A few hours after my mother had left, I had helped Diego complete his homework assignments and played a couple of dance video games with him to try and perk up my mood. It may have worked on the outside, as Diego appeared to be happy, but I still felt miserable. Just after I’d given him a bath and was preparing him to get in the bed he asked, “What time is Mr. Carter calling tonight? He’s going to finish the book we started last week. Or is he coming over to read to me?” He was so giddy when he asked the last question. The sparkle in his eye at just the thought of seeing Carter was nearly enough to make me burst into tears.
“Not tonight, baby. Mr. Carter had to work late.”
His face immediately turned into a pout but then he perked up a little and said, “That’s okay. Firefighters are really busy sometimes. They have big, important respec, rispon?” he faltered.
“Responsibilities?”
“Yup, responsibilities.”
“You’re such a good boy,” I stated, pulling him in and kissing the top of his curly hair. “How about Mama reads to you tonight?”
He smiled and climbed on his bed to pull his book down from the overhead bookshelf. I read to Diego for the next twenty minutes, until he fell asleep. I slowly, pulled myself from his bed and placed the book back on the shelf, before going over to the opposite side of the room, turning off the light and closing the door behind me.
I moved slowly up the hallway, feeling heavy and dazed. Now that it was quiet and I was alone the weight of the day began to sit itself right on top of my shoulders. The ache in my heart began to feel like a sharp knife’s edge piercing my very soul. Now was the time of day when I was so used to either seeing or hearing from Carter. But I didn’t have time to think of that. I needed to work on how I was going to get Gabriel out of my life. I was done with his constant manipulation. I couldn’t handle Gabriel and tell Carter what was happening at the same time. Carter would try to fix this, and that wasn’t his job. I just had to hope he wouldn’t move on before I could remedy my situation with Gabriel.
I pulled my phone from my purse, preparing to go to my bedroom where my laptop rested to start doing research on family law attorneys, only to see his three missed calls and one text message. The pain only grew worse.
I deleted the missed calls, glad to see he hadn’t left a voicemail because I just couldn’t bear hearing the sound of his voice right then. But when I opened the text message I got another surprise that had me in a panic.
I’m coming over!
I checked the timestamp and the message had come through about thirty minutes prior. I was just about to send a response text telling him not to do that when a knock sounded at my door. My stomach dropped again for the third time that day. I debated about what to do. Maybe if I just pretended I wasn’t ho–
“I know you’re in there, sugar.”
My knees, I swear they were made of jelly. Slowly, I padded over to the door, knowing I had to do something unless he’d wake Diego up. And I couldn’t have that. I opened the door only about three inches. My eyes immediately watered at the sight of his red-rimmed eyes. He looked tired. I remembered just then he’d been working a twenty-four hour shift that day. He was supposed to go straight home to get some sleep. But instead he’d obviously come here.
“You look beautiful.”
All the air rushed from my lungs. I wasn’t expecting that. But I should’ve. It was the same way he always greeted me when I opened my door. I leaned against the door for strength, tightening my grip around the doorknob.
“You shouldn’t have come here.”
“There was nowhere else for me to go. Not when you tried to end things between us.”
I lowered my eyes to the floor. He wasn’t going to make this easy. Not that I’d expected him to.
“Do you want to tell me what’s really going on or shall I have to guess?”
“I told you what’s going on. It’s just not a good idea for us to … to…”
“To what? To be together? You can’t even say it.”
He was right. I couldn’t say it again. Had said it enough for one day and it shredded my heart each and every time I spoke those words.
“Carter, please.”
“Please what? You want me to leave?”
No.“Yes,” I choked out. “Diego’s asleep and I don’t want to wake him.”
“So all of this is about Diego?”
“Yes.”
“Bullshit.”
I tightened my lips at his terse response, still staring at the floor. I couldn’t look at him. He read me much too easily.
