I spent so much time in my room, throwing back medication after medication, that I’d forgotten what living felt like. I’d been stripped down to my basic self, struggling to even eat, drink, or use the bathroom, like a newborn all over again.
Elio couldn’t know. So no matter how much it hurt to lie to him, I knew it was the right choice. For me and for us. I mean, I handled it all by myself for a while once; I could do it again, right?
Famous last words.
My ringtone started to play in my ears, making me jolt. Elio gasped from my side, caught off guard as well. “Sorry,” I muttered, shifting enough to pull my phone out of my pocket. “Shit.”
“Who is it?”
I sighed, groaning more externally than internally. “Fucking Moon. I told him I’d call him.”
Elio started to move. “You can answer. I can give you some privacy.”
“No, stay. Let me see what he wants real quick, and then we can get some food and watch TV. Sound good?” I didn’t want him out of my sight.
I didn’t even get to say hello before Moon started rambling through my earbuds. “Hello, little brother! Nice to hear from you. Guess you forgot about me again, huh? Like you’ve been doing to all of your family members the last few days.”
My phone balanced on my knee, my other arm still wrapped around Elio’s shoulders. “For fuck’s sake. I told you I’ve been busy.”
“Too busy to care about us, huh? And what exactly has taken precedence over your measly attention span?” A shuffle of blankets crowded the speaker, probably as he made himself a cocoon.
“None of your business, actually. Why does it matter so much to you?” Was that snarkier than I’d intended?
Moon hissed on the other side of the phone. “Damn, bro. No need to get testy with me. I just worry about you, you know?”
I groaned, letting my head fall back against the couch. “I know, but I’m fine.”No, I’m not.
“Well, when you go ghost on us, we aren’t so sure. Mom and Dad are serious about going to see you. They wanna make it a whole trip, but you haven’t responded to them.”
“I can’t have you guys come up here just yet. I’ve got a lot going on with work and other life shit. It isn’t personal, and I’m completely fine.”
Of course, he didn’t seem convinced. “Have you been checking in with your therapist?”
I rolled my eyes. “Moon, I stopped that when I moved here. You know that.”
“Doesn’t mean I condone it.”
“Just leave it alone, dude. Seriously. I’ll text Mom and Dad, but I need to go.”
He was quiet. Even the rustling of his blankets had stopped. “Okay. I love you, little bro.”
What the fuck was happening to me? Everywhere I looked, everything I touched, was suddenly falling the fuck apart. “I love you, too.”
He hung up, leaving a second of silence before my music started again. Enough for someone or something to yell into my ear, its voice building in tone and volume. I flinched at it, my fingers automatically going to the buttons on my phone to turn the music up louder.
Anything to drown out the dejected way Moon had ended the call. It ate at me. I couldn’t help my ray of sunshine, I was pissing my family off, I’d made my brother sad. I was officially fucking losing it, wasn’t I?
The memories were far too fresh in my mind. Of when I lost it the first time, suddenly transported into a dimension where I knew nothing and had no one.
“Everything okay?”
Elio’s muffled question scared me, but it was enough to bring me back into reality. I turned my music down, mentally shaking the cobwebs out of my brain. “Yeah, they’re just bothering me about coming over.”
He hummed. “Do you want them to?”
“Not anytime soon, honestly.”
I felt his hair tickle the side of my neck as he looked up at me. “You don’t have to pause your life because of me, Cres.”
