“Thanks, Joy.” I grin at her, wasting no time sneaking outside into the dark. It’s far more cold and quiet out here than it is in there. Good riddance. I used to love loud parties, but those days are behind me. Now, I just want to spend time with my girl. I scan the snow-covered courtyard and gardens, tirelessly searching for her. Gradually, I feel drawn to the same gazebo where we spent our first date. As I get nearer, I spot Iris. To my dismay, she’s currently cradling herself on the ground, nestling her head full of dark curls in between her knees. I approach her as quietly as possible, careful not to disrupt her. Upon getting nearer, I hear her whispering.
“…I don’t ever want you to leave. So, if that means I won’t ever find peace, then so be it because I need you. I’ll always need you, Kai.”As her voice rasps and turns into a sob, my heart shatters. Everything in me wants to run to her side and help her through this. I step toward her, but someone catches my arm, pulling me back. I turn toward Kai, who’s smiling softly.
“This is it, Jasper,” he whispers, his eyes overfilled with tears that haven’t yet fallen. “I know you’re here now, and brother, I trust you. Let me do this for her. Our time is running out.” Stunned, unsure of how to feel, I nod solemnly. He walks past me, straight to her side. He wraps his arms around her tighter than I’ve ever witnessed, squeezing his eyes shut as he embraces her. I watch the yellow glow of his power funnel into her gently, mimicking the way a stream flows down a mountainside creek. As he holds her, he rests his head on top of hers. His hold tightens, emitting the brightest light—so impossibly bright I have to shield my eyes. After a moment, his light dims, and tears evade him. He pulls away from Iris slightly and breaks out into a huge grin. I glance at her to see her looking up directly into his eyes. She may not be able to see him, but it’s clear as day shefeelshim.
“Kai?” she calls out quietly after a moment of silence. Kai peers at me, motioning me to join them. As I step out of the shadows, she jumps, visibly shaken.
“Sorry to disappoint.” I approach her side, slipping off my mask as she isn’t wearing hers anymore either. I sit down next to her, allowing our thighs to touch. “Kai is here too, love.”
Her bloodshot eyes widen. “That means—that means I felt him. I actually felt him.”
“He just gave you the most obnoxious hug I’ve ever seen,” I joke, glancing at Kai, who rolls his eyes in response.
“Jasper, can you tell her something for me?” His expression sombers. “She thinks the key to solving her problems is for meto come back, but really,sheneeds to come back. The world without the true Iris isn’t whole. Even after I ascend, I’ll still be watching, just from afar. She won’t be alone. Ever.”
I repeat his exact message. Her eyes brim with tears again as she rests her hand over her heart. “Jasper, what happens when you find your safe place, your home, in a person, and you lose that person? When I lost my safe place, I think—I think I lost myself, and I haven’t found my way back because I don’t feel like I have anywhere to call home anymore.”
“I’ll be your home, Iris.” I place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Kai rises and walks out of the gazebo, leaving us. Her lips tremble as she shakes her head.
“I’m not asking for a new home. I just want my old one back. You can see him, talk to him even, maybe that’s enough. Maybe we can continue this for years, and eventually, I’ll somehow find peace—” I lift her chin mid-sentence, then stroke her damp cheek with my thumb.
“Greene, I won’t ever replace your old home. I know Kai. I can’t compare our relationship to the relationship you had with him. Sometimes, though, we have to build our own safe place and search for true peace there. I will keep you safe. I will give you space when you need it. You don’t ever have to put a smile on your face when you’re hurting, especially not in my company. It isnotyour responsibility to hide your grief from others. I’m sorry I didn’t say this sooner, Iris, but I’m saying it now because I can’t wait a second longer before sharingmytruth with you.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and gaze into her mesmerizing mossy eyes subtly reflecting the moonlight. “I’ve never felt this way. I’ve been racking my brain, trying to determine how to proceed from here, but there is no other way to describe the depth of my feelings. I love you, Greene. I’ve loved you for quite some time now. I’ve walked through life without the privilege of your company for nearly threedecades, and I can’t fathom taking another step without you. Not anymore, love.”
