‘Did you?’
‘No such luck, but she wrote her number on the back of my hand. The following morning, I had a shower and you can work out the rest. I was inconsolable. How could I track her down now?’ he says, enjoying replaying the drama. ‘I was actually seeing someone else, but I was so in love with Sophie that I’d forgotten.’
‘Angus! How can you forget? Lunch with me, maybe, but—’
‘I told you, my head’s only half screwed on. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I found out Soph’s number and we started dating, and after seven years, and a lot of hints, finally I tripped up on the way home from a pub, was down on one knee, and Sophie said “yes”.’
‘You proposed by mistake?’
‘No. Well yes, but I would have done it anyway.’
‘Angus!’ He isunreal. ‘Did you come clean?’
He nods. ‘The night before we married, good timing I know, but she laughed and said she’d seen me trip but was determined to grab the opportunity because I’d have happily coasted on for a few more years and she was longing to have children.’
I like her style.
‘I wasn’t a thinker-ahead, Holly, children hadn’t even crossed my mind. When the vicar said, on our wedding day, “and may they be blessed with children” I thought what the fuck? Don’t talk about sex in front of everyone. My mother’s here.’ Angus lets out a raucous laugh. ‘Are you beginning to see why she left me?’
‘Yes.’And no. ‘Go on.’
‘I guess it all started when I lost my job. In investment banking it’s one mistake and you’re out. I felt depressed stuck at home, doing nothing, and quite rightly Soph kicked me out.’
I can’t help thinking there is more. He’s not telling me the whole story.
‘We hadn’t been happy for some time,’ he confesses. ‘She’d always told me I needed to lose weight. Soph’s a physio, quite medically minded. She made me go and see our GP about a year ago. I was working mad hours, constantly entertaining clients and coming home late. The doc warned me my blood glucose was high, my liver function dodgy, that I was at risk of heart disease, and on the fast track to diabetes.’ He pauses. ‘But I didn’t care.’
‘Why not?’ I assemble plates and cutlery on the table, pour the dressing over the salad and give it a mix. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘It’s hard to explain.’
‘Try.’
‘I guess I was addicted to everything that was bad for me. After that appointment, Soph was convinced I’d quit smoking and ease up on the late nights. That I’d listen to a professional.’
‘I don’t get it.’
‘There’s not much to get, Holly. I’ve smoked since I was thirteen. I could have bought a Mercedes Benz with the amount of money I’ve spent on lighters alone. I loved it, and still do, so it pretty much boiled down to obstinacy. I hate being told what to do. If a sign reads “Don’t walk on the grass”, I will. Or I’ll drive thirty-one miles an hour in a thirty-mile hour speed limit, just because.’
‘But Angus, this is your health,’ I raise my voice, ‘your life.’
‘I know. This is delicious. How do you make the dressing?’
‘Angus.’ I know him well enough now to recognise when he wants to change the subject.
‘Sorry. Everything you say makes sense, Holly. I hated my job too. Sophie told me to resign, do something that made me happy. Drama and English are my real passions. And history. And photography.’ He sighs.
‘I don’t get it. Your mum loved people who did unordinary things, and then you go into banking? I mean, fine if you loved it.’
‘I wasn’t brave enough to follow my dream. I never thought I’d get into drama school or earn enough doing photography. I convinced myself Mum lived in fairyland thinking everyone should be unordinary. The truth is failure terrified me, Holly. I was good at numbers so I took the easy route. I knew I could make a success of banking. Well, I thought I could. Almost killed myself in the process, but it never scared me.’
‘What never scared you?’
‘My health. I never believed it was going to happen to me,’ he says. I still don’t entirely follow so wait for him to elaborate. ‘When I was in my twenties, and thirties, even my forties for that matter, I made a deal with the devil to ignore all the boring rules like eat your five-a-day and drink in moderation.Moderation?Don’t you hate that word? To hell withmoderfuckingation. Mum used to cook Scottie and me anything we wanted, “Eat and drink what you love” was her motto. I didn’t know what a Brussels sprout was until I spent my first Christmas with Sophie’s family. I spat it out across the table. Landed on Granddad’s plate.’
‘It didn’t,’ I say, laughing, beginning to realise how much Angus likes to dress up stories.
‘Despite my appalling diet of pasta, pizza and beer, I was actually quite slim and fit. Believe it or not, I was the best cross-country runner at school. I could never understand why I came last in the hundred metres but first in the eight hundred. Everyone’s blood sugar had run out except for mine.’ He smiles. ‘And I loved mountain climbing and being outdoors. I had a sense of adventure, I was up for anything, Holly. By sheer luck, after Soph and I married, I landed a job as a film locations manager, that’s another story, but that was the one and only job I’ve ever loved. I was the man who sorted everythingout. Something wrong? Go to Angus. It was non-stop-twenty-four-seven. I was on my feet or on my motorbike the whole time, checking out venues and sets. I loved it so much, no day was ever the same, but the hours were crazy. The final straw was doing a night shoot and creeping into bed at six in the morning and within half an hour Sophie’s waters broke with Benjie. “Please don’t have the baby now,” I said, turning over and going back to sleep. Honestly, Sophie should have left me years ago, Holly.’
