Logan hadn’t pressured me into anything. He’d never made me feel unsafe or like he wouldn’t respect whatever boundaries I set. I wasn’t angry with him. I was angry with myself.
“I don’t know how I let this happen. I knew from the beginning this was fake. We never pretended it was anything different, but now it’s going to end, and I don’t think I want it to—” My voice caught, and Shar pulled me into another hug.
She held me for a long moment, until I had to blow my nose so I wouldn’t snot all over Rob’s sweatshirt.
Shar was quiet. When I finished adding to my pile of tissues on the coffee table, she said, “I’m honestly a little shocked.”
“I know. I don’t know what I was thinking?—”
“No, about Logan.”
I wiped my cheeks. “What?”
She looked down at her hands. “Those conversations you’re having? He never talked like that with me.”
“Shar—”
“No, I’m not upset about it, I’m just surprised. I didn’t think he was capable of being that open with someone.”
I dropped my head back on the cushions. “It’s probably because he knows there’s no risk. What am I going to do? Tell everyone? Admit that I forced him into dating me so I could get a job?”
“Okay, that’s not fair. You gave him the chance to say no, and I don’t think that’s what’s happening here. The Logan I knew wouldn’t have admitted he was bad at sex, ever. I’m not sure it even once crossed his mind.” Shar’s mouth quirked, and she lowered her voice even though Rob hadn’t made an appearance. “You’re saying he’s good at it now?”
I twisted my head to look at her without lifting it. “Um, yeah. He’s good.” Good didn’t begin to cover it. I dreamed about him. He monopolized my thoughts from the time I woke up until I saw his truck pull up outside my apartment.
Shar’s eyes widened. “Well, you must be an excellent teacher.”
I half-laughed, half-groaned. “I’ve created a monster.” It was me. The Logan-addicted, Kemp-craving monster was me.
Shar new exactly what I was getting at. “But how do you know he doesn’t want the same thing you do?”
I didn’t, not specifically. But what was I supposed to do? Tell him I decided I didn’t want to honour our end date? We had an agreement, and he’d never said a word to indicate he wasn’t planning to abide by it.
“If he did, wouldn’t he tell me?” I asked.
Shar considered that. “If you asked me that question a month ago, I would’ve said absolutely not. But . . . I don’t think I know Logan anymore. Not really.”
I drew a deep breath and exhaled. “I don’t know. He’s so open about some things, but then with others, he’s completely closed.”
“Like what?”
“Like his mom’s affair.”
Shar’s jaw dropped. Oops. Guess I’d left that part out. I filled her in, telling her more details than I’d given Logan since I knew she wouldn’t flip her lid.
“Oh, damn.”
I nodded. “Yeah. He still hasn’t said a word. I see his mom at the gallery, and she just walks around with Norman like everything is completely normal.”
Shar sighed. “Okay, see, that Logan I do get.”
I waited for Shar to continue.
“I’ve thought about this a lot, actually,” she said, “about what he admitted to me when he came back to the apartment. He said he only knew how to love hockey, and I’m not going to pretend that I know his family well, but from what I’ve seen, I get it.”
I nodded. I thought I knew what she was getting at, but I wanted to hear her explanation. “They seem like they have high expectations.”
Shar made a face. “Most parents have high expectations. The problem comes if they don’t accept youunlessyou meet them.”
