Obviously, it was going to take a lot of time and work for him to see his worth in my eyes. I placed my hand on the side of his head, holding him closer to me. My cheek rested against his hair, everything serene if only for amoment. “Not a chance in hell, Sunshine. I’d pause anything for you, but I’m not pausing my life for you. I promise.”
After a few moments, I checked the time on my phone. “Do you feel like you could eat? We could heat up some leftovers or order in if you’d like.”
“Can we watch that guy again while we eat?”
“Gordon Ramsay?”
As soon as he nodded, I was reaching for the remote. “Absolutely, we can.”
When the moon had risen,and our silence had stretched well into the night, Elio was still glued to the TV. Watching him enjoy something so common for me—a given in my life’s enjoyments—both broke my heart and made it sing. I was able to show him something so mundane, yet so powerful to him. He truly was obsessed with cooking shows, not just Gordon Ramsay.
But it was late, and I was waiting on a response from Sarah about her coming over to stay with Elio tomorrow since I had to work. I didn’t know what I was going to do if she said no.
I peered down the hallway. “Did you get the bedroom set up how you’d like it?”
“I’m not stealing your bed, Cres. We’ve already gone over this.” He slumped back, relaxing further into the couch.
“We did, and I thought we had come to the same conclusion. Come on, it’s late. Let’s get you in bed.” I stood from the couch, yet Elio didn’t move an inch.
Sighing, I turned around and held my hand out. “Come on, Sunshine. Bedtime.”
He groaned and grumbled, but took my hand in his, letting me pull him up. I grabbed the remote, shutting the TV off, and led him down the hallway, never letting go.
We’d barely made it through the door when he started to complain again. “I really don’t want to take your bed. I’m fine on the couch.”
“Bullshit.” I gently pulled him along, stopping in front of the bed. “Sit here. Do you need some pajamas? I think I have something that could fit you.”
Shaking his head, he pulled the blankets up and crawled into the bed. “These are fine, thanks.”
I waited until he’d gotten situated, lying on his side and facing the door. “Okay, I’m going to grab my chargers and make my way back to the couch. Let me know if you need anything. Is your phone in your pocket?”
“Mhm.”
“Good. You can call me if you don’t want to get out of bed. I’m just right down the hall.” I made my way to the other side of the bed, grabbing everything I needed. If we needed to change any pillow or blanket arrangements, we could do that tomorrow if necessary. I’d told him to take his pick of anything in the hallway closet, which he hadn’t done.
As I stepped out, I held the door open, peering into the now dark room. “Want the door cracked or closed?”
I didn’t hear anything for a minute, but I was glad I waited. A much meeker sound than I was used to came from the depths I was staring into. “Open, please. All the way.”
I pushed the door until the knob hit the wall off to the side. “Alright. Sleep well, Elio.”
There wasn’t any further response, so I took that as aninvitation to leave. Sleeping on the couch wasn’t my most favorite thing in the world. The living room felt too open, too easy to get lost in. Too many corners with shadows too unstable.
Sometimes, my eyes would play tricks on me, and I couldn’t tell if the static in my vision was the darkness moving or a sign of my impending doom. It made my apartment feel more like a fence than a home. A low, inadequate border to keep me in rather than keepthemout.
I took the neatly folded blanket Elio had left out, shaking it out before laying it over the couch. Most of the lights had been turned out by now, but I couldn’t stop myself from turning the TV on and muting the sound. I was afraid of being left alone in the dark—defenseless against the war of loud and louder happening in my ears.
Peace had never been an option. Peace, nor companionship. That didn’t stop me from craving it, though, despite being too stubborn to admit it.
Underneath the blanket, I pretended it was a shield. Like when I was a little kid, terrified of the boogeyman underneath my bed. The false belief that it was enough soothed me just a little bit. I closed my eyes after turning the music in my ears up, and tried to fall asleep.
It wasn’t easy. Never was when I was being haunted like this. Or maybe I was being hunted. At this point, I’d take anything as truth.
Sentences and wishes swirled in my brain, just out of reach. My fingertips grazed over the aspirations I always had for myself, missing them by a fraction of an inch. Then, I remembered they were never meant for just me. They were for us. Elio and I, facing the world together like the best friends we were. Are.
Just as I started to slip into the graceful in-between ofasleep and not, the hair on my arms stood on end. A tingling began at the back of my neck, an intense awareness.
Someone was standing in front of me, watching me.
