“I don’t think I understood even then just how hard to find. Spent most of my life wondering why, but when you get to my age, you realize how many backstabbers and liars there are, and you cling to anyone whose moral compass doesn’t waver…to whom loyalty really means something. Morals can be such a tricky thing for some people. I’d really thought Spencer had broken free. That he was off living some amazing life, found inner peace. But life isn’t so fair to any of us, is it? Sorry. And you thought you were the one who rambled.”
There was that dark streak he’d noticed at the aquarium.
Ty smiled, tightening his hold on my hand. “I’m sorry, Liam.”
I nodded, my jaw tensing, rage rising within me as I thought about the sort of revenge I wanted to get on whatever motherfucker had done that to Spencer. “It’s part of the job. We all know this getting into it,” I said, trying to toughen up.
Ty rested his free hand on the back of my head, his hold feeling more soothing than he could know. A part of me wanted to break down, fall into his arms and just hold him, relax into the pain, but I did what I always did.
Held strong.
Saved face.
“I’m still sorry about your friend,” Ty added, which made it that much harder for me not to fall prey to my emotions.
Friend…he had been that for me. One of my only friends.
“So interesting,” I remarked.
“What?”
“This interaction. Not used to people asking about my feelings, or maybe better still, I’m not usually one to offer them up. It’s why I acted the way I did around you from the beginning. Being an agent, you learn that feelings are a weakness. Showing them, other people seeing them…your wants, your desires, your pain, your suffering…once someone knows that about you, they can control you.”
“Maybe they can. Although, I know Mom’s weaknesses and her strengths, and I would never use those against her, try to hurt her with them. If anything, I feel like I can be there for her because I know them.”
“Yes, of course, there’s always that side to it. I just haven’t had a chance to let go like most people.”
“I don’t want to control you, Liam. I like getting to know you, though. And you’re lucky I’m a patient motherfucker.”
I didn’t fight the smile tugging at my lips. “Yes, I’m very lucky. But as I’m learning, it’s hard to reenter the world and join everyone else when I’ve spent my life keeping my distance from people.”
“You don’t have to get close to everyone, just the right people. Apparently, even Spencer knew that.”
“You’re a smart kid, Ty.”
“You wouldn’t be saying that if you saw the results of the practice test I took earlier.”
“Is that what you’ve been up to? I’m sorry. I should have asked.”
“Don’t worry. As long as you’re spending your time making sure we stay alive, I certainly won’t blame you for not checking in. Studying is kind of distracting. Although, I have to admit, I’m starting to have a hard time seeingthatas my real life when all this is so compelling.”
“You’ll be back to it as soon as I can manage. I’m doing my best, Ty.”
“I know you are, and I’m more appreciative than I can express.”
“You don’t have anything to be appreciative of. I’m the one who got you into this.”
“Did you? Didn’t I know I had a thing for trouble?”
I thought back to that night when I warned him. I couldn’t have foreseen all that had happened since. “I keep thinking I should have just left you alone.”
“I wouldn’t have let you,” Ty said in that voice that was so soft, it was almost like he hadn’t intended for me to hear him.
As I looked at him, I could see determination in his eyes, just like that night when we chatted, and I recognized the truth of what he said. Guilty as I felt, I was relieved to know that hasn’t changed. And that he was there with me.
He smirked before his lips twisted into a frown. “That said, I’ll leave you to your work and to finish your sandwich. If you need anything, I doubt you’ll have a hard time finding me.” He winked, putting his arm around me and drawing me in for a hug.
Every muscle in me stiffened as my body resisted the surprise display of affection, but this energy moved through me that assured me it was totally welcome.
“Sorry again about your friend.”
I was touched by his sympathy, but our hug ended too soon and he rose to his feet.
I could still feel the lingering weight from him on my thigh, his hold when he had me in his arms, and it felt so good, like he’d marked me. I wanted the sensation to remain for as long as possible, and even as it let up just a little, it annoyed me that at some point it would be gone.
Ty left, and I got back to work, trying to revamp my knowledge of all the cases I’d worked previously, the memories returning so vividly, some horrifying, some haunting. So much death. So many secrets.
I thought I’d stepped out into the light, but now here I was, plunging back into the darkness, carrying Ty in my arms with me.
