And things definitely developed. A little more than I’m prepared to handle. But now we’re here, and I have to give my feelings for Adam more consideration. My affection is no longer enough. I need to figure out how deep my feelings for him run before I hurt him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.
After Mark died, I accepted a future without love. I’d spend the rest of my life alone, and I was okay with that. I never expected to kiss another man. Or feel a man’s hands on my body. Or have a man enjoy my body as much as I enjoy his in return.
Yet, I found that, and more, in Adam.
Could I even love a man after Mark? I’d loved Mark with every ounce of my existence. He was my everything, and I was his. We’d had a great life together and made so many plans for our future. Once Alex started college, we were going to travel the world. We’d already started planning a tour of Italy. But that was the life I’d never have. The life I had to let go of. Because no matter how much it hurts, Mark is my past.
Adam is my future.
I shoot up in bed and chew on that thought. My heart rate increases to the point my ears start ringing, and my eyes won’t focus.
“Adam’s my future.” I say those words with such ease. I glance over at Adam asleep on his stomach. His arms are curled under the pillow, and he’s hugging it close to his face. He looks so handsome and strong sleeping next to me. So unlike how he looked after telling me he loved me last night. He lookedvulnerable, like I could completely break him with one wrong word.
I don’t want to break him. Hell, I don’t want to lose him. I want him in my life. I want to love him the same as he loves me. I just need to figure out if that is what my heart is trying to tell me before he loses patience with me.
He says he’ll wait, but for how long?
My phone buzzes on my nightstand. When I pick it up, I smile at Lizzy’s picture on the screen.
“Hello, sweetheart,” I whisper. I crawl out of bed and grab my robe as I head into the bathroom.
“Why are you whispering,” she asks.
“Adam’s asleep, and I don’t want to wake him.”
“Adam’s staying the night now?” There’s a tone to her voice I don’t like. It sounds disapproving and judgmental.
“Yes. We’ve become quite close. You know that.”
“I know, but I can’t believe you let him stay last night. Doesn’t Daddy’s memory mean anything to you?” Her voice cracks, and she sounds like she’s crying.
“Of course it does. Me being with Adam doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten your dad. I thought you of all people would be okay with this. You encouraged me for months toget back out therebefore I moved.”
“I know. But seeing you actually do it is different. It makes … I don’t know. I guess it makes me angry.”
“Angry?” My mouth drops open. “I thought you liked Adam. You two got along so well. And you didn’t seem bothered by our relationship while you were here.”
“Well, I guess it bothers me more than I let on.” She sniffs. “I honestly can’t believe you’re in bed with Adam today ofalldays.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Now my anger is starting to peak. We talked about this while she was here. She said she was fine with this. “Why the sudden change in your attitude?”
“Mom!” she yells through the phone. “Do you mean to tell me you really don’t remember what today is?”
“Sweetheart, whatever has you so upset, I think you’re overreacting. Did something happen? Is there—”
“Yes, apparently my mother forgot what day it is.”
Mother. She never calls me mother unless she’s really cross with me. I drop to the floor and rest against the tub. What day is today? I’ve been so busy with the renovation, my writing, and Adam that I haven’t been paying close attention to the dates.
I pull my phone away from my ear and glance at the calendar. I gasp as soon as it registers. Today is Mark’s birthday.
“Shit,” I whisper.
I lift my phone to my ear and sigh. “Lizzy. I’m sorry. Just because Adam stayed the night doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten your dad. I’m doing my best here to let myself live again. I thought that’s what you wanted for me.”
Besides her tears, she’s silent on the other end of the line.
“Lizzy. Please talk to me.”
