If you must know, I had never met that man before today. We had corresponded briefly before today’s visit because he is a tradesman I have purchased something from. He was making a delivery of a gift I ordered some months ago. For you—for your birthday next week. You probably saw me smiling the way I do at you because we were discussing you, and how much I thought you would like the gift.
It is quite intricate, and he was showing me a diagram of how it works. He was about to begin putting it together when you stormed in like a raging bull.
The poor man is likely halfway back to Liverpool by now and I shall have to figure out how to put the machine together myself. Mayhap I will ask Jonathon Fitzwilliam to assist me when he comes for dinner tomorrow. Or perhaps that would be too much like conversing with another man, which I am clearly not allowed to do.
I will be certain not to smile at your cousin when he arrives. He is a vicar, and family, but clearly I cannot be trusted to even be near the male sex.
E
Elizabeth,
How can I make it up to you? You are right and I am ridiculous. Knowing that you were arranging a gift for me only makes it all so much worse. Please, tell me how I may make it right.
F
Fitzwilliam,
I am trying to understand your point of view, and how I would feel if I walked into a room and saw you speaking to an unknown woman. I do not think I would begin shouting and expel her from Pemberley without asking a single question, but I might feel some concern over who she was and what you were doing with her. I would ask before acting, of course.
I am trying to understand your fear, though it seems outrageous to me. You are the far more desirable of the two of us. And I do not think I have ever given you reason to think I would stray—have I? But I know that fears are not rational and that we mostly just feel what we feel, without much rhyme or reason.
I accept your apology, and I will think on an appropriate penance for you. Mayhap I will carry the day in our garden discussion and I shall have the tulip border you thought would not suit the empty patch in the formal gardens.
E
Elizabeth,
How do you not know how desirable you are? In town last month, all you had to do was crook your finger and you could have had whatever male company you desired. Did you not notice how their eyes followed you when you danced? Or how you never sat out a set? I have never glared at so many men in my life!
I begin to see part of our problem now, dearest. We each think the other is more desirable than ourselves. Though I can say with some level of certainty that finding a paramour would be easier for you to do than me. What am I saying? I do not wish to encourage you. I can hear you laughing in my mind, telling me how silly I am being.
What I mean to say is this. Elizabeth, I would be devastated should you take up with another. And after seeing how good an impression you made on the men in town, and hearing some of their comments (which I will not repeat, so do not even ask me), I am more sensitive than usual. And I have been so busy of late with the spring planting, I worried I had neglected you. Seeing you today, well, it was perfectly designed to remind me that if you chose to, you could have another companion in a moment.
The confluence of events was not ideal.
I am speaking in circles. My love, please open the door and let me in. I am desperate to hold you.
Your Husband
16 May, 1813
Pemberley, Derbyshire
Dearest Elizabeth,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for my gift. I have long wanted a telescope, but for one reason or another, I never purchased one. It was incredibly thoughtful of you, and very generous considering the circumstances surrounding its coming to be here.
Tonight, after I have made love to you so thoroughly you will never doubt my faith in you again, we may look at the stars together. You can show me your favorite constellations and I will keep you warm.
Thank you again, my sweet.
All my love,
FD
4
On the Occasion of Mr. Darcy’s 30th Birthday
