Until I let him down by not showing up when I said I would.
Cupping the back of my head, I dig my fingers into my scalp and mumble, “I should have been there. You should be blaming me.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” She looks up, her glassy eyes so haunted.
I stare her right in the eye and tell her with certainty, “Neither did you.”
“But…” She shakes her head, biting her bottom lip as her chest heaves.
With a soft sigh, I try to get a clearer picture of what went down that night. “He must have done something to make you say that to him and then feel like you had to leave.”
Her expression crumples, her head shake turning into a nod. “He was really rude to me, in front of everybody. He told me I was a killjoy, then accused me of being a fucking princess, demanding too much of him, weighing him down.” She sniffs. “Shit, Ty, I thought he was about to break up with me, in front of his band and all those stupid people who claimed to be his friend but didn’t give a flying fuck about him.” Her words are sharp with bitterness. I stay quiet, letting her get them all out. “So, Iwent on the defensive. I told him to stop acting like such a dick. Told him the drinking was making him crazy and I didn’t want to be around him.”
I tense, waiting for the next part, not wanting to hear it but also desperate to know.
I’m so riled at Atlas for talking to her that way. She was his fucking sun! And he treated her like that?
My voice is a low rumble when I have to coax Dani to keep going. “How’d he respond?”
“He told me to fuck off.” Her eyebrows bunch as fresh tears stream down her face. “I knew he didn’t mean it. Not really. He was drunk. Not thinking straight. But I was so hurt and humiliated that I told him to go to hell, and then I stormed out of there.” She punches out a dry, broken laugh. “I made it two whole blocks before I calmed down enough to start thinking logically, and then I ran back to make sure he was okay.” She sniffs, her voice turning into a soft squeak. “I couldn’t find him. None of his friends would tell me anything. Just vaguenot suresandmaybe that ways. I didn’t know what to think. I bounced from wondering if he’d chased after me and we’d missed each other to him screwing a groupie in the back room.” She shudders. “I was a mess. And when I finally found him in that bathroom…” Fresh tears spill from her eyes. “He wasn’t okay, Ty. I should have stayed. I should have dragged him out of there. If I’d stayed, he?—”
“He might have said more mean shit to you. He might have escalated to… who knows what,” I growl, so pissed off that he could treat her that way. She was his champion. Stood by him through everything. For him to treat her like that is making me see red. If I’d been there, I would have hauled his ass outside and forced him home… into a fucking cold shower. That idiot!
My shoulders slump, my hold on Dani’s knee tightening as I listen to her cry.
Shit. So much blame. We’re both carrying so much blame.
But…
“We didn’t make him take those drugs, Dani.”
She sucks in a shuddering breath, then goes completely still.
She heard me, but she hasn’t acknowledged it yet, so I try again.
“We didn’t make him take those drugs.”
Looking up at me, I’m forced to soak in her wrecked expression, those haunted eyes filled with tears, the trembling of her lips.
“It’s okay to be pissed off with him about that. It’s okay to be angry at him for treating you that way.”
“I don’t want to hate him.”
“You never could. But…” I swallow. “You can still love someone and be mad at them. You have a right to be pissed over the way he treated you.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t turn him into the bad guy.”
“Yet you’re letting yourself be the villain?”
Her lips part.
“Dani, you were just protecting yourself that night. And you’re allowed to do that. He was being a dick, and if I’d been there, there’s no way I would have let him treat you like that.”
Guilt slams into me again.
I should have been there. I should have been there!
I don’t know what my face is doing, but when I blink, I notice a softening in her expression. She curls her fingers around mine, squeezing tight and whispering, “If I had a right to protect myself, then you had a right to celebrate your win.”
