I can talk to Jasper later. For now, I want to get Luca out of here. I need to.
He whimpers in fear with every single step I take, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s imagining someone else’s arms around him, if he’s picturing someone else carrying him off.
“Still me, Luc. Still Austin.” His body relaxes the slightest bit, so I keep talking. “I’m gonna take you home, and we’re gonna strip down and climb in bed. Does that sound good?” I’m not expecting an answer, so I don’t even wait for one. I just keep talking in a desperate attempt to ground him. “I’ll wrap you up just like this. Keep you safe and sound.”
His exhaled breath tickles my skin, but he seems to be calming down, which is really all I can hope for.
When I make it out the doors and to my truck, I try to put him down so I can open the door, but he tightens his grip, a fresh series of whimpers spilling from his throat.
I change course, letting go of him with one arm to fish my keys out of my pocket and unlock the doors. It takes some maneuvering, but I get the back door open and climb up with him still clinging to me.
By the time I’ve gotten us settled, his entire weight is slumped against me, his thighs pressed tightly to my hips on either side of me, his face still hidden.
I don’t think I have words to help him, so I run a hand up his back and into his hair, letting my fingertips play in the slightly damp strands.
“There was this one time,” I whisper, swallowing hard. “We had gone to the fair parade. Do you remember? It was so fucking hot, and you were getting over that flu. I swear you had a fever for days, but you didn’t want to miss it.”
I close my eyes. “On the way home, you started feeling bad again. You fell asleep on me in the car. I couldfeelthe fever. I still don’t know how I managed not to get sick.”
Luca’s breaths are starting to even out, so I keep going. “We didn’t know it at the time, but it was right before you guys moved.I—” My throat closes up. “I was so upset that day, Luc. The day you left. I didn’t want you to leave.” I pause, taking a breath. “This probably isn’t the best thing to be talking about right now, huh?”
I sigh, stroking Luca’s head a few times. “It’s just… The world didn’t seem right without you, Luc. I put on a brave face for our video calls, but I was lost without you. You belong here. With…” I let my voice die off before I say something stupid—something likeyou belong here with me.
I have no idea how much time has passed when Luca sniffles, letting out a little sigh. “You okay?” I ask softly.
“Did you mean it?” he whispers.
“Mean what?” I whisper back.
“That we could go home and you’d hold me?”
My heart kicks hard against my rib cage. “Yes. I meant it. Are you ready to go now?”
He nods, sitting up in my lap and wiping at his eyes. For a second, it looks like he’s gonna be embarrassed, but instead, all the fight and emotion seem to leave him, and his face goes blank.
Without a word, he moves out of my lap and pushes the door open, then climbs down from the back seat and into the front. I watch him in stunned silence for a second. His gaze is fixed on something in front of us when he whispers, “I’m ready,” in a shaky voice.
On the drive home, I can’t stop myself from stealing glances at him. There are a lot of things I don’t know about what he’s going through, but I knowhim.I know how to make him feel better. I know what brings him comfort when he’s sick and what makes him smile when he’s sad. I know that if I say the name Jerry, he’ll laugh his head off over the squirrel—Jerry—that lived in his backyard when we were kids; it wasn’t afraid of humans and would climb ourlegs the second we stepped outside, much to my dismay.
I know that right now, he’s hurting. And he’s afraid. And he’s gone through something terrible. Something no one should ever have to endure.
I also know that he’s the most important person in my entire world, and there isn’t a limit to how far I’ll go to protect him and help him heal.
When we get home, Luca climbs wordlessly from the truck, his steps heavy as he walks to the front door. He waits for me to go in, and I place my hand on the small of his back. He kicks his shoes off and goes straight to the bedroom.
After taking off my boots and locking the door behind me, I join him, surprised to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes downcast.
I stand in the doorway for a second, not sure what I should be doing. I want to give him what he needs, though. “Do you still want me to hold you?”
At the end of the day, his needs are my wants, but I can’t deny that deep down, the most selfish parts of me are silently hoping the answer is yes. That I’ll get to have in my arms again. God, I fucking live for that these days.
“Yeah,” he whispers, lifting his head to look at me. “Can you undress me?” My heart flies into my throat. “Everything just feels heavy. It’s okay if it’s too weird.”
I’m in front of him in a heartbeat, kneeling at his feet. I drag his socks off one by one, then stand and help him to his feet. I grip the hem of his shirt, my throat pulsing with the rapid beat of my heart. “You sure?”
All I get is a nod, but it’s fine. This isn’t about me, my attraction, or how gorgeous Luca looks.
This is about him. About making him feel safe, so I work his shirt over his head, then push his shorts down. I don’t let my eyes stray, and as soon as he’s down to his boxers, I usher him into the bed and under the blankets.
