I’m inclined to agree.
‘After Benjie was born, I quit my job. Soph, understandably, didn’t want to carry on being a single mum, not with two kids. Sorry, I’m talking way too much. Are you sure I’m not boring you?’
‘Go on,’ I insist, helping myself to seconds of salad.
‘OK. So, I went back into banking, a job with a steady salary and set hours. It was caffeine, more caffeine, carbs for lunch and zero time for exercise as I was glued to my desk. But I didn’t care, Holly. Smoking and drinking were part of the territory, the culture. But Soph was right. It caught up with me. I was knackered, made a mess with figures, cost the bank a fortune, “get the fuck out” they said, escorting me off the premises.’
‘And then what happened?’
‘Here I am. Sitting in your kitchen.’
‘She kicked you out?’ I don’t blame her, but why do I still feel there’s something missing?
‘Working in a bank is something I’ve always felt the need to atone for. It’s kind of why I want to help Lauren,’ he admits, ‘but what Ian said, it hit a nerve, you know? The middle class out to save the day.’
‘I know. He’s right. We’re all messed up.’
‘I can’t screw up my kids,’ Angus says, to himself as much as to me. He places his head in his hands. ‘I should be at home, making sure Benjie’s OK.’
I imagine he mentions Benjie as he’s the youngest. Perhaps he’s the most vulnerable? I’m about to ask, but something stops me.
‘I should be with my family.’ He shakes his head. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that being here, with you…’
‘Angus, I get it.’
‘What you said to me the other day, at the café…’
‘I didn’t mean it. Well, not all of it.’ I smile. ‘I was having a bad day myself.’
‘I needed to hear it. I’ve got to grow up, sort my life out. I have responsibilities. I used to be happy, Holly. I had a home, a family, an income, a modicum of pride.’
‘It’s not too late.’
‘It is, with Soph. Things were said that can never be unsaid.’
I don’t buy that. ‘If this was a film, would you want to be the guy who crumples in the corner, in a heap of self-pity, or would you want to be the man who wins his family back?’
‘I’d like to think I’d be in the “winning her back” camp. The knight in shining armour. The hero on the horse.’
‘Good. Can you ride?’
‘Nope.’
We both laugh.
Angus puts down his knife and fork, his plate clean. ‘Nothing fazes you, does it?’
‘Everything fazes me. I just do a good job hiding it. I should have done drama.’
‘Never too late.’
‘It is.’
‘What do you regret?’
I decide to match his honesty. ‘Not having kids. Jamie and I wanted them more than anything. We tried for years. I had one miscarriage after another.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
