Out of the corner of my eye I saw Landon smile as he watched me, and my stupid heart started fluttering. “What would I be doing there, Mercy?”
His question felt like a challenge. He had to know how uncomfortable he made me, and the asshole was loving it. He was daring me to stop shoveling food into my mouth and participate in the conversation, maybe tell them both how I really felt about him volunteering.
I reached for my glass of water and sucked down a drink, holding up my index finger to let him know I needed a minute. Using the time to school my expression into something more professional, I set down the glass and took a deep breath.
“Volunteers do whatever the teachers need them to do. Sometimes they help with projects—cutting, gluing, things like that—and sometimes they sit with the preschoolers and remind them when it’s time to listen instead of talking to their neighbor. Volunteers also help with activities like playing basketball or handball with kids during recess or our physical fitness time. It can be pretty taxing, though, and if you think about it and decide you don’t want to spend your vacation at a preschool, nobody will blame you.”
Beth was looking at me like I’d just kicked her cat. She’d only ever heard me sell volunteering as an opportunity, but I refused to do that with Landon. If he chose to volunteer, it needed to be because he wanted to, not because Beth or I had talked him into it. And so far, it seemed like he was only thinking about it to appease his mom and mess with me.
“You’d love volunteering at the school,” Beth assured him. “Everyone does.”
I wasn’t so sure. “Do you even like children, Landon?” I asked.
He seemed taken aback by my blunt question. He scowled and snapped his mouth shut before furrowing his brow. Then his sexy lips twisted to the side as he thought. Finally, he answered, “You know, I’m not sure. I’ve never spent much time around kids.”
Beth straightened in her seat, a strangled sound escaping from her throat. “But what about your friend Gabe? You stayed over at his house half of your junior year, and he had younger siblings.”
“Mom, Gabe’s little sister and brother were annoying as hell. We used to lock them out of his room, so we could game in peace.”
Beth’s smile tightened as she glanced from me to Landon. “You’re a combat medic in the Army. I’m sure you can handle preschoolers,” she told him.
“It shouldn’t be about ‘handling’ them,” I chimed in. I loved Beth and wanted her to be happy, but I wouldn’t sacrifice the mental health of preschoolers so she could be close to her son. Even if part of me wanted him close, too. “We screen our volunteers carefully. Not only will you have to pass a background check, but you’ll also have to share your motivation for wanting to volunteer. So, let me ask you now: Why do you want to volunteer, Landon?”
His gaze shot to his mom for a moment before settling back on me. “I don’t even know if I want to,” he answered.
His honesty startled me. Then it gave me a whole new respect for the man. “Think long and hard about it before you do, then. Kids can tell when someone doesn’t want to be there, and they have enough fake people in their lives. They need to be surrounded by adults who genuinely care and are volunteering because they want to make a difference.”
“I won’t be here for very long.” Landon frowned. “How much of a difference can I possibly make?”
I shrugged. “None. Or all the difference in the world. It’s really up to you and whether or not you give a damn.”
“Mercy—” Beth started.
“No.” I cut her off. “I’m not trying to be a hardass here, and we always need more volunteers. But, if Landon wants to help out at the school, he needs to be doing it for the right reason. I didn’t grow up in this neighborhood, but I had my own complications throughout my youth, and I know how it feels when everyone expects you to fail because of who you are and where you’re from. I also know how life-changing it can be to have someone who really believes in you. These kids will face several challenges as they grow. I’m not subjecting them to anyone who won’t be in their corner and help prepare them to annihilate the limitations put on them by society for being below the poverty level. Not even for your son, Beth. I’m sorry.”
All my life people had told me I was too intense, too passionate, too intimidating about the things that mattered to me. Beth and Landon were watching me like everyone else did, no doubt wanting me to tone it down a bit. But I couldn’t change who I was. Nor could I lessen how important Bold Beginnings was to me. I’d sworn to protect the integrity of the preschool, and I would. No matter what.
“Landon, if you decide you want to come and help the preschoolers, and you can pass the background check, we’d love to have you. But if your motivation isn’t strictly about bettering the lives of those kids, I’m going to deny your application.”
He nodded, still watching me. “Understandable.”
Beth, on the other hand, didn’t look nearly as accepting of my speech. “Landon would never do anything to hurt a child,” she said.
“I understand that. But I also know there’s a lot of room between help and hurt, filled with possibilities that I have no desire to explore. I’m going to get dessert” Desperate for a break from the anger and disappointment in her eyes, I stood and went into the kitchen to retrieve my cobbler.
