Turning my attention to the man I’ve desperately wanted to see for a week or more…since Luca cut my hood open and left me tied up on the floor, to stare helplessly at my bound and broken friend. Seeing him now isn’t any better than it was then.
Allesandro doesn’t look at me, he simply lays back on his bed, his attention focused on the ceiling, his hands resting on his stomach as he seemingly waits for something—someone—that isn’t me.
It kills me. Knowing where we started, and how far we crashed and burned. Accepting that I had something to do with the way my love is now…it’s fucking heartbreaking.
Unable to stand the silence any longer, I say, “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Cuore Mio.”
He flinches, but finally looks at me. His bright blue eyes are dull, and there’s no spark of life, not even the hatred he should feel for the devastation I helped wrought on his family.
“Don’t… That’s… I’m not that. I can’t be.”
Sitting in the chair, I lean over my knees, clasping my hands in front of me and hating how broken this strong and brilliantman is. “I know. I’m sorry. You were my light in the dark when I needed you, and I helped ruin you.”
He sits up, shaking his head. “No, don’t…don’t tear yourself down, please. I…it’s my fault. I ruin everything I touch. I’m not worthy of being Il Padrone, and I'm certainly not worthy of your heart. I broke mine irreparably, I don’t want to do the same to yours…so, I can’t be what you need me to be.”
I stare at him and try to gather my thoughts, but the only thing I have to offer is the truth. “You are, though. I lost Carter and Roman because of my actions. I’ll accept that. I…can’t regret some of the things I did, but I will admit when I was wrong, where I went too far. But with you, nothing between us was wrong. Twisted, yes, but not wrong.
“You saved me when we were kidnapped, put me back together after we were rescued, and you will always have a piece of my heart, My Love. I’m not in love with you, I never was, but Idolove you, Allesandro. I always will. Amore Mio. Cuore Mio. Amico Mio e luce. Non siamo insieme sbagliati, solo non completi. You might have given up on yourself, but I never will. I’m just sorry for the part I played in your downfall.”
“I never should have been at the top,” he says softly. “I never deserved it.”
“No,” I agree. “Me neither. Siamo solo uomini, Amico Mio. I nostri piedistalli sono andati, e possiamo essere solo uomini ora. Chiunque siano quelle persone.”
“Yeah…” He nods slowly, but I don’t think he believes my words any more than I do.
Reaching out, I give his hand a squeeze, ignoring the way he flinches. After a moment, he squeezes back, though it’s weak, and I can only hope it brings him some comfort.
“I’ll always love you, Allesandro. As a friend, and as a part of me. I hope you one day will forgive me, and yourself, enough to repair our friendship into what it always should have been.”
He swallows and doesn’t reply, just drops my hand. I don’t let the rejection sting, knowing it’s selfish to ask that of him, but unable to help myself.
Standing, I press a kiss to his downturned head, before exiting the room, leaving him with the last pieces of my already shattered heart, and hoping that isn’t the last time I see my friend. But…I know what’s to come. Roman may have let me live, but he was acting as the son I hurt, and on behalf of the husband I left behind.
This time tomorrow, the Council will deliver their final verdict, and these might be our last few days alive.
I hope it's painless. And that they give my love mercy.
Walking into the O’Connel mansion dredges up memories of the past. When Lio’s dad ran the Family, we would occasionally have meetings here. Although it was always the Christmas party that Allesandro’s aunt hosted that we saw as our true safety zone for meetups. Once Brendan took over…that’s when things began to unravel. I’m glad to see the mansion restored to its former glory, after Eamon destroyed it. Lio is nothing like his half brothers, and that’s a good thing. Especially right now, when the life of my best friend is in his hands.
“Follow me.” The butler waves me forward. Straightening to my full height, I follow with a confidence that I don’t truly feel.
I’m surprised to be led into the medical wing, but upon seeing Carter, it makes sense. My eyes briefly note each man who is here. Keegan is standing next to Carter’s bed, lookinglike a fierce avenging angel. Roman is seated on the other side of Carter, father and son so alike in their expressions. Both men were clearly meant to be Bosses with the cool severity they radiate. And then there’s Lio, sitting next to his friend…
My heart clenches with the knowledge that my words are going to hurt him, but I breathe easier seeing Tennant right behind him, his hand resting on the O’Connel Boss’s shoulder. I’m not surprised to see Hollis, especially with his tablet. However, the room is so small, he’s sitting next to Keegan, rather than in his own personal corner, like I know he prefers. Swallowing, I settle into a parade rest, and drop my gaze in submission.
“Speak,” Carter says roughly. “We’ll hear you.”
Taking a deep breath, I pray for a miracle before I lift my gaze to these men who hold so much power in their hands. All I can do is lay my heart out there and hope they find mercy. But first, I need to address a more personal topic.
“Thank you to the Council for recognizing me. Before I get on to the main topic, I would like to offer a heartfelt apology. Actually—more than one.” It’s as if everyone freezes, but none of them stop me, so I push forward. “First, Hollis. Please accept my apology for the insult when you were there for Lio when he needed you. Your level of care and commitment to making sure the Families are safe is impressive. I never should have doubted you, and I’m thankful that you’re such a vital part of the network everyone has worked hard to create.”
Hollis stares at me, seemingly in shock, but I merely shrug a shoulder before turning toward Roman. This one, admittedly, is harder, but it’s owed. “Roman. You have my apologies for doubting you and your Family. I’d also like you to convey to Jude how much I sincerely regret the cruelty I showed to him. He’s an excellent Second, and I belittled that.”
Roman blinks at me and I hold my breath. With a slow nod, Roman responds. “I will let Jude know. I’m glad you realize the harm you’ve done.”
I hold back a wince as I turn toward the boy—no, the man—who deserves more than an apology, and even though words aren’t enough, they are all I can offer. “Lio… There is nothing I can say in your case. There’s no level of apology that will ever make up for what I’ve done. The way I treated you, the harm I caused you and Allesandro…fuck, the entire Family. I won’t ask you to accept an apology from me. Instead, I want to acknowledge the hatred that led me to it, and how much wrongdoing I’ve caused. I regret it to no end, and I do truly apologize, but there are no words to make up for what I’ve done.
“Please also convey to Benjamin that I recognize how very wrong I was to treat him the way I did. All of these actions were mine and mine alone. It may be easier to think of it based on how my life was going, and for the longest time, I tried to take comfort in that. However, that was a lie I wrapped myself in. So I stand in front of you, acknowledging my failures and regrets. I don’t ask that you find forgiveness, but thank you for letting me speak the truth.”
