"I meant the ball, Jasper." I blush, looking away to hide my smile as he chuckles to himself.
"The ball exceeded every single expectation I could've had as your client."
"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to win me over, Mr. Alcott," I quip. He sweeps us closer to the edge of the dance floor near the windows, giving us a view of the gardens outside.
His grin—almost feline—stretches as he murmurs, "Who says I haven't already, Greene?"
I part my lips in awe. He takes me in his arms, and we simply dance. Our footsteps move in harmony with each other as one. He leads, and I follow without missing a single step. As we dance, our eyes meet, focusing only on each other's gaze. His hand slides even lower down my back, settling mere inches just above my rear. He pulls me into him tighter. At this moment, nothing else matters. I forget why I needed space. I forget why I ever walked away. I forget why we aren’t kissing right now at this very moment. I lean in closer, studying his breathing, which is growing more rapid by the second. He feels this, too—hehasto feel this.
I’m walking away for the both of us.
In an instant, my senses return to me with vigor. “I’m sorry, Jasper, I—I can’t do this.”
I break away, running aimlessly, bumping into everyone in my path and apologizing to each bystander with every step I take. At first, Jasper moves to follow me, but he is quickly intercepted by several women who I’m sure are just as intrigued by him as I am. I stumble outside, nearly missing the step down into the courtyard, and close the patio door behind me. My hand instinctively rests over my heart as I inhale deeply, trying to catch my breath. I continue stumbling for several more feet for what feels like ages until I frantically land on my knees. It’s so quiet. So unbearably quiet. I vaguely analyze my surroundings, but through my blurry vision, I’m at a loss as to where I ended up. Instead, I rip off my mask and wrap my arms around my bent knees, cradling my head between them.
“Kai, I’m not sure if you’re here right now,” I whisper. “Honestly, I guess I can never tell when you’re here. I must not be intuitive enough. I can’t ever seem to feel it—feelyou,” I rasp as tears coat my cheeks and my throat tightens. “I miss you, Kai. I know Jasper says you’ve been here with me all this time, but if that’s the case, why do I miss you so unbearably much? Why does my heart ache constantly? Am I actuallybroken?”
I take a deep breath and choke out a sob. “Knowing you’re still around has… changed something in me. Now that I know you’re here, I don’t ever want you to leave. So, if that means I won’t ever find peace, then so be it because I need you. I’ll always need you, Kai.”
I weep. I just want him back. I want Kai back. Why can’t I feel him? Where is he right now? Can he feel my heart breaking at the mere thought of him? Can he feel my body quivering out of anxiety, fear, and despair in his absence? While rocking back and forth, my hands grow numb, succumbing to the elements.
Gradually the air begins to shift. Despite the bitter cold surrounding me in this gazebo I've grown so fond of, warmth finds me. It feels as though a current of heat swims through every inch of my body. I slowly lift my head, and to my utter disappointment, I see no one… but I cannot deny that I canfeelsomething. And it’s a feeling I’m not unfamiliar with.
It’s the same feeling I felt when I sorted through his belongings in his apartment after.
The same feeling I felt on the first Thanksgiving without him.
The same feeling I felt when I thought I was going to get hit by a car but unexpectedly gained my footing and rose instead.
The same feeling I felt when I had a panic attack at Aged Emporium.
The same feeling I felt when I thought I lost Truman and searched throughout the Cove for him before showing up on Jasper’s doorstep.
The feeling is not what I anticipated—it's not grand or obnoxious. It’s a comforting essence, similar to that of the sun’s warm rays on a radiant day.
Thisis Kai. I don’t get to feel him whenever I want in whatever capacity I choose. I feel him in the moments I’mbreaking. I reflect on all the other times I’ve felt this comfort, realizing that perhaps he has truly been here all along.
Forty-One
Jasper
Her soft hand slips out of mine in an instant, shattering the illusion of peace that came over me just moments earlier. She walks away for the second time in the last two weeks, making my heart physically ache. I reach out my hand to catch her, but she’s too swift.
When she walked onto the platform to thank our guests for being here in that starlit, tantalizing gown, I lost my mind. At that moment, all I could think about was her—the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. The need to hold her in my arms took over, leading me to intercept her path the second she finished her speech. I should’ve known our moment of peace would beshort-lived, but I’ll be damned if our story ends here. I stride down the path she carved, but someone halts me. Too many people stand between me and that door she just exited through.
“Jasper, I love your shop,” a blonde girl with a blue mask shouts over the music toward me. “Can I get you a drink?”
“I’m fine, thanks,” I answer sharply, fixing my eyes on the door. “If you’ll excuse me.” I continue walking when someone familiar blocks my passage.
“We did it, Jasper!” Joy swings her arms around me. I appreciate the sentiment but now is simply not the time.
“We did,” I say politely. “I’ve got to go, I’ll catch you later.”
“Joining Iris? I saw her slip outside.” She inclines her head toward the door as my stress levels increase by the second. I run my fingers through my hair, nodding.
“Here.” She grabs hold of my hand, ushering me through the crowd, barking orders at everyone in our way. Multiple people attempt to stir up conversations with me as we approach the exit. I can’t blame them—I know I’m being the world’s biggest ass right now, but I’ve got to get to Greene. I can’t lose her. I won’t.
Joy halts us in front of the exit, her grin widening as she opens the door. “Go get her.”