Our eyes remain locked on each other. At this moment, nothing matters more than how she feels. If she wants to walk away one final time, I’ll respect that. I will always trust her judgment. Similar to my friend Kai, I just want her to find peace. If her peace can only be found elsewhere, then so be it. She deserves nothing less. Eventually, I break eye contact. “I’ll respect whatever decision you need to make here. Hit me with whatever you’ve got.”
A few seconds later, she breaks the silence with a whisper saying, “I wasn’t sure how you felt, and I can’t stand the thought of losing you. But what if hypothetically speaking, my feelings mirror your own?” She looks away, biting her lip and intertwining her fingers in mine, holding my hand. “I've felt like a burden for years, but in your arms, I feel weightless—lighter than a feather. Iloveyou, Jasper. More than I ever could’ve imagined possible.”
My heart stills. She loves me.Iris loves me.
In an instant, I rise, pulling her off the ground of the dimly lit gazebo. I embrace her with a fierceness I’ve never known and inhale her scent of honeyed vanilla.
She ismine—my love, my light, my everything. I soften my hold and lean back to look at her, my hands resting on her waist. Slowly, her smile fades away.
“But I just feel like I already know how this will end,” she rasps. "If I ever lose you… Jasper, I'm so scared."
Hearing her admission strikes a chord deep inside me. I gently move my hands upward, following the slope of her back all the way up to her neck, eventually cradling her soft face in them. “I'll admit, I'm scared too. But if feeling afraid is what it takes, I’d rather feel terrified than lose you.”
Then I lean in, parting my lips, and kiss her hungrily. I’ve missed her taste so fucking much, I’m already feeling weak in the knees, and she hasn’t even slipped her tongue out yet. She has made a mess of me. Our lips break apart, leaving us breathless. I crush her against my chest, then pull back to gaze into her eyes again.
“The only emotion that equates to love is fear,” she mumbles to herself quietly. “Kai said that once.”
“Really? Kai said that? How uncharacteristic, but eh, I guess it’s fitting for the occasion,” I quip. I search for him and take note of the eerie silence. “Hey, it’s quiet as Hell out here, Greene. How are you feeling?”
“About the quiet? I feel okay. Not great, but not anxious.” She gazes around, then continues, “About us? Imaybe squealing inside a little.”
We both burst into laughter. Ah, I love this girl. “Do you mind if I ask why the quiet bothers you?” We walk over to the outer edge of the gazebo, leaning on the railing.
“No one has ever asked that before.” She pauses, stroking her hand up and down my back. “Then again, I think you’re the only person who ever caught on to how much I loathed the quiet. I suppose I found comfort in chaos and despair in quiet moments. I embraced chaos and greeted it as if it were an old friend, even. The quiet was not welcome, nor would it ever be. Or so I thought. Then, you came along.”
I caress her arm and urge her to continue. “I found comfort in chaos because the last time I ever heard Kai’s voice was amongst a sea of chaos. I didn’t lose him in the chaos. I lost him in the lingering stillness that came after. That same stillness settled in, making itself at home. I’ve avoided that side of myself for so long because every time the quiet takes over, I think of Kai and the moment he took his last breath. To me, accepting the silenceequates to letting him go.” My gut clenches at the thought of how painful this has been for her.
“Remind me—didn’t you say that you and Kai were listening to music in his final moments? Didn’t he smile at you?” I ask. She looks away, and a subtle smile reaches her lips. She nods. “How did you feel at that moment?”
“I didn’t have a care in the world,” she admits. I hear footsteps and see Kai approaching us.
“I didn’t either, Irie,” he says, grinning. “I loved that moment. It was the perfect ending to my life on Earth.”
