“Mommy! I’ve been waiting all day! I missed you so much!” She squealed into my shoulder as she still had my neck in a death grip. I laughed, hoping she wouldn’t see the tears welling in my eyes. My body almost collapsed onto hers as I tried to wrap my package filled arms around her, and I already dreaded having to leave her again.
“Sweets, let your mom come in,” Josh instructed from behind her before rushing over to me to take the bags out of my hands. “And she has. Vic hasn’t moved from the window for the past two hours.” He laughed before heading back inside.
“Dad blew up an air mattress, so you can sleep in my room! Just like the summer!”
I could only afford one air conditioner in our old apartment, so on hot days Victoria would sleep in my bed at night. She’d cuddle into my back and never complain.
Wheeling my suitcase into the apartment and shutting the door behind me, I craned my head around and took in all the Christmas in every corner and crevice. I suspected that was my daughter’s doing. She loved to decorate every single thing for the holidays. One year, she even drew snowmen on our bathroom mirror. It took hours to scrub it off, but I couldn’t find it in me to yell.
“Hi, Sara,” Brianna greeted me with a warm smile I did my best to return. “How was the drive?” I noted how she kept a comfortable distance away from me and Victoria, who hadn’t let go of me and was hanging on my hip. She was welcoming but trying not to interfere. If this were reversed, and Brianna visited Victoria at my home, I probably would have stroked her hair or did something to show my claim and connection to her. Unlike me, or at least how Iusedto be, she was free of any jealousy or pettiness. Josh hit the jackpot with his wife.
“Not bad. Long, but not too much traffic.” I looked between Josh and Brianna. He slipped his hand around her waist and drew her to his side. They were one of those sickeningly in love couples even just at a quick glance, but the gesture seemed more for comfort than closeness. Her gaze had no resentment, but I could sense sorrow. Before I had a moment to ponder anything, my daughter pulled at my down coat.
“Take off your coat! It’s almost Christmas Eve, and I have a surprise!”
I gasped, drawing out a giggle. God, I missed my daughter’s laugh. FaceTime wasn’t the same as hearing it in person. No matter what kind of shitty, depressing day I’d have, hearing her laugh would turn it all around and remind me the daily bullshit I endured to keep things going would be worth it—because she was.
“Well, tell me!” I unzipped my coat and hung it on the rack by the door.
“I’m an angel in the school pageant tomorrow night! Bri helped me with the wings.”
“But, you should probably take a look,” Brianna noted. “Victoria said that you used to fix her dance costumes every year, so you can make sure I didn’t completely screw anything up.” She huffed out a laugh.
“I’m sure it’s fine, but I’ll take a look.” I brushed Victoria’s hair away from her forehead. “I wanted to talk to you guys about something. I’d like to cook dinner for you. I stopped at the supermarket on the way here. Do you guys like lasagna?”
“Do you really think we’re going to refuse having a chef cook for us?” Josh’s chest rumbled with a laugh.
“Not quite a chef yet. But Victoria always liked my lasagna, and I learned a few other dishes I thought I’d try if that’s okay with you.” I lifted my eyes to Brianna’s.
“Very okay.” She nodded. “It’s just us for Christmas anyway.”
“Thank you. Both of you.” I dropped my head and studied Victoria. She’d grown and thinned out a bit since August, and my heart broke at the loss of her baby face. She was obviously well cared for and happy. My throat thickened as I lifted my gaze. My own family had no interest in me or Victoria, but Josh and Brianna cared enough about the both of us to allow me this chance—a chance to have a better life.
“All right, let’s see those wings and you can catch me up on everything.” Victoria nodded before yanking me down the hall. I was back with my girl, and I couldn’t remember ever feeling so happy or content. Probably because I never was.
The day before Christmas Eve, I took Victoria everywhere—a luxury I’d never had. Galivanting around New York City without worrying about what time my next shift had to start was a whole new world for us. I never even took her to a movie. Josh and Brianna were cool about letting us come and go as we pleased.
Victoria couldn’t keep her eyes open, nodding off after a long but great day, yet still insisting to help me bake.
“Baby, why don’t you go to bed? You can help me put the frosting on it tomorrow.”
I cracked up when her head crashed into her folded arms on the table.
“Who’s Drew?” she mumbled on a yawn.
My spatula stilled in my hand. “Drew?”
“You texted him our picture at Serendipity.” She turned and buried her head in her elbow.
“You noticed that, little spy?” I pursed my lips but fought a smile.
“Mm-hmm.” Her eyelids fluttered as they got heavier. “I saw his name on your phone screen before that, too. Is he your boyfriend?”
Jesus. How do I answer that when I don’t even know myself?
“He’s my friend. He’s actually the friend who bought us the gift certificates we used today. Maybe you could call him and thank him tomorrow.”
I lifted my gaze to my now sleeping daughter. Poor thing couldn’t take it anymore.
