CHAPTER EIGHT
Oh God.
Riley stumbled back against the car, its cold metal a welcome support as his legs threatened to give out.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
How much had Alex heard? From the expression on his face, Riley would guess everything, or at least enough toknow.
Abi muttered a quick “I’ll be inside if you need me” and made herself scarce.
Alex took a step forward. Riley tensed. Alex said, “I thought I dreamt it.” He touched his fingers to his lips as if remembering. Then his eyes narrowed.
Riley braced himself. He could still read Alex’s expression when he was upset, and right now Alex looked confused, hurt, and edging towards angry.
Alex snapped, “Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?”
“We kissed and… and….” Riley waved his hands around, not sure how to articulate what had happened that night. “Made out” seemed too trivial for something that had turned his world upside down, and his brain was still in shock. Words weren’t very forthcoming. “I woke up hoping for more of the same and maybe a handjob thrown in, only to discover you didn’t remember one fucking part of it.” He swallowed; his mouth was uncomfortably dry, and his heart raced so fast he put his hand on his chest out of instinct. “Have you any idea how that felt? How fucking awful it was that I’d risked everything only to find that none of it mattered?”
Alex threw his hands in the air and moved closer. “I was drunk!”
“Oh, so I took advantage of you. Is that what you’re saying?” Riley felt sick. His gaze darted to the side where the path to the woods beckoned, promising safety and an escape from whatever awful conversation they were about to have.
“Jesus, Ri. No, that’s not what I’m saying.” He glanced where Riley was looking and pointed a finger at him. “And don’t even think about running off. We need to sort this shit out.”
Riley felt out of control; his heart pounded, and everything that he’d planned to say to Alex vanished into thin air as panic set in. “What’s to sort out? I kissed you, you forgot, end of. I promise it won’t happen again, and if you’ve changed your mind about moving in, that’s fine.”
Alex’s brow furrowed. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He took another step closer and looked at Riley as though he didn’t even know him, and that was it. Riley was done. He’d fucked this all up, and he just needed to not be there.
He turned and darted for the woods, not stopping even as Alex yelled at him to “Get the fuck back here!”
The trees thickened overhead the further he went, cutting out some of the light and Alex’s shouting. Riley slowed his pace a little in an effort not to break an ankle or something. “Jesus Christ!” he muttered, shaking his head as he jogged down the path, pretty certain no one was following him. Alex hadn’t even tied his boots up, so no way would he be able to catch up to him.
Of course it had all blown up in his face,of fucking course!Why the hell hadn’t he stayed at home? Then none of this mess would have happened.
He finally came to a stop and leaned against the nearest tree to catch his breath. With each exhale, his heart rate slowed and he started to feel incredibly stupid. The cold seeped in through his thin jacket, and all of a sudden his hands were freezing—no wonder, since he’d come out without any gloves. “Fucking awesome, Riley!”
He banged his head against the tree trunk and sighed.
They’d all probably pack up and leave without him, and he wouldn’t even blame them. What had he been thinking running away like a fucking idiot? So childish.
He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind so maybe he could think straight. That had not been the way he wanted Alex to find out, andoh God, he hadn’t even told him how much that kiss meant to him. For all Alex knew, they’d been drunk and horny and that was that. What the fuck had he even said? The conversation had happened so quickly, Riley barely remembered the words he’d used.
One thing was burnt into his brain, though, and it made the sick feeling return with a vengeance.Hadhe taken advantage of a drunk Alex? He hadn’t thought so before now. They’d both been drunk, but having Alex think that about him would be worse than anything Riley could imagine.
He sank into a crouch and put his head in his hands.What the fuck am I going to do?
It wasn’t all that surprising when a few minutes later faint footsteps sounded, getting nearer with each step. Riley stayed where he was, despite his thighs starting to cramp; he kept his eyes closed.
A few more minutes and the footsteps stopped right in front of him. Without opening his eyes, he knew it was Alex, and he prepared himself to be shouted at.
When Alex spoke, though, he didn’t even raise his voice. “The others have gone back to Bristol.”
Riley sighed. Just him and Alex, then. “I’m surprised you didn’t go with them.”
“I thought about it, believe me.” The sound of boots scuffing the ground followed. “You deserve to be left here after running off like that. What the fuck, Ri?”
“I know. I just….” He sighed again, not sure how to excuse his behaviour. “Sorry.”
Alex huffed out a breath, harsh in the silence of the trees. “Will you stand up and look at me?”
