"Scorecards," Shannon continued, ignoring her sisters-in-law. "Ranking criteria." She nodded to herself, humming. "This is outstanding. Let's make this happen."
"It's not like I don't have a plan for finishing your house and getting you moved in," Andy remarked. "But sure, let's invite Gigi's boyfriends over for a meat market. That's far superior to my strategic timelines and critical threshold planning."
"I know you have a plan," Lauren replied. "And I can't even explain how much I appreciate your plan and everything you've done to help me and Matt. I'm just…I'm feeling some pressure."
"Are we talking deep, twisting pressure ormy soul is telling me to nestpressure?" Shannon asked. "Because there's a difference, and if it's the first one, we need to start timing that shit."
"It's not the first one," Lauren said, laughing. She patted her belly again. "This kid is high and tight. Not ready to go anywhere."
"Let's not eliminate the possibility," Tiel said. "You're talking to two women who went from living their pregnant lives to birthing babies in the span of twenty minutes."
"Yeah, I know. I don't really want to hear that right now," Lauren said. "Can we go back to talking about my house now and how Andy saved the day?"
"Jumping in on projects is my favorite thing," Andy said. "Even if it is because Matt crammed the shit out of his schedule these past months and hasn't had time to sleep, eat, or breathe. He did it so he'd have more flexibility when the baby arrives and I can't fault him for that. Even if he did fall asleep in last Monday's morning meeting."
"The amazing part was how he stayed asleep for two hours after the meeting ended," Shannon added. "Just sitting there in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, dead to the world."
"Wait. What are we talking about?" Tiel asked.
"Lots of things," I replied. "It's all good."
Lauren snatched the champagne flute from her sister-in-law. "You're cut off."
"This event you're going to," Shannon started, "what are the details? I have a few shops in mind but I want to make sure I'm operating with the right idea."
I nodded. "The investment banker, Rob—"
"The one with the big cock," Andy added.
"Yes. That one." I gave her a smirk. "Rob's ex-girlfriend and his ex-best friend are having an engagement party. They're getting married."
Shannon blew out a breath. "I have an idea why they're his exes."
"Yep." I stared at my plate and the half-eaten French toast there. Why eat when you could talk to the best ladies in town? "He's doing okay but it's a tricky situation. Definitely not ideal. He needs this party to go well."
"And you need a killer dress," Andy said. "Lethal."
"We should call April," Shannon murmured, her empty glass dangling between her fingers. "Lethal is her first language, middle name, and last known address."
"I don't know April," I said. "I feel like that might be a good thing."
"My husband's business partner's girlfriend-slash-common-law-wife," Shannon replied as if that made perfect sense. "I don't think I'm supposed to tell you that she's an assassin. I don't think I'm supposed to know that either."
Lauren gestured for Shannon's glass. "That's enough. You're cut off."
"Can I have my phone back so I can call April?" she asked.
Lauren wagged a finger at Shannon. "No. Eat something, would you? I don't want to hear your husband complaining about us getting you liquored up again. He was not happy the night he picked us up from the pedicure place."
Shannon shook her head. "Nah, he'll just get me pregnant again. He's been thinking about it. I can tell."
"In the shower?" Tiel asked.
"Are these promises or threats?" Andy asked.
Shannon speared a piece of my French toast off my plate and popped it into her mouth. "Yes and both."
"Right, so we're not calling April the assassin," I said, laughing. "The party is black tie and I want his exes to know exactly what they lost when they fucked him over. Like that scene inPretty Womanwhere Julia Roberts goes back to the boutique that wouldn't serve her."
