"And more than one dick?" Lauren asked.
“There was a sleepover,” I said, setting my glass down. ”Take the champagne away. I'm getting sloppy.”
"Moving on," Shannon murmured. "You need a dress. We know how to do that."
"What's the event?" Tiel asked. "Not that I'm very helpful on the fashion front but what are we dressing you for?"
"Youarevery helpful," I argued with a gesture toward her boho summer dress. "Your style is amazing."
"What's really amazing is that you two are friends," Shannon mused. "Of all the unlikely pairings."
"We are all unlikely," Andy said. "That we manage to love each other is the best thing."
"The boys are good. They're really good," Tiel said. "They're great but girlfriends are the best."
"You guys are too nice to me," I said, reaching for my napkin. I felt the prickle of tears behind my eyes and I needed to be ready. Magnolia plus champagne equaled sobby effusiveness. "Seriously, you're too nice to me. I thought you guys were going to hate me forever."
That was the straight truth. When I'd made the super massive epic mistake of kissing Sam, it was because I thought it was the right way to get his attention. I thought I was being bold and forward, taking charge the same way Andy and Shannon and Lauren take charge. They went for what they wanted and nothing held them back and I wanted to be that, even if only once.
I thought I was getting his attention when a short eternity of flirting seemed to float right over his head. But it hadn't floated over his head. He'd ignored my advances because he was in love with Tiel. And it was Tiel who'd walked in when I was jamming my tongue into his mouth.
I went for it but I didn't even know where I was going. I wasn't in love with Sam. I was flirting with him because he was there. He was a constant in my life—a single man who took me seriously as a landscape architect—and I was too fucked up and fucked over to realize he wasn't for me. Oh, god, not at all. I didn't have deep, angsty feelings of lust and longing for him. I thought he was quirky and fascinating, and we had a shared love of solving random architectural problems. He was a fixture in my life at a time when I desperately needed someone to pay attention to me. To validate my competence in my craft, to see me as an alluring woman.
I thought Sam could do all of that for me. I was wrong.
That kiss was a ridiculous intersection of very bad things. It wrecked Sam and Tiel's relationship for months. It killed my professional partnership with Sam. For a time, it killed my professional partnership with the entire Walsh Associates firm. I waspersona non grataas far as they were concerned.
Except for Riley. The youngest Walsh at the firm knew I'd never intended to destroy relationships or harm anything. Riley was the one who brought them back around and forced them to see I wasn't trying to break up Sam and Tiel. I was just trying to be the girl who went for it. He forced them to see I hadn't done anything wrong, not really. Not intentionally. Not more than humiliating myself.
That was a tough time for me. I was embarrassed by my actions and wounded by the backlash. I struggled to keep my business going. It was difficult to pitch my services to clients when I felt so fucking worthless. This was a small town and that meant I constantly looked over my shoulder at the hopes of avoiding a Walsh or one of their allies. I was anxious all the time. Worried and ashamed and devastated that I'd worked this hard, and I was losing it all because I kissed a boy who didn't want me.
Somewhere along the way, Andy and I became friends. She kept me at arm's length at first, but Andy does that with everyone. Icy cold and distant was her thing. But just as gradually as a sapling grows into a tree so thick you can't get your arms around it or remember a time when it wasn't a deep-rooted anchor in your life, she grew into one of my best friends. And she brought her posse along with her.
When I thought about the steps I took and the mountain I climbed toward being all right with myself, Andy and her friends were the ones clearing the way and holding my hands. I wouldn't have made it here and I wouldn't have two men vying for my affection if not for these women. They were hard on me once upon a time and that was the ugly way of it—women were often hard on each other. Unnecessarily so. But when they came around, they came all the way around. Circled up so tight they pulled me back together and squeezed the darkness right out.
It was absolutely unlikely. It was also the best outcome of a very bad thing.
"We have bigger problems than hating you," Lauren said. "Like the fact my house doesn't have floors yet and we're moving out of the loft at the end of the month and having a baby right after that. Those are real problems. Floors are problems."
Shannon dug inside her bag and retrieved her phone. "Tell me who I'm yelling at and I'll yell."
Andy reached across the table and plucked the phone from Shannon's hand. "We're not doing that, sweetie." She leaned closer to Lauren, wrapping her arm around the woman's shoulder. "You have subfloors. I know they aren't the reclaimed wood Matt promised you but those will go in soon. It will be done and buttoned up, even if I'm putting down the flooring myself."
"And I'll be there unpacking for you," Tiel added. "I know Riley is working on painting a mural for the baby's room."
"And I'll be there with my whip, cracking it as necessary," Shannon said.
"And I'll have the landscaping done later this week," I said. "I'll come over on moving day. I can bring a firefighter and an investment banker with me if you need extra muscle. They both have plenty to spare."
"Oh my god, that would be awesome," Tiel cried. "We can judge them!"
"I love judging men," Shannon mused. "Objectification is an essential element in taking down the patriarchy."
"I'm sure that makes sense to you," Lauren said to her.
"You know what's funny?" Andy asked. "My phone autocorrectsfuck the patriarchytofuck Patrick. There's a statement about something in there but I haven't decided what it is yet."
"Aaaaand you're cut off," Lauren said, snatching Andy's champagne flute.
