I look at Charlie. He’s got his head rested on top of Cooper’s, eyes closed as he says yet another goodbye. No, I could never regret it. Even if it hurts to watch him stand and blow out a breath that sounds a little shaky to my ears.
He’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a long fucking time. And I need him to know it before he drives away. I catch his hands in mine as he comes to stand in front of me. “Watching you go hurts more than I expected.”
He laughs, but it’s tinged with a sadness that makes me ache. “Right? What the fuck were we thinking?”
I shrug. “Even knowing how hard this is, I’d do it all again. These last three weeks have been amazing. I’m glad you came into my life, Charlie.”
He blinks back tears before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. “Me too.”
I bury my face in the crook of his neck and breathe him in one last time. “Remember what I said. This doesn’t have to be goodbye for us. Not forever, not if you don’t want it to be.”
“I’m sorry?—”
“No.” I pull back enough to cup his jaw. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. We went into this knowing there was an end date. It’s not your fault I want to extend it indefinitely.”But I fucking wish you wanted that too.
I hold him for a while longer, neither of us keen to let go, but eventually he sighs and steps away.
“I should get going.”
“I should get to work.” Sadie will understand, but I can’t leave her on her own for too long.
I’m not prepared for him to surge forward and kiss me, and I stumble back a bit before regaining my footing. Doesn’t stop me from kissing him back twice as hard.
It’s bittersweet, but I don’t want it to end.
Can’t keep him here, though.
I watch him walk to his car, get in, and start the engine. Watch as he reverses, then drives away, taking my heart with him.
Cooper whines, like he’s finally realised something’s happening. I crouch next to him and pull him close. “Me too, mate. Me too.”
I don’t wantto leave Cooper on his own today, so I take him to work with me. I can admit it’s probably more for my benefit than his.
Sadie takes one look at the pair of us and pulls me into a hug, then gives Cooper a dog treat. She doesn’t say anything about Charlie, for which I am incredibly thankful.
Despite everything, the morning passes quickly. I can thank the influx of last-minute tree buyers for that. It’s just after lunchwhen my phone chimes with a text. I almost knock over both my and Sadie’s coffees in my haste to pick it up.
Charlie: I’m home. Thank you for the beautiful wreath and the mini tree. Not sure how you managed to get them into my car without me noticing, but thank you. They’ve given my flat a little festive cheer
I’d put them in first thing this morning. I honestly thought he’d spot them as he packed his car, but obviously he didn’t look in the back.
Pete: Couldn’t have you going home to a flat with no decorations
The tree was only about a foot and a half tall, but it was in a little red pot with lights wrapped around it and miniature baubles hung on its tiny branches. I wanted to give him something to remind him of his time here. To remind him of me.
Charlie: I got you a little something too. It should arrive tomorrow
Pete: You didn’t have to do that
Charlie: I know. I wanted to
We text back and forth, skirting around anything heavy until I notice the car park has suddenly got super busy again.
Pete: I have to go, looks like everyone and his dog decided to come get a tree today
Charlie: Okay. Talk later x
One littlexis all it takes to make my stomach swoop and a spark of hope to ignite. That has to be a good sign, right? I stare at it for way too long before realising I need to reply and not leave him hanging.
