulling away. I already know what’s coming. Sure,Austin knows me, but I also know him, and I know that look on his face.
“We can’t, Luca.” His voice is shaking, but from what, I don’t know.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, cold shame rushing in to douse the warmth that bloomed from his kiss. “I—I just… I shouldn’t have—”
“God,” he murmurs, cutting me off. His thumbs brush my cheeks, then he’s toying with my hair, moving it off my face, tracing my eyebrow, my ear, and my bottom lip. His eyes are all over, taking me at rapid speed. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted that so much. God, I wanted that so much. But we can’t. Not like this.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper, embarrassed and confused.
He runs his thumb along my jaw softly. “I don’t want you to have any regrets, Luc. Never. Fuck, my heart wouldn’t survive you regretting this.”
“I could never regret you,” I choke out, tears welling up and spilling over before I can force them back.
Sadness flashes in Austin’s eyes. “And I could never regret you. But not right now, okay? Not like this. Not when you need comfort and not when you’re in so much pain.”
“But…” I trail off, trying to come up with a way to counteract that, to fight against it. “I just wanted—”
“I know,” Austin says softly. “But right now, I just want to comfort you. That’s what you need. That’s whatIneed. I’m not rejecting you. This is notno. This isnot right now.”
I nod slowly. “Okay.”
Austin sags in relief, his eyes going soft. “Come here, baby.”
He’s right. Thisiswhat I need. To feel safe and protected with no conditions and no expectations. My heart nearly pounds its wayout of my chest as I lean into him and collapse against his chest. His arms surround me, holding me tightly, and he strokes my hair.
Chapter 20
Austin
ThetasteofLuca’stongue is still on mine, the echo of his soft whimpers still ringing in my ears.
Holy fuck, that was so damn hard to stop.
I run my fingers through his hair almost absently, keeping his body close to mine. “Are you okay?” I whisper, trying not to disturb the peace of the moment.
“Perfect,” Luca sighs, snuggling deeper into me. My heart beats a frantic rhythm in my chest, warmth radiating from it and into my limbs.God.
“Thank you for trusting me.”
Luca sits back, pinning me with gorgeous gray eyes. I’ve always loved his eyes, even when we were kids. I’d never seenanother person with eyes like his before. “It’s easy to trust you, Austin. You’re the steadiest thing in my life.”
And that’s what scares me. Terrifies me, actually.
I’m safety to Luca, and God, am I glad I can be, but he’s so much more than that to me. I didn’t want our kiss to end. I wanted to kiss him forever. I didn’t want to stop at all. Not until I had covered every inch of his skin in me, erased the memory of anyone else. Removed the harsh touches of before.
When he left, I was heartbroken. I missed him something awful. And sure, I’m friends with Jasper, but it was never like it was with Luca. It would be easy to say it was the lens of youth, the nostalgia, but even now, it’s not the same with anyone else but him. “You’re my best friend, you know that?” I ask softly.
“You’re mine too.” Luca’s lips turn up in a soft smile. “Are you okay?”
I nod slowly, swallowing against the lump in my throat.
Luca searches my face, lingering on my eyes for a beat. “Is that all I am to you?”
“What do you mean?”
Warm fingers settle on my jaw, dragging over the stubble there and making me shiver. “Your best friend,” Luca murmurs, eyes fixed on my mouth. “Is that all I am?”
“No.” The word is out of my mouth before I can think better of it. Not that I think a better brain-to-mouth filter would change anything. I’ve never lied to Luca, and I’m not about to start now. Our friendship has survived plenty over the years, and even if Luca doesn’t return my feelings, it won’t change anything for me.
