It would appear that rational thought is beyond you, and now I am incapable of speaking to you without becoming angry. If you wish to write to me, I will read it, but that is all I can promise at present.
E
Elizabeth,
I am sorry! I should not have shouted. I do not know what came over me.
That is untrue. I know exactly what came over me. Jealousy is a black beast and it overtook me today. Can you forgive me?
F
Mr. Darcy,
That is it?! That is all the reply I should expect? You are sorry? That you shouted? Truly? How do you not see what you should be truly sorry about?! I need a walk. I will read your reply when I return.
E
Elizabeth,
I have given it more thought, and you are correct. I should not have shouted, but more important is what led to the shouting. I should never have thought such things of you, my dear. I know better. I know you would never do such a thing—you would never dishonor me nor yourself in such a way. But when I saw you whispering and smiling at that man, looking so happy with him, I—I cannot explain it.
I lost control. I am sorry, my dear. I know not what else to say.
F
Fitzwilliam,
That is certainly a better apology than the one before it.
No, you should not have thought such things of me. Engaging in an affair outside my marriage would not only be wrong; it would go against everything I personally believe. It would be a betrayal of our trust, of our bond. I would never risk such a thing! How could you think it of me? Do you think I place so little value on our marriage?
And how could you think I would treat you so shabbily? I would never expose you to that kind of humiliation. I would never do something so vile, so evil! I would never, ever hurt you like that. And it would hurt me, too, for it would destroy what we have together, and that is the most important thing in the world to me. It would be incredibly foolish and selfish and shortsighted.
Besides everything else, every woman knows to remain faithful until she has given her husband an heir. I am insulted that you think I could be so stupid. And shallow. And hateful and cruel.
I would never think it ofyou. And I have greater reason! Are men not more likely to have a mistress than a woman is to have a lover? Do you not move through the world with much greater freedom than I? Do you not have the ability to walk away from such an encounter with little to no consequences and have no one be the wiser? Are you not under significantly less scrutiny than I am? And yet, I have not thought such a thing about you. Not once! Not even when Miss Bingley practically fell in your lap when we were visiting the Bingleys, or when Mrs. Carlton flirted so blatantly with you at the ball last month.
Because I trust you, Fitzwilliam.
As I thought you trusted me.
I need another walk.
E
Elizabeth,
I know you are right. I know you would never do such a thing. I do not know what came over me. I saw him, I saw you, and I was filled with rage and despair. I am wholly irrational when it comes to you, my love. When you smiled at him, the way you smile at me sometimes, it was as if my greatest fear were coming true. That someone else had stolen your heart.
I know it is nonsensical, but that is the truth.
This may not be wise, but I must ask. Who was that man? What was he doing here? Why were you speaking to him so familiarly?
F
Fitzwilliam,
You are right about one thing; you are terribly irrational. I am glad we are having this conversation through notes or I would have marched off in a huff by now. This way, I may pace to my heart’s content and then respond in a somewhat rational manner.
