It was the least Riley could do, so he stood and opened his eyes, afraid of what he might see.
Alex was dressed appropriately for the weather, unlike Riley himself. He wore his hat, gloves, and a thick coat, and he stared at Riley with such anger in his expression, it made Riley step away. Unfortunately he was still backed up against the tree, and he stumbled sideways. Alex darted forward to catch his arm, and just that one touch through layers of thick fabric set Riley’s pulse speeding. Alex moved away as soon as Riley steadied himself. The loss of contact sent an ache through his chest.
Alex gritted his teeth. “I’m so angry at you right now.”
“I know.”
It was Alex’s turn to sigh, and he looked at the branches above their heads as though searching for the right words up there. “What did Abi mean when she said ‘Everyone knows how you feel about him’?”
Riley stared at him, his own anger stirring. “You know exactly what she meant, Alex. Don’t play dumb.”
“No, I don’t. I have an idea, but I need you to spell it out for me so that there’s no chance for misunderstandings. Let’s not make this mess any worse.”
“Mess?”Nice. Thanks, Alex.
“You know what I mean. Just tell me.”
Fuck it. The damage was already done. Despite what Alex thought, Riley doubted it could get much worse. “I like you, Alex, in more ways than a best friend should.” He couldn’t meet Alex’s gaze as he spoke, staring at the collar of his jacket instead. “I don’t want you taking random guys’ phone numbers, because I want you to be with me.Just me.”
“Like, as in—”
“Jesus, Alex! I want you, okay? I want to kiss you, get my hands all over that ridiculous body of yours, and fu—” He stopped, blushed furiously, and focused on the very interesting laces in his boots. “I want you to be my boyfriend, not my best friend.”Or both.Maybe he should have said that instead.
Alex didn’t say anything for the longest time, and Riley daren’t look up. If Alex was about to crush his heart, he’d rather not be looking him in the eye when he did it.
“I thought I’d dreamt it all. When I woke up that morning with a fucking awful headache and feeling sick, I had a vague recollection of having you underneath me and us kissing. I assumed it was probably some weird, alcohol-induced dream, because you would never kiss me like that.” He sighed again. “When you came down for breakfast and didn’t say a fucking word about it, I thought I was right.” He reached out and tipped Riley’s chin up so that he was forced to look at him. “Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“When?”
“After New Year’s Day.” Riley wanted to look away again, but Alex wouldn’t let him. It sounded stupid when he said it now.
Apparently, Alex thought so too, judging by his frown. “What were you waiting for?”
Riley stepped away. “Because I was too angry with you to start with, and I didn’t want to ruin Christmas if—”
“If what?”
God, I fucking hate this.“If you didn’t feel the same.” He barrelled on, not giving Alex chance to say anything. “And let’s face it, the odds aren’t exactly in my favour. Apparently I’ve been so fucking obvious with my feelings that you must have had an idea. And yet you did nothing, so….”
Alex tugged his hat off and ran a hand over his short hair.
And shit, the waiting was killing him, so Riley stepped into Alex’s space. “Did you know?”
“Not before we came up here, but I was maybe starting to wonder.”
“So, you were ignoring it?”
“No!”
“Hoping it would go away?”
Alex shook his head and Riley gave up. “What, then?”
“I—” Alex looked confused; his brow furrowed as though words had failed him.
One of them had to say it—otherwise they’d be there all day. The fight left Riley in a rush, and he felt behind him for the tree trunk. His hand hit the cold, rough bark, and he shuffled back to lean against it.
