Lio stands up and offers me his hand. Pulling me up, he walks toward the couch, tugging me along. Not that I put up any resistance. When he sits down, he grasps me tighter until I’m sitting right next to him.
“Tell me, Love. Tell me what’s confusing. I suck at emotions, but maybe I can help.”
I smile at the new endearment he’s given me. It’s one I don’t deserve, and I know I have Tennant and Hollis to thank for getting him to the point he can express himself so confidently. Sadly, the smile doesn’t last long as I try to put into words what happened. I pull away from him, ashamed of what tumbles out of me.
“Tennant…questions whether I love him. I’ve hurt him deeply. He’s always so honest with me, but my brain…it’s broken. I want to know why I’m not enough for him, and he wants to know why he’s not enough for me. I can’t figure this out. He tells me I don’t have to give up my dreams of marriage, but don’t I? It makes no sense.” I yank at my hair, frustration rolling through me as it chases the fear.
“Hmm…” Lio pauses as he takes my hand in his again, holding it tightly. “I think he’s saying that if you want to be married, all you need to do is ask him. And that’s a pretty big deal for him.”
Huffing, I stare at Lio’s hand in mine, floored with that realization. Fucking hell. It makes sense. But… “How is that fair to the rest of his lovers, though?”
Lio grunts in frustration. “That word.Fair. Fuck. Life isn’t fair. But love? Love is a gift. It’s not something you divide up, saying I only have X amount to give. That’s not the way it works. Just because you love him, doesn’t mean you don’t have love for your friends and family, right?”
“True,” I say slowly. “But that’s far different than multiple lovers.”
“Is it? Because from where I’m standing, you’re looking at it all wrong. It’s not him with multiple lovers, it’s him with an entire family. One that I know will embrace us both. Hell, you know I’m always going to be there for you.
“You haven’t really gotten to know Roman, or you would see he has such a big heart. All he cares about is whether the people he loves are happy. And uh, probably don’t take his clothes. Although you can bond with him over nail polish.
“I’m not overly familiar with Jude yet, but I know there’s something special in him too. If only because my Daddy and Owner love him.
“I feel like you’re looking for the differences to point out, to set yourself apart in a sort of fucked up competition. Instead, look at it as we are all equal parts of a whole. Love isn’t divisible—hell, there’s not even a rule saying love looks the same in each instance.”
I soak in my friend’s wisdom, letting it heal the cracks in my heart. Still, I can’t shake my fear completely. Opening up further, I ask, “How did you do it? Before, you were dead set on only being Allesandro’s. How did you find thecourageto let the others in?”
He shrugs a shoulder and for a moment, I don’t think he’ll answer. Eventually, he does. “It’s not courage. It’s faith. My Daddy and Owner have given me more than I can ever repay—not that they’d ever ask for it. I know I can go to them with anything and they’ll be there to help me work through it. It’s impossible not to love them.
“Master… If I’m lucky enough to have him again, it’ll be easier because I’m more myself now. I don’t have to hide. I’m stronger because of their family—all of them. Tennant, Hollis, Roman, and Jude. They’re…everything. And it makes me want to give them the same level of care that I know they’d offer me.
“The question, I guess, is can you accept that love isn’t one-size-fits-all? And that if you want to love Tennant, it means, at the minimum, respecting those he loves. Although…I vote that you give us a chance to show you the same love we all have. You may be surprised by it.”
“I think I would be,” I reply softly. His words fill me with hope. Something I’m not sure I deserve, but fuck if he doesn’t know how to break things down for me. Yawning, I shake my head, trying to stay awake.
Lio jostles me and I realize I must have failed at trying. Fuck. I glance at the time, but thankfully, not much has passed. “Come on. Let’s go take a nap before we deal with anything more.”
“I’m not sure we have time to do that…”
“Sure we do. You need to rest. Feelings and emotions fucking suck. They’re exhausting. But that’s the other good thing about having all of us. You’ll never have to face them on your own.”
I let him pull me up once again and follow him to my bedroom. My office is on the first floor, but thankfully, my bedroom isn’t far away on the second floor. With quiet, efficient movements, he insists on helping me into bed. I want to tease him for it, but instead, I soak up the level of caretaking he’s giving me.
When he slides into the bed next to me, I open my arms and he quickly snuggles in. I hug him tightly before loosening my arms just enough that he can at least breathe easier. Having him here reminds me just how lucky I am in this life. I could have taken Il Padrone’s out, but thank fuck I didn’t, because for as hard as this life may seem, Lio and Tennant make everything worth it. And hell, if the others make them happy, then fuck, I’ll be grateful instead of worrying. And if I struggle…Tennant and Lio will both be here for me until I can find the strength to truly accept it.
How the hell did I get so lucky? I may not deserve my homicidal teddy bear, or Tennant, but I’m not letting them go. Even though it means I have to learn to get over myself. I’ll make a list later of how to do it. For now, I follow my friend into slumber, knowing that I’ll be safe, if only because he’s here to help chase the nightmares away.
Doc stares at me and I fight not to squirm under his glare. He doesn’t have to say a word for me to know he’s still pissed. My aching wounds are enough testament to that, considering he didn’t even offer me anything to numb the areas before stitching me up. Not that I blame him. I earned every ounce of his wrath, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a motherfucker.
“I’m only allowing this because we’re out of ideas, and the Council needs an answer so they can move forward with a decision. I swear to fuck, Cris, if you fuck this up, I will kill you brutally.”
“Good to know you care, Doc.” I try for a smile but fail, and his glare gets more intense.
Sighing, I spread my hands, palms facing him, hoping he can hear the sincerity of my words as I say, “I need to do this, Doc. Please. I have nothing left to lose, so let me try.”
“Fine. You get five minutes. Don’t fuck it up.”
I follow him slowly out of my medical room, down to Allesandro’s. The stitches that run hip to hip ache and stretch with every step I take, but they remind me I’m alive, and that is far more than I deserve after what I did to Roman.I don’t deserve him.
Doc knocks softly on the partially open door before swinging it all the way open for me. He doesn’t say anything as I slide past him into the room, nor does he shut the door all the way. I’d protest, except I know they’re probably watching, so a closed door doesn’t make a difference.
